Was he a narcissist or didn't like me enough?

[marcusarc]

he's workaholic, selfish, critical, self-centered, and ambitious about fame. he said once that his priorities were always college and his YouTube cover videos first, and then relationship. how do you know if he is a narcissist or just didn't like me enough to work it? we've been together for 8 months and I've had enough, but i can't tell if the problem was mine by giving always more into this commitment emotionally, and he never give enough of it, sometimes it was just none emotion. i always felt for months that something was not right, but i couldn't know quite right what or why, so i kept testing him, and I've seen the worst behavior from him. My friends were always saying to me that i should break up (that he's to selfish, he want different things, and he's not right for me) but i ignored it, and i tried to do something about it... but it only it got worst. i only saw the real him, when i finally wanted to broke up for real... he started to disrespect me, he disrespected my mother (when i always gave my house for us to do our thing, since we are gay and he wasn't out of the closet in public or to his parents - he said that was no problem at all for us to work out as a relationship) and was always putting me down professionally and calling me a kid (that was the only arguments he always had), and i decided to finally break up....

he wanted to stay friends, but i said no, it's obvious we need space to move on each other and he didn't even respected me enough to be a friend or respect us not to talk for some months now, what the hell was he thinking? I tried and tried, but i couldn't reach him, and i still don't know why. i always gave him space for his life and all other stuff, so i can't say i was obsessed or anything. when i ended it was a relief, but it's been a month and it's been harder then i though. i can tell if it was just me that wasn't enough for him to love me, and give just like i gave within time, or if he's a narcissist and i simply couldn't do nothing anymore, since people never change. he only experience was one relationship that he was cheated, 3 years ago, and it seems that he didn't let go of it too... not that he still likes him, but i feel his anger about it, resentment for being cheated and thats the excuse he uses for him to be so cold and not believing on the emotional side, and only rational. why was he in this relationship with me after all this time? lol. i believed that it was only a matter of time to get more emotional, but i guess it was a bullshit, and i was only blind. he somehow tricked me to let my self-esteem go down with his general critics about everything, for me to get adapted to him to save this relationship (i tried to end the relationship other times, i just didn't end it because i was blinded about him), and i forgot to listen to my voice... i feel so stupid.

he has a HUGE ego, that's why i think he can learn or ear me out when i say he has big problems to resolve with himself as a person. he goes out on the street, and he thinks hes famous everywhere in my country just because of some cover videos he does on YouTube with 1,000 views or less daily. He leaves in a reality that he is better than everyone, he puts himself on a pedestal not only with me, but people in general. (his teachers, partners of work, etc).

help me on this one, thanks.

[smackie9]

If he was this inconsiderate, selfish bastard, why did you bother to go past the second date? You should ask yourself why were you codependent in this relationship. Codependent people tend to be in a relationship with a narcissist. Do some reading on the subject (codependency), you will find some answers there.

[marcusarc]

i was blinded by his ways... i didn't know exactly what was wrong, i just felt it. i just though he was insecure, scared (since the lack of experience with relationships and was cheated last time), so i fighted for the relationship, and tried to pull him off the square he lives in. but anyway, i did a research, and i think i can agree with some topics about "the codependent"... is it my fault, for me to be like this, who damaged the relationship? i always had my opinion on things, although, i was always corrected by him in the end, he was always right about everything... i started to shut my mouth, because he said i was always starting fights, when i was just speaking my mind of what i think it was wrong generally.

[basilandthyme]

Marcusarc, if you've got to *fight* for a relationship, it's not worth having. This relationship as you describe it, it sounds totally fvcked. Learn to walk away from relationships which are such hard work.

[marcusarc]

that's what i did, i deleted him from my life, and never responded to anything he sent me after the break up. i just turned off after all the disrespected when i ended, he only deserves my silence.

[irags19]

I've been trying to find insight into the whole, always correcting, always trying to be right, and constantly saying that the other person just liked starting fights when like you say, you were just trying to speak your mind.

Those are things I do in my relationship, and I am trying to understand why, because I realize that it is wrong. Maybe it's ego related? Anybody have advice on this?

[marcusarc]

yes it is. he has a HUGE ego, that's why i think he cant learn or ear me out when i say he has big problems to resolve with himself as a person. he goes out on the street, and he thinks hes famous everywhere in my country just because of some cover videos he does on YouTube with 1,000 views or less daily. He leaves in a reality that he is better than everyone, he puts himself on a pedestal not only with me, but people in general. (his teachers, partners of work, etc). how is he expecting for someone to carry with this? or i am a dog, or i have a huge ego as him and treat him like shit.

[smackie9]

narcissist it is then. 1% of the population has this disorder....yes it is a disorder. You can't fix it, nor can anyone else, he is what he is. The only person that can be at his side is someone with no self worth or self esteem, a follower, a doormat, but that is unhealthy. That would be pretty much like being in an abusive relationship. Some people can make dominance/submissive relationships work, but there is usually mutual respect. A narcissist doesn't know about respect.....well they do, they just expect it but don't know how to give it.

[marcusarc]

true, i guess that's the point and conclusion i came to have since i've gone away for almost a month with no contact with him, i couldn't take no more... and it was a painful experience for me break up with someone i tried so much to work. he didn't even had the guts to end the relationship... when i broke up, he was like "so, we brake up or not?" and i was like "dafuq? can't you see that we're not happy and not fine with this relationship?", he basically put everything on me, like it was my fault and responsibility. it's hard been the one who has to dump the other one, cause for a lot of times i wanted to talk to him again and see if he changed, or if he had is hand on the conscience of how wrong he was, but if he as all this characteristics of a narcissist, i guess that he will never think where he was wrong and admit it... simply drop it.

[michelle23]

If you even have to ask "is he narcissistic" then you should be running a freaking mile.

[marcusarc]

If you even have to ask "is he narcissistic" then you should be running a freaking mile.

i don't know, i just don't want to full myself that his a narcissistic, and then see him with another guy, doing things he never did with me (like being normal in a relationship instead?)... i'm afraid to full myself with this thing, and see that he just didn't like me at all and didn't want put any effort on this. i felt i wasn't enough for him, he never gave much emotionally and to say the truth, i never saw anything like him... it's the most confusing relationship i've ever had. It's been harder than i though it would, once i was the one to break up!

I feel like i'm sober over this, but at the same time, it feels like i'm running for an answer.

[marcusarc]

he recently added me on Google+, he add me as a friend in is circle at 5am this saturday. was it on purpose? i can't tell, i didn't even had him on my account and it was just strange. i just saw the email alert and my heart jumped really fast. How normal is this after 1 month and 2 weeks of my no contact with him? :s

I eared that now he is making competitions to invite fans to go to the cinema with him and giving free tickets, how lame is that though? is this a supply for him now that he doesn't have me in is life anymore? this is so confusing.

[michelle23]

Stop letting him suck you back in. Regardless of whether he has the disorder or not, he has hurt you, messed with your head, not given you anything but pain and crushed your confidence. Hes selfish and cant be trusted. Why waste anymore time on someone like that. Move on

[marcusarc]

one more question i have really going on a lot in my mind that scares me.

he did say in the first month of our relationship, he was afraid that i liked him more, than he likes me. he said he was afraid he couldn't love me back... and after 8 months, that's what it happened. is this normal at all? how can someone predict and "plan" this? :?

thank you

[IndiReloaded]

Ugh, why are you still thinking about this attention-whore? He sounds like a dick, end of. Is your own life so boring? Do you also think about your turds after you flush them?

Don't be scared. Just put one foot in front of the other in the direction of *away* from him and you will feel great.