Sleeping with my boss....HELP!

[chinagirl]

KingZ: If only it were that easy....your advice is completely logical. I wish, however, that he'd follow it....I do know what I want out of this, and it is a long-term, committed, official relationship. I just feel that if I broach the subject right now, he'll clam up and say forget it all....then I'll have blown my chance. I sound whiney and immature and self-doubting. Ugh. I guess I was just looking for some feedback from people that were completely uninvolved in the situation. Of course talking to my girlfriends, they all say forget him, but they're trying to protect me. I know in some sense they're right. But I have this gut-deep feeling that he is 'the one', and because of that, it seems I'm more patient. Thoughts??

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Wow...you're right on smackie9! He IS enjoying the free ride while it lasts (no pun intended) while being careful not to ask for it. I think I'll just back off and see if he comes around. Do you think that? Or think I should have a heart-to-heart with him?

Countrygirl, I know that it's difficult for you to see being that you are involved in the situation. Seeing it from the outside, it's very clear and transparent that this guy wants nothing more than what it is right now. If something would develop, it would have happened by now (after 5 months of being intimate). You've been having a sexual relationship with a guy who clearly doesn't want any commitment. Why should he? He can have you anytime he wants plus the advantage of dating other women because you are not in a committed relationship.

Trust your friends and trust me, your not scaring him or pushing him away. He is a smart guy and knows exactly what he wants and made it very clear to you where he stands.

And it isn't your gut telling you "he is the one", it is your love for him that is blinding you from seeing the situation for what it actually is.

[countrygirl1]

Ok all...I'm in tears here because I know what you're saying is right. I'm in tears because I AM in love with him and it IS blinding me. I'm in tears because I want to believe that he feels the same way. But, he doesn't. Like you said KingZ, his feelings are already 'locked in', I just need to open the envelope and read it. To me then, a heart-to-heart would do nothing more than make me ugly cry in front of him and put me in a more vulnerable position than I'm already in. This sucks. I appreciate the feedback and support though, honestly. I've never posted in a forum before and I feel like you're all sort of rooting for me, it's nice.

[chinagirl]

Ok all...I'm in tears here because I know what you're saying is right. I'm in tears because I AM in love with him and it IS blinding me. I'm in tears because I want to believe that he feels the same way. But, he doesn't. Like you said KingZ, his feelings are already 'locked in', I just need to open the envelope and read it. To me then, a heart-to-heart would do nothing more than make me ugly cry in front of him and put me in a more vulnerable position than I'm already in. This sucks. I appreciate the feedback and support though, honestly. I've never posted in a forum before and I feel like you're all sort of rooting for me, it's nice.

Best for you to take yourself out of that ugly situation...For your own sake.

[countrygirl1]

Thanks chinagirl....wish me luck...no, strength, that's what I need now. A broken heart IS the worst feeling in the entire world....I've avoided one for years now, but here we go again.

[chinagirl]

Good luck... You've done it once, you can do it again.

[Wakeup]

Thanks chinagirl....wish me luck...no, strength, that's what I need now. A broken heart IS the worst feeling in the entire world....I've avoided one for years now, but here we go again.

You need to change up your mating strategy. Another broken heart wouldn't happen (before a relationship of substance was even formed) it you did.

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What do I hope letting it go will accomplish? I guess I'm not sure of the question...

I think what you need to figure out first is what you want to come out of this

Kingz has clarified What he says is the gist of my question. You implied by withdrawing and withholding that it might lead to something but all that is, is another game that won't tell you anything other then what he figures out you'll want to hear in order to keep the clandestine, non-committed excitement of tail at work going.

You really need to tell him that you want to be his partner in life and not just his partner in bed. If he outright tells you (once again) that he's not going to be doing that, then it will make it much easier for you to move on emotionally from him if you know he's definitely not on the same page instead of continuing on and hoping or just ending it and wondering and pining away and caving once again to his "charm" You'll be working with him afterall (or do you plan on quitting your job as well if he's not going to commit?)

Next time, don't sleep with a guy who isn't interested in committed relationships of the LIFEmate kind and everything that they entail. You're "shredding" your own heart and you're hoping that the sex will lead to a relationship. No one can count on sex cementing feeelings that you're the one they'll give up their perceived freedom for.

Good luck, bite the bullet and have a heart felt conversation with him about your wants and needs. Its the only way now.

[KingZ]

Poor countrygirl. I'm rooting for you!

[Wakeup]

Let us know how it goes, girl. Just don't torture yourself by settling to be his little secret if he tells you he's not committing. That is one recipe for you to miss out on a good man that will want what you want together.

[countrygirl1]

Thanks guys. So, he is coming with me to my family's cattle branding this coming weekend at my parent's ranch. We'll have the weekend together in my 'territory' and comfort zone...I don't mean for that to sound manipulative, but maybe this weekend is the time to have a heart-to-heart???

[KingZ]

Do it on the last day; ideally before you leave. It would suck if the conversation went poorly and the rest of the weekend was ruined.

[Wakeup]

Thanks guys. So, he is coming with me to my family's cattle branding this coming weekend at my parent's ranch. We'll have the weekend together in my 'territory' and comfort zone...I don't mean for that to sound manipulative, but maybe this weekend is the time to have a heart-to-heart???

Its easy to see why you're so confused if he's meeting your parents and spending weekends at their home then WTF is his deal. He's a Stupid ****tard... Okay, now I'm responding emotionally... lolzzz

[countrygirl1]

Its easy to see why you're so confused if he's meeting your parents and spending weekends at their home then WTF is his deal. He's a Stupid ****tard... Okay, now I'm responding emotionally... lolzzz

Yeah....exactly my point. He's spent time with my family (met my three sisters, hung out with my bro-in-law apart from me on multiple occasions). It doesn't make a lot of sense. He's even mentioned I'll go with him to his parents' house in Seattle to go snowmobiling and to float the river in the summertime.

[bekho]

Geez. The advice here is...interesting. I had a girl last year who liked me a lot. It was nice being friends at the beginning. We got on OK. Problem was that I was a lot more special to her than she was to me. Its nice to be liked by someone. It felt good. I knew i could keep her hopes up and continue hanging out with her, sex etc...But honestly I didn't want to trick her. I never asked for anything from her. She initiated most things with me so I never felt despicable or predatory. When I had the talk with her to calm things down, I felt sorry for her. I wish I liked her more so I could have put in more effort and not be so selfish, but i just didn't feel for her that way. I had just been getting out of a long term relationship with my ex before, so that may have had something to do with it.

I think what I'm trying to say is, sometimes we don't know why we do things, or act a certain way. He maybe crazy in love with u but conflicted, or he may be using you straight up. Either way... You can either sit and wait out the good times and maybe you'll both realise ur great for each other, or u can confront him and maybe agree to become a couple or break up...

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