Not sure where to post this.... How to ask my boyfriend....?

[Lizziebee]

My boyfriend and I have been together over three years now. Neither of us have ever been unfaithful or dishonest in our relationship. For the most part we're pretty happy with a few minor arguments here and there. Lately we've been having a bit more sex than normal because we've been trying new stuff that we never tried before, we started this around January. One night when we were switching from sex to oral, I noticed something on the base of his penis. I asked him about it, he said he didn't know what it was but he noticed it one night when he was undressing to get in the shower. He thought it had some dry cum on it that he picked off and that maybe it was just an irritation from having more sex than normal. He said it didn't hurt, burn or itch. So I forgot about it until a week later when I started my period. I thought it was a zit at first, on the bottom of my bottom lip, so I tried to pop it but that only made it become inflamed and sore. A while afterward it formed a scab, which I thought was weird so I started thinking maybe it was a cold sore, which I've never had in my life. I'm very paranoid and get tested for STDs every year because of being raped when I was 19. So I started looking up symptoms of cold sores and herpes and what they looked like. For the most part it didn't sound the same or look the same from what I could tell, but I'm still a little paranoid. I read that herpes can be dormant for years at a time and my boyfriend had quite a few partners before me. So I'm wondering if he caught something from them without knowing and never got tested because he didn't think there was anything to worry about. Then he passed it on to me recently since that was the first time he had an actual outbreak. I want to talk to him about it, but I'm not really sure how to go about it. I want him to know I don't think he's being unfaithful because neither of us could do anything like that to anyone, let alone each other. I also want him to know that I know it can't be me though, and that I have a theory about what could have happened if it is herpes and I'm not just being paranoid. I don't want to break up with him over this, I don't think there is any reason to as long as he's remained faithful, I just want some advice about how to bring it up without making it seem like I'm blaming him or starting a fight. Also I don't know how to convince him to get a blood test because he hates needles. I know you can have urine tests done as well, but I'd like to have both done to be safe. Could any of you give me good, rational advice on how to bring this up to him? I'd really appreciate the help, thanks.

[suddenlynothing]

Show him this exact message. Its to the point and your being fair. If it was me and you asked if i had an STD and wanted to get me tested, id be offended at first but if it was affecting you that badly id get it done as if i had be faithful id expect an all clear.

You should both get tested and just see what the hell it is.

[Lizziebee]

Thanks. I don't know about showing him this exact message, I want to actually talk to him about it. We've been living together for most of our relationship, so even if I had suspicion at first of him being unfaithful, we're hardly ever apart. And when we are he texts or calls me to let me know what he's been up to. I'm not sure about the dormant thing, but I've read it on several health sites so that's my main concern as to why it could possibly be an STD. Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it and hopefully if I tell him exactly what I've mentioned here, he will understand just like you said.

[suddenlynothing]

He should do, shows like a nice guy. Also good for you guys that your starting to get adventurous in the bedroom, have as much fun as possible

[Lizziebee]

Thank you. And yeah, I mean before this things were starting to drag a little because we pretty much had each other figured out bedroom wise. Plus, we both like doing stuff outside (the thrill of being caught, while knowing we won't be), but there weren't really many good/new places for us at our old place last year. And since moving to our new place in the same neighborhood we were in before, we have some favorite places, plus now the weather is getting warm finally. Also we've discovered that playing video games while having sex is a huge turn on for us, though it makes the games more challenging. But there are also some new things we're getting more adventurous with. Like I've always sent him boob pictures, but one day when he was at work he asked for a little more, not only was it kinky but also very surprising. So we started taking pictures and making videos, something that normally he would have been to shy for. I think that now that we're more comfortable with each other and knowing what we like it's easier for us to open up to new things. There are still definitely some things I want to try. I'm trying to convince him once the weather gets really nice that we should do it on our patio, because we have an inclosed patio so no one would know.

[smackie9]

Ummmmm why didn't you both get tested in the first place before stopping use of condoms, or if you even did use condoms? Just because a guy looks and acts trust worthy doesn't mean he is disease free. Both of you get tested!

A word to the wise: Once you let him have those videos and pics he can do whatever he wants with them and there is nothing you can do about it. So if your relationship hits the skids, be aware he may distribute them out of revenge.

[Satina]

"A study found that 98% of the participants who are healthy individuals with no evidence of any symptoms did in fact shed herpes simplex virus." (sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/01/050106111129.htm)

Turns out herpes could be transmitted a zillion ways, not just from sex partners. A person who doesn't have any cold sores or apparent herpes symptoms could still be shedding the virus at any moment without ever knowing. Sharing a drinking glass, a cigarette, a lipstick, can transmit the virus. A person who has a cold sore on their mouth can auto-infect themselves genitally if they touch their mouth then their private parts. Many people are infected by their mother from birth or during childhood. That's how sneaky it is.

All this being said, when someone starts showing herpes symptoms (if it is herpes in the first place), it's really hard to trace where it comes from. What is sure, is that an honest conversation is fair, in any circumstance, and that it can only benefit the relationship.

Good luck with your issue

[michelle23]

I think you need to get tested first before saying anything. It could be nothing. You might have a yeast infection or it could be an irritation from wearing tampons or sanitary towels. It could be an ingrown hair. Stop googling and go see a doctor

[Wakeup]

What is the benefit of getting yourself tested every year if you're not ensuring that your partners are also disease free?

Anyway, you shouldn't be afraid to bring this up at all. You're in a committed sexual relationship with this guy and all you have to do is tell him that you think he should get tested and have a swab taken of both your sore and his (it's really the only way (that I have read) that can accurately detect if its herpes or not). It's that simple.

If you're feeling close enough to be having intercourse and then switching to oral then surely you can say "hey I'm not going down on that until we find out what the **** it is" (use your own words if mine are too straight forward for ya).