Should I continue to invest in this relationship?

[Manager32]

I've been seeing this girl for about two and 1/2 weeks. We really hit it off well and everything seemed to be going just fine. We spent every evening and weekend that she was available together, got along well, talked a lot and had some deep conversations, seemed to have a great connection, and we both said that we felt like we'd known each other a lot longer than just a couple of weeks. She's a fairly private person about who she's seeing, but things were going well enough that she started bringing me around family and friends last week. We spent this last weekend together and when I left, things seemed to be going great.

By Sunday evening, I noticed a difference in her behavior. She was much less available via text. Conversation changed from fun back and forth across a lot of topics, to mostly stuff about her work and a lot of very short replies. She didn't want to go out Monday, said she was tired and not feeling well. Last night (Wednesday), she had a business meeting, but we were going to try and go out after. She messaged when she was done saying she was in a weird mood and didn't want to go out. I asked if something was up and she said there was.

She said she felt like we weren't connecting as well as we did the first couple of weeks and that things over the weekend seemed kinda blah (Which it was. We were together but didn't do much because we'd both been staying up late hanging out together and we were both exhausted). She said she felt like we'd jumped into something and that she didn't really know me, and that after I left on Sunday, she'd realized she'd spent every night she'd had free with me over the last couple of weeks, had spent very little time with friends, had stopped checking her messages on the dating site we met on, and hadn't been out with anyone else, and that she just doesn't know what she thinks about things.

At the same time, she says she doesn't want to give up on things. I offered to back off and give her some space to think about what she wants (she has her kid this weekend and will be out of town on business next week, so it's going to be awhile before we'll be able to see each other again. Perfect time to reflect, I thought.), but she doesn't want me to do that. She says she likes me a lot and that she doesn't want to give up on things and doesn't want to stop talking or stop doing things when she's available. I told her that was fine, and that since she wasn't sure about things, that I'd make sure not to get over-invested in the relationship. Her response was "Oh great, so now you're not going to be invested in things. That isn't what I want at all." I explained that I didn't mean I wasn't going to invest in things, just that I was going to be cautious and not let myself get carried away knowing she isn't sure about what she wants. Most of my questions (When did you start feeling like this? What would make you feel better about things? What do you think we've lost that we had when you felt we had a better connection? etc.) were met with "I don't know." I still hear from her during the day and we've been talking a lot, but she's also spending tons of time back on the dating site we met on. Additionally, she's in her late 30's, has a special needs child, and owns her own business, so I know she has a lot going on outside of dating.

So what do you think? What's she really thinking and is it worth continuing to invest in things with her?

[basilandthyme]

Sounds like she has absolutely no idea what she wants.

I suggest you tell her that she should contact you when she knows what she's looking for. I know it sounds harsh, but you have to make sure that you don't get strung along.

[smackie9]

She likes you but you may not be able to be the right one for her life with a special needs child. She is keeping you as an option as she looks further ie: someone with more money, and nice house etc so she doesn't have to work.....just a guess. You may not have all that she is looking for. She's blowin cold, you get back on that dating sight and you keep your options open too.

Remember you have only known her for less than 3 weeks....she could be some bi-polar nut job.

[Manager32]

Not sure that the specific concerns you mention are an issue. I have a nice house in a great neighborhood and I bring in six figures annually, so I'm in a good spot as far as that goes. She owns her own home and runs her own business, so she's taking care of herself. Additionally, her ex is still very involved in their child's life and is very supportive both emotionally and financially, so she's pretty well set all the way around.

When we first started talking, she mentioned she'd been having trouble finding a guy that she could "stay excited about." It seems as if one weekend where we weren't very active was enough to completely derail her level of excitement about us, and if that's the case, she either isn't ready for a serious relationship or her expectations are way out of line with reality. She's just started actively trying to pursue a relationship again after a long hiatus, and I also think she's concerned that she's jumped into something too quick without really taking a look around to see what's out there. I assume her waning excitement prompted her to wonder what she might be missing elsewhere.

I am back cruising the dating sites and I've been talking to a girl I dated a coupe of times before I met the person I made this post about. One of my guiding principles for dating is "Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.," and I'm proceeding here accordingly. What I wanted to know is if it was worth it to invest any of my time in this relationship and whether or not she might just be trying to slide out of things without having to come out and say "I've decided I'm just not that into you."

[smackie9]

If someone got weird on me or got cold after only 2 and a half weeks I would be out of there. You are an option to her soooo what do you think.......