financial troubles in our marriage

[clovelly]

hi i'm new here - my husband expatriated us to asia earlier this year. his job was enough to just take care of myself without needing to work and our family so we took the offer. the crux of it is he’s had a problem with spending and has debt in our home country that he’s paying off so this meant better income and a fresh start for him.
since we’ve been here he obtained without my consent and racked up $8,000 credit card and $10,000 in a credit line leaving us debt which now income doesn’t cover all his outgoings.

as i’m a dependent it’s hard for me to find work and the average time is about two years. i want to go home because i know i can get a job very quickly and can help with correcting his mistakes as my heart is only in the right place, but he is obsessed with staying here for his career and says that things will eventually change but won’t realise the bigger picture that things are getting very desperate here and i’m sad seeing that our two year old is starting to go without. of course he doesn’t want me to break up the family and says i should just stick it out and keep trying to look for work and try harder (which i do every day) and i’m feeling very depressed which is rubbing off my my daughter. i don't think if i left we would be "separating" but i know if i keep living this life here it's just not going to end well in a few months.

[smackie9]

OK this is what you do, suggest seeing a financial counselor to teach him how to budget, and learn to live without credit cards. Be on him, all the time, don't let him pacify you with "just sit tight and I will get back on track". It's all bull sh it, he won't get back on track, he has a problem. Be the one to take over the finances, give him an allowance, cut off his access to the accounts, etc. See where every dollar is spent. People with spending problems are A, suffer from depression, or B. are compulsive/ addictive. You might want him to get into some therapy to get to the root of the problem.

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If that seems too much, leave and get back with your family.

[michelle23]

How has he gotten in so much debt? Has he redecorated the house? If no, where is the money gone? Have you checked the statements?

That is a lot of debt to get into in a short time. Does he have an addiction? Theres obviously a deeper issue here that your either not aware of or chose not to mention