Should I stay out of romance altogether?

[CD110]

I'm 28. Up until now, I've happily kept out of romance altogether and never felt like I was missing something. But I suppose now is a good time to look into this particular facet of life that I've neglected. I have no delusions; if I got into it now, it would be like banging my head against a wall - painful and scarring, before any progress was made. But it would also be a learning experience for life. I'm clueless but genuinely curious as to what it would be like to have a partner. I mean mainly the emotional aspect, not the intimacy. While I don't get lonely, I would like someone to share my life with. But I have almost everything going against me:

- I'm short. This does not bother me normally but I hate to think it could cause me problems with romance.
- Social skills are non-existent.
- Peculiar appearance. Wouldn't call myself ugly, but let's just say I'd make a great movie villain with my face that looks like I'm glaring at all times.
- Not rich, in fact, I'm struggling.
- My personality is... dark. Dark humor, strange kinks, nihilism and cynicism make me less than pleasant to be around for most people, I'd imagine.
- As a result of the above and more, my self-esteem has been so low for years that I no longer consider it a problem and can't remember ever being 'confident'. What confidence I have stems from not giving a damn what anyone thinks, yet looking for a partner would make it necessary to do just that. At least I can take rejection well by now.


So would it be worth it to get out of my comfort zone? Or would I crack my head on that wall to no effect regardless of my efforts? It may sound like I'm set on my negativity but I'll consider any advice given.

[sowmia]

Do it. Get out there and see who you can find. Looks and Money are vastly overrated. Both of them can fade away at a moment's notice. What matters is who you are. You should never change yourself for someone else. Be yourself, and if you find someone who loves you for it, bingo!

[CD110]

Do it. Get out there and see who you can find. Looks and Money are vastly overrated. Both of them can fade away at a moment's notice. What matters is who you are. You should never change yourself for someone else. Be yourself, and if you find someone who loves you for it, bingo!

Thanks, that's reassuring. I'd be willing to compromise to get along better with someone dear to me, but change my personality just to be more appealing to potential partners? Aw hell no.

[sowmia]

Exactly! It often works in reverse You change to something you aren't, you find someone who likes you for it. You two get together. Eventually you slowly shift back to who you are. She thinks you've "changed". Fight happens. Breakup. Kaboom!

[michelle23]

Go for it. You have nothing to lose. What are you looking for though? What type of girl are you looking to meet? Have you even thought about it? Lol

[AnErin]

But I suppose now is a good time to look into this particular facet of life that I've neglected.

You are just oozing with motivation! Almost as motivated as I feel when I have to get my fat ass out of bed before noon o'clock.
You do not HAVE to find a relationship. If you had no interest before, the whole concept would probably bore you.

[CD110]

Go for it. You have nothing to lose. What are you looking for though? What type of girl are you looking to meet? Have you even thought about it? Lol

Well I dunno about nothing to lose. I'd be devoting a lot of time and effort into this, and failure would not be good on any self-esteem I'd have garnered by then, I'd imagine. But I'm thinking I'll still give it a fair shot once I've worked out the worst of my flaws.

As for whom I'd like, this may sound narcissistic, but preferably someone with similar interests to mine so we have something to talk about and spend time on. I'm a bit mentally rigid, so getting into new things is not easy for me. I don't really believe in the 'opposites attract' theory, but I could be dead wrong. Appearance matters little to me, it really is just a good personality I'd want in a partner. Like I said, intimacy is a low priority and I'd be more concerned about her needs, not mine since I'm not exactly a Casanova. Is there always some kind of subtle power dynamic in a relationship with one person being more dominant, or is it possible to have a relationship where neither one is an initiator?

[dem862]

Usually the man is more dominant, and most women respect and expect that. Even the feminists secretly long for a man to put them in their place. For some men it comes naturally, but you sound lacking so you will have to play catch-up.

[CD110]

Usually the man is more dominant, and most women respect and expect that. Even the feminists secretly long for a man to put them in their place. For some men it comes naturally, but you sound lacking so you will have to play catch-up.

Someone say it ain't true! I find the thought unsettling because, apart from being against my personality, it also taints how I'd imagine a relationship. Being expected to make the first move is bad enough, but to take the lead all the time?

[basilandthyme]

Not ALL the time, but any girl will get bored if you're a doormat and never stand up for what you want some of the time.

[Johnie]

Someone say it ain't true! I find the thought unsettling because, apart from being against my personality, it also taints how I'd imagine a relationship. Being expected to make the first move is bad enough, but to take the lead all the time?

The only long lasting and truly fullfilling relationships im aware of are based on an even balance of power.Maybe there is a sub/dom dynamic in some of its aspects (for example sex,time management etc) but on the whole there is balance and mutual respect.

[smiling100]

Not ALL the time, but any girl will get bored if you're a doormat and never stand up for what you want some of the time.

Works both ways i'm afraid.

Relationships should be equal imo

[fearoflove]

Are you good at anything at all or passionate about anything?!! You can attract women many ways. It doesn't have to be money or look or personality. If you are passionate about something, it is attractive.

[smiling100]

Are you good at anything at all or passionate about anything?!! You can attract women many ways. It doesn't have to be money or look or personality. If you are passionate about something, it is attractive.

Out of interest. If someone had a passion for health n fitness would you find that attractive?

[hatesthis]

No, don't stay away from romance or love and don't give up and YES! try to get out of your comfort zone make new friends at different social activities that will open you up more and get you meeting people outside of your comfort zone but also people with similar likes as you so you already start with things in common that way and stuff to comfortably chat about. Don't make your height a reason you never said how tall you are but there are lots of women who are not super tlal you can date and also taller women who don't mind if the man is shorter obviously women do mind but don't think all care about a mans height. At 28 approaching 30 it would be nice for you to take a real chance now.