is this love impossible or not ? has it ended ?

[loverman1]

First of all I understand I'm not perfect, and the girl of my affection isn't perfect either; love doesn't require perfection, but its more about compatibility I feel.

Anyway I started dating my best friend who I work with, she was and still is in a rocky relationship, she's been with him for 3 years. She also has Kids from a past relationship of 7 years ago. So at the beginning, we started to see each other, and make plans of how we can be together, she never seemed sure about our future, but she was sure enough to tell her guy that she has met someone else. However she didn't leave him. she just couldn't, and her guy started to pull his wait and stop being so mean and lazy, so she stayed with him. This was 8 months ago, and somehow over the course of time we fixed our friendship, over many break times at work. She was very defensive at the beginning, but its got better over time. I'm not sure if I make life better or worse for her, but my love is very pure, I don't want her to be alone, it seemed the right thing to do as her guy probably cant make her happy in the long run, and I'm a friend anyway, a person who cares.

So now, the present moment is that we have started to get very close again. I sit with her at lunch breaks at work, just so I can be there for her. She has reached out to me and told me that she "keeps something inside her heart that she wont tell me" something that could make the situation worse she said.
I met up with her at her home for the first time in 8 months last week and I helped her study, it seemed like I should of made a move, it seemed like she wanted me too, but I didn't. I also met up with her for my birthday, just for a short time. At home, her guy has been behaving badly again, and its sometimes rocky again. he's also asking about me weekly, if we have spoke ect, so she has to lie to him to keep our friendship. She also knows how much I love her, because I have told her, I told her that "she's the reason I breath". She didn't really make a choice I suppose, so she has lied to him about us, for me. So we can be friends, so we can talk anyway until a choice could me made, or something could be realized, that cannot be seen at the presant moment, we have behaved as friends who really care about each other, like family.

I'm also guessing that she loves me (at least a little) but cant tell me, but i'm not sure. On my birthday (yesterday) she said she can imagine being with me, but its just too differcult for it to happen.

This morning has been very hard however, she text me and said that someone at our factory has called her partner and told him that I follow her at break times, she text me saying not to text her, and too delete her number. She didn't say we cant talk at work any more, but if there is someone there who see's everything what can we do, It feels like the end. Yesterday I was with her helping her study, now today, it may not be possible to talk again, and Im very afraid for what will happen if she cuts me from her life, it could be the choice. (but not my choice I understand)

I wanted to be there for her, because I know her guy, although he loves her, he wont make her happy, not in the long run, there relationship is about security, and her kids accept him almost. He does make her cry allot, and they argue sometimes which is probably why she reaches out to me. I think she loves me, but has never told me. A few weeks ago, she said her heart has changed for me, she said she has opened her heart for me. But she said she will keep how she feels about me inside forever, its mixed messages I got, like she didn't know what to do herself but she thinks of me often.

She has made her choice I know, and she's afraid to try with me,she has never told me that I'm not enough, or we could never work out because I am, and we fit together I feel, we are a good match. But what on earth should I do? I love her very much, and she doesn't have many people around her that really care like I do. I would even help her find the perfect guy for her if she asked me, that's how much I love her.

I will she her again at work in a day, if she hasn't left the factory now. I was thinking I could sit with her at lunch when there's know-one watching, or we could just meet at our birthdays to save the friendship. Or once a year at Christmas, anything. She's worth all the pain, she's just someone that I love, and my best friend too. so any idea's are welcome.

[pcmaster]

How old are you? How can you be so dum? Why did you get in story with taken girl in first place? Why you didnt made a move in 8 months? Are you a virgin? Dont you think you friendzoned yourself by not taking the action? Is this your first love?

[loverman1]

There is no friend-zone because we like each other, (we behave as friends because we care for each other, and have already been together. I didn't work out because of complicated reasons.

I'm 29, although I don't have experience in relationships. Can anyone give any advice, but not just advice to avoid pain.

[pcmaster]

My advice is sleep with her. You been waiting so long and you in love. Sex will be great. Also be selfish and take what you need from her, dont be little gay friend or emotional tampon. Dont me her male girlfriend but be a lover. Give her a reason to dump her BF. Show how good you can be use everything you have including dick. If you fail at least you know you tried everything. Fight for whats importand for you. Dont be a pussy and dont take rejection, dont stop on obstacles.

[michelle23]

Look up emotional affairs. You are her cuddle bitch. Hes not meeting her emotional needs so shes turning to you. She wont leave him coz shes weak and would rather live in a fantasy world than face up to her problems and reality. Shes made poor choices all her life, suffered in dysfunctional relationships for years and chooses to stay there. Shes not going to change and will continue to make bad choices with poor taste in men and low self esteem. Your trying to be her knight in shining armour but your just going to get hurt.

You need to take your head out of the clouds and see this for what it really is. Your "love story" is no different to any other affair and it will just end in tears like all the rest with a lot of people being hurt and backstabbed. Your not "soul mates", shes not "the one", your not prince charming and this isnt a fairytale.

The best thing you could do now is cut her out of your life permanently, heal, learn your lesson and meet an available woman who doesnt treat you like sloppy seconds. Gain some self respect and stop being a doormat. Learn some morals while your at it too

[pcmaster]

Ignore her and cut contact unless she dump her BF. Say this to her. She have put you in second place aready, dont put up with it, leave if you have to but dont put up with whats happening.
Michelle have point too.

Check this video

[loverman1]

Thanks for the video.

I understand she makes poor choices, and she's maybe weak or not strong enough to leave him, but I have seen what's bad about her but I accept her the way she is. I love her with her flaws. But will she stay with him ?

I would like to know if she loves me or not

[Valixy]

I would like to know if she loves me or not

She doesn't. She is still with her terrible partner, that makes her cry, doesn't treat her well, etc. after two years of filrting with you. She may tell you whatever she wants or you'd like to hear, but actions speak louder than words. When a woman loves a man, she wants to be with him and she does everything she can to make that possible and you'd better start believing this for your own emotional wellbeing.

He's not her children's father, he's lousy, she had an affair with you but never left him...Come on! Whenever she needs a shoulder to cry on, she's available, when she's under pressure at home (no surprise!), she cuts off contact with you. She's manipulating you and cheating on and lying to her partner again and again. She's weak and irresponsible and you'd better start seeing her for who she really is. And most importantly, she doesn't love you, or she would have left her terrible partner ages ago.

Why do you let yourself manipulated like that again and again? Don't you think that you deserve better? A woman who is available and has some values and whose life makes sense?

Leave this woman before her partner finds out everything and decides to give you a lesson and do not have unprotected sex with her or you'll be stuck with her, her drama and her lack of love for the rest of your life.

[surfhb2]

Thanks for the video.

I understand she makes poor choices, and she's maybe weak or not strong enough to leave him, but I have seen what's bad about her but I accept her the way she is. I love her with her flaws. But will she stay with him ?

I would like to know if she loves me or not

No way Bro! She doesn't love you sorry

[loverman1]

Perhaps she does love me but does not want to break up her family, because her kids accept him. Her guy does love her, he's just not that compatible with her, but he's not a bad man always..

I have seen her ugly side, and I accept her the way she is.

Have I lost her now, today?

[pcmaster]

You didnt lose her. You won freedom and opened doors to many great girls.

[Valixy]

she does not want to break up her family..

Then she wouldn't cheat on him and continuously lie to him over the course of two years. Women who want to keep their family together, respect it.

Maybe he's not a bad guy after all, as you say. Then she is lying about him and her unhappy marriage, right? Maybe she's just bored, using him and you in the same time because it certainly looks that way.

The other guy deserves to know the truth (that you and her preferred not to tell to him when the three of you had that face to face conversation and you both lied to him to his face) He should dump her and not support her in rasing two kids she had with someone else while she's making a fool of him.

If you'll ever be with her, it will mainly be because she'll need your support and she will of course cheat on you too, lie to you and disrespect you.

[loverman1]

She isn't married, he's only her partner, and We haven't cheated continuously, we just became friends again. Her partner makes her cry and then she considers me again, that's when she gives mixed messages, like she wants too try but she's too afraid, she wants what every girl wants, a stable family ect. But she's trying with the wrong guy. Its complicated, and I was willing to sacrifice myself and take the roller-coaster journey, but it may have ended yesterday.

I might sound soft like pansy, but I really care about this girl, I would even help her find the perfect guy, It's just that she hasn't.

Please don't judge her too harshly, she has many great qualities too, People do have imperfections or weaknesses is a better term.

Thanks for all your responses. Valixy - pcmaster - michelle. I talk about this with my parents but they get sick of me.

[fleur-de-lis]

Loverman1, there are only two scenarios possible in your situation.
1. You tell her good bye (at least until she dumps her current guy).
2. You roll with whatever she says and no complains allowed.

#1 will hurt like heck in the beginning but you will get over it and become stronger and move on with your life. #2 is sort of a chronic milder pain and suffering which does have a possibility for a happy ending but, will more likely than not end up the same as #1 after she's done using you. I am sorry, I have nothing more optimistic to say :-(

[HeartIsAching]

Michelle23 nailed it - you're her cuddle bitch, making up for her guy's short-comings.

Think about this though: If you did eventually wind up with her, how could you be sure that the cheater won't cheat again?

A: You can't. In fact, you can pretty much bet it that she will.