Basically, I know this is not the most ideal of circumstances, but I would like the advice of the people here.
As a client, I have never seen visiting escorts as more than just sex and light hearted chats. I have never really had any problems dating women in private life and I liked visiting escorts because of the choices available to me in being single. I have never visited an escort more than once because to be honest, I have just moved on to my next girl without much thought; I did not want emotional stuff to get in the way of my carefree and fun life.
I was educated in a Russell Group university, well presented, well spoken and I like to look after myself. So, it’s not a case of me being weird or desperate.
Last week, I visited a girl for the first time and as the half hour went on I felt differently to how I felt before. I know, it is only half an hour, and I have only met her once after that for another half an hour. But, I just cannot get myself to just forget about her and move on, I have been miserable for days now trying to just forget.
We got talking and it turns out we are the same age (she’s just started escorting recently), have the same background and so forth. As it is a professional client-escort arrangement, I am just surprised that she has shared such intimate details of her life (her pain at the death of a parent and her looking to God for guidance, her having to look after her younger siblings after the death and explain it to them and her confessing her escorting to the church). I do not know whether to take this emotional intimacy as real or not real, or whether I am just being delusional and that this is the way she usually is to people. She also commented on time going by so quickly in the session and we have this thing where I like lifting her up because it is fun.
I also shared some of my private life with her. Such as living in a very religious background, where I am lying to my family about seeing girls (they believe in no sex before marriage), where I believe I won’t be faithful in settling down with one woman because I cannot help myself - I am inherently polygamous. I was honest in telling her also that I don’t think she should tell her future partner about her escorting even though she wants any serious partner to know. She was honest in telling me at the end of our session that I should be truthful with my very religious mum (and therefore my family) that I am seeing her although obviously not to mention the escorting part.
The sex? I try not to analyse it too much, too many variables. It is very passionate but then again she could be like that with other clients. In all honesty though, I have never been this physically addicted to a girl. I have always been the first to say goodbye and leave on a happy note.
I am trying to forget about her, I am really not usually like this. But, I just cannot forget about her. I feel terrible and I just want to be with her. I am not one of these guys that is about getting sex from her for free because I can do that with other girls both in and outside of the escorting world. Although, obviously I would try with her if we were dating. But, the fact is, I don’t want any other girls now at all. It is not even about the sex (although it feels amazing) , I just love being with her and I don’t care if she has no makeup on , if she snores in bed etc etc.
I can understand that she needs the escorting job to support herself. I work in a non-graduate job myself and know how hard it is. But, I just want to eventually see a future together if that makes sense. Don’t get me wrong, I feel like this is such a messed up circumstance, but at this point I feel like I am screwed in the emotional sense anyway. I am trying hard to just distance myself from her but I am just physically and mentally unable to do that. She is not working afaik for the next week or two. But, I just want closure.