It's so hard to see your ex !

[roberto1]

It’s not fair. Hello! I posted here several times and it seems to be one of the best places where I can find some comfort. I told my story to friend and they helped me a lot, but I don’t want to be a nag all the time. Sometimes I feel like the people from this forum are the only ones who understand me.Today I am feeling really horrible again and need to vent of a little and ask you people for some advice. In short my story is the following: I fell in love with a colleague of mine 2 and a half years ago and been in love with her ever since. She gave me a lot of signs that she liked me, but when I talked to her about this she told me she does not want to be anybody’s girlfriend or in a relationship. She started being really cold to me afterwards and got into a relationship with another guy. I was really heartbroken. She also lied to me and was, in general, a horrible person. I decided she is not worth my time and managed to, in part, get over her, mainly because summer was coming and I could avoid her (she lives in another town).

When we saw each other again during college, she started acting weird and sending me letters. I resisted the temptation to talk to her, because I did not want to fall in love again. I still felt lonely and sometimes missed her, but I was ok. I dated a few girls and had a more active social life. She really insisted and in her final letter she told me that she made a mistake, that she knew we were “ridiculously suitable” for each other. I told her I don’t want to talk to her again because she broke my heart and I don’t want to fall in love with her again. She called me (the first time after 5 months) at 12 o’clock at night and told me she wanted me to fall in love with her. I started talking to her, because, after a month of insisting from her, I really thought she realized she made a mistake. Needless to say that I fell in love with her again. She was great at the beginning. She said to me that she knew she broken me and that she will “fix me back” and take care of me. She told me I was the nicest boyfriend she ever had and that she really likes me and that I was beautiful and could not understand why she was not my girlfriend earlier. She told me that we will go to a Pearl Jam concert in Austria in the summer. I really liked her and believed she had changed. But, after a month, she started being distant and cold to me. She would refuse my invitations (saying she does not have time), she would call me less and less, and when I asked her what is going on she would say that she has a depression. I believed her and tried to help her get over it.
She split up with me on FB when I asked again, what is going on with her. She told me she does not love me and that we kiss “unnaturally” and that she did not feel right being my girlfriend. I told her she was superficial and, if she was not in love with me, why did she want me to fall in love with her. I felt like sh*t , but nothing could compare with what she said two days later… She sent me a long message, again on the internet, in which she told me that, in fac, she was seeing someone else and was in love with him and she understands if I don’t want to talk to her ever again. I told her she was horrible, that she did not keep any of her promises, that I don’t want to see her ever again and that I don’t want to talk to her. She told me to calm down and take it like an adult. Needless to say I felt horrible. Sad, extremely lonely, jealous and angry. I fell in love with her all over again and ended alone.

Two months have passes since then. I initiated NC, deleted her on fb and her phone number. I deleted all the pictures I had of her and threw out anything that reminded me of her. But, I could not get rid of the most important thing that reminds me of her. HER. I see her so often at college (we are in the same group). She tried to talk to me, pretending like nothing happened and whenever she does that all the memories of her are brought back to life. When she asked me why I’m not talking to her I said that she’d better leave me alone and her reply was : “You won’t get too far with this kind of attitude” . After I left the conversation she was sad and left college. I do feel better sometimes, and sometimes I have good days. But every time I have a good day, it’s like she senses and asks me something really stupid, like we were best friends. It’s just sooooo hard to get over her this way. I like going to college, I like making jokes and talking to people, but I can’t wait to finish it so I can stop seeing her. I try to avoid her the best I can, but it’s practically impossible to do that all the time. Every time I hear her voice, or her laughter I start missing her and being angry. I cant stand seeing her be happy. I don't know why but I can't. Sometimes I get the urge to write a letter to her I which I explain how she made me feel. How I cried myself to sleep for a month and a half and how I often randomly burst into tears now and then. How my head hurts and I could not concentrate for my exams. How it’s not fair that an awful person like her, who always said she likes to be alone and does not believe in love, had 3 relationships in the last year, and me, who wants someone to hug and love and kiss, has no one. I don’t want her to be happy, to do all the things she promised me with a guy she knows for a month. It’s just not fair. She knew I was in love with her for two years and when I finally got over her, she came back and broke my hearth again. Should I tell her? Should I write to her and explain what an awful person she is and how she made me feel? Yeah, one of her promises to me was that she was going to make me happy. I can truly say that this is the unhappiest period of my life. All the girls I was talking before she came back to fu%k up my life have a relationship now. It’s awful. On the other hand NC works. It truly does. I can sense that I am a little better than a month ago. Maybe this urge of mine to write to her is my subconscious who wants to open a line of communication with her… What do you guys think? Any advice? Thank you very, very much for reading my post. I think this forum is my only true help to get over this…

[HeartIsAching]

That really sucks... and you should know that she's doing it on purpose. She likes the attention she gets from you when she harasses you, and she likes seeing you struggle.

Is there anything you can change so you won't see her? Classes? Lunchtime? The route you take from one class to another? Schools?

[roberto1]

Can't . I would if I could in a hearthbeat. I try to avoid her as much as i can. I don't give any attention. Last time she asked me something stupid i sayd no and walked away. The first time she asked me for some pics on fb, eventough i deleted her ( and she refered to me by the " nickname" she gave me). I thought she was mad. The second time she asked me why I did not respond to her ( the " this attitude wont get you far moment" ) and the last time was monday ( still about some pictures). I dont want to back down and i dont owe her anything.

[pcmaster]

If its hard to see her then just dont. Look other way. Dont write her or anyway invest time cause you gave too attention much already. For me it looks like she wants your attention but once she gets enought of it she leaves. Maybe she just dont feel your kind of pain and dont understands pain you goin thru. However dont waste time to explain. You better of alone.

Sooner than you think you will meet a girl whos worth you.

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

[mollymari]

Write the letter. Your in College and can't be torn between studies and this person who treats you in a way you would not treat others.
Write the letter even if you don't give it, get it out, write it all down. You may find the process healing and a certain closure will surely come and you can get back do doing what you ought be and that is setting up your future.

Your allowing her to have this grip on you. What she is doing is 'weak' and very poor form.
You must not allow her to maintain this power over you. You must remember all you have to offer to the right person and stop wasting your energies on one who truly sounds unworthy of the type of affections your seeking.
And know this. Beware* Once your back up and living your own life without her energies confusing you, she may attempt to get your heart strings back so she can wrap you around her finger and play you like a puppet.
Do not allow anyone to do this.
Don't give her an inch... be strong, walk away and don't look back.
Chalk it up to experience
good luck

[roberto1]

Write the letter. Your in College and can't be torn between studies and this person who treats you in a way you would not treat others.
Write the letter even if you don't give it, get it out, write it all down. You may find the process healing and a certain closure will surely come and you can get back do doing what you ought be and that is setting up your future.

Your allowing her to have this grip on you. What she is doing is 'weak' and very poor form.
You must not allow her to maintain this power over you. You must remember all you have to offer to the right person and stop wasting your energies on one who truly sounds unworthy of the type of affections your seeking.
And know this. Beware* Once your back up and living your own life without her energies confusing you, she may attempt to get your heart strings back so she can wrap you around her finger and play you like a puppet.
Do not allow anyone to do this.
Don't give her an inch... be strong, walk away and don't look back.
Chalk it up to experience
good luck

Thank you , i think i will. Hope it will help. At least a little

[pcmaster]

If you write list of bad things about her every day it will help. Cause you have to lower her value in order to move on. And yes be careful cause as less you need or care about her as more she will want to get your attention. Girls like to feel some control even if they dont like the guy that much.

[roberto1]

If you write list of bad things about her every day it will help. Cause you have to lower her value in order to move on. And yes be careful cause as less you need or care about her as more she will want to get your attention. Girls like to feel some control even if they dont like the guy that much.

Who knows? I looked at her yesterday and tought if i would fall in love with her if i would not have know her by now. The answer was no, she is a totally different person from the one i've fallen in love with 2 years ago. But i'm already in love with her, even tough i have no reason to be. Hope it will end soon.

[OrangeSun]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I completely understand I have to see the one I love every day at work. Very hard especially when they are not interested back. But I do like she your ex does. I will put a big fake smile and speak to ex like nothing happened or wrong because you have to get through the day. Then when I get in the car I will cry my eyes out. The tears and sadness are normal. Not sure why we are the unlucky souls to fall for those who just do not love us back. When mine unfacebooked me I was devistated (cried for a full day straight then at least at some point every day these last few weeks) and I was just trying to accept and be normal with the ex. Good Luck to you and please don't feel bad about typing here. We really can't keep talking and crying to our friends. But here we can type out our feelings to one another. Get it out. It will help you to know others are dealing the same way and we are here for each other.

[pcmaster]

How old are you OrangeSun? Why should guy unfacebook you and why cry whole day over it? Are you sure it is not influation? How long you know the guy and whats so special about him?

[roberto1]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I completely understand I have to see the one I love every day at work. Very hard especially when they are not interested back. But I do like she your ex does. I will put a big fake smile and speak to ex like nothing happened or wrong because you have to get through the day. Then when I get in the car I will cry my eyes out. The tears and sadness are normal. Not sure why we are the unlucky souls to fall for those who just do not love us back. When mine unfacebooked me I was devistated (cried for a full day straight then at least at some point every day these last few weeks) and I was just trying to accept and be normal with the ex. Good Luck to you and please don't feel bad about typing here. We really can't keep talking and crying to our friends. But here we can type out our feelings to one another. Get it out. It will help you to know others are dealing the same way and we are here for each other.

Yeah , is really hard. Today i saw her hugging a guy and i felt so sad. I dont want to hug her or anything but, eventough she is horrible, i still miss her very much.

[OrangeSun]

PCMaster my ex is amazing. I pushed to hard and I know that I caused the break up. It was truely love not an infatuation. I wish more than anything that my ex would come to me and say I'm sorry I walked away I miss you and want us to work. Then give me a big kiss and a hug. But I know I scared my ex and all I can do is sit back and hope my ex will see that I was teh diamond that was thrown away. If I do anything then it will be me pushing again and it would destroy everything even worse.

[pcmaster]

You guys have the same problem. You both think too good about your exes. Theres simply too hight value for them in your eyes. Now roberto when you saw that bitch hugging guy it only rised her value in your eyes, gave her preselection and subconciously in mind you realised that shes great girl cause she have something to give to other guys too and it is not just you who could choose her. However man you are allowed to think only bad thoughts about her. Now you have to learn call her bitch in your mind and dont feel sorry about it.
Suffering exists because weakness exists. Perfectly pure human beings can not suffer.

OrangeSun you have pretty much the same problem. Only thing is you are bitch. I mean girl you have to stop crying. Too much of it and you feel only more invested, only more in love. Theres border where crying helps and where it makes everything only worse. And love without loving back is just that - influtatiation. Yes that is not called love when other person dont love you. You might not had time to see the bad side of the person but now at least you feel that side. It was only early stage of relationship so guy left at its best thats why its so hard on you. First 6 months to a year is the romantic part of relationship and it takes that time to pass to see the real person when true colours comes out.

Also guys, only beta crys and acts like its the end of the world over losing and ex. Alpha realises that theres other partners out there for him.

[galaxyman]

Tell me about it. You feel like your heart sinks when you see them again. :\