Love her...But she has a sketchy past?

[LostOne156]

Background:
-Been dating a girl for about 8 months; were both 25 years old. I've been thinking she's "the one" recently....Until I uncovered some of her past which is super sketchy.
-We get along super well, our families love each other, etc.
-She doesn't have a lot of friends.
-She was married and divorced about 4 years ago.
-She jumps from job to job; and lives with her parents.
-She comes from a very religious family that also has a very good reputation; but she's the "black sheep" of the family.
-She's a girl that "MUST" be in a relationship, she never has any "single" time to her.
-She moved fast in the relationship. Date to staying the night, love word dropped in 2nd month of dating, and talk of marriage after month 8.


Here's the kicker:

She left her Facebook open on my computer, and curiosity got the best of me(along with my conscience ringing) so I opened up her Facebook messages. Nothing out of the ordinary, until I saw a message from a married guy. Apparently two months before we started dating she "hooked up" with this married guy, who also has a kid. The messages were something like, "Thanks for coming over and teaching me those positions, it was also fun seeing your boobs!" The messages were basically the guy saying that his married sex life was bad, and that he wanted to learn new moves to use on his wife. I couldn't believe my eyes, it broke my heart to see that. The same guy tried to hook up with her again after that, but looks like she ignored him. She didn't see this guy while we were together or cheat on me, but holy hell...


Before all this happened I was sure I wanted to marry her. I really do love this girl, but how can I know she's worth committing too? I'm willing to do anything I can to help her, couples therapy, intervention by her family/friends, etc. But i need to know she's "worth" investing in.

It's almost like she craves attention from guys. I had to firmly tell her to stop talking to a guy that was being flirty with her; as far as I know, she did stop talking to him.

Any input? Worth keeping?

[basilandthyme]

You can't help her - only she can help herself. And that's only if she wants to. You see, if she's happy with who she is, then she's not going to change.

Couples therapy is not something I'd suggest. If a couple needs therapy to even get to the point of marriage, then they have no business getting married. Besides, these aren't issues where the communication between the two of you needs help.

As for 'intervention', WTF are you thinking? If breaching her privacy isn't bad enough, you're considering telling her secret to friends and family just so that you can make her change into someone you find more acceptable? Interventions are for people who are making decisions which are having terrible impacts on their lives and futures. She's just a girl who's got a few issues.

If you want to talk with her, go ahead. Though be warned she may not take kindly to you having read her messages.

[Enigmos]

LostOne, is it in your nature to invade someone else's privacy? If not, then she brings out the worst in you.

As for her, that's an awful lot of drama packaged in one bundle. Divorced by 21, codependent, got with a married man, fast with you (though you obviously welcomed that speed), possibly histrionic or narcissistic?

Frankly, lately, I've been fascinated with why people are attracted to drama queens (or kings). I get that it's exciting, but I question the validity of a longstanding relationship. Then again, "you can put two crack heads together, and you can put two bible thumpers together, but you can't put a crack head and a bible thumper together." So, if you're two peas in a pod, then there's nothing wrong with this relationship.

Good luck.