A small preface to my life and dating... I've been lied to, cheated on and walked out on. Love has been something I've struggled with. I don't have much for family or friends and am relatively on my own. But that's enough of that, on to why I'm here.
I did something completely miserable. I went online to dating site... Looking for anything. Companionship, encounter or relationship. I truly thought the ladder wasn't going to happen. My mistake was I created an alternated identity. I fell for a girl I met and she fell for me. We spent countless hours skyping, texting and having phone conversations. We finally met and it was everything we thought it would be. Our dates and meet ups were so fun. We expressed our love for each other an desires to be together. Even talked about living in the same town as we lived an hour from one another. We did this while I operated under a fabricated name, job and told her I was 25 while I was 29... I wanted to tell her from the get go, but put it off. I avoided conflict at all cause. It ate me up, but she made me so damn happy and I made her so happy. I've never seen a girl look at me the way she looked at me.
Three weeks ago, she found out about my name. She was really hurt. I had an opportunity to come clean but I didn't. I lied again to make my lie not sound so bad. I don't know what I was thinking. It's so selfish, I just wanted things the way they were. But they weren't... I think she knew that I lied again. Nevertheless, we began talking more this past week. Thursday, we had a fantastic conversation and I thought things were moving in the right direction again. Friday, there was very little contact between us. When things are great, there is a lot of communication and when things aren't, there is limited to none. That's how this 3 week stretch has gone. A roller coaster, all because of me. So Friday, I tried to get ahead of this thing. I decided I'd come clean about everything. I wrote her a letter expressing how I felt about her and I was going to tell her to her face about the lies. I came to her work, she's a bartender. I sat at her bar and had some beers. I could tell something wasn't right at all. I requested we talk after work, she agreed. But she blew me off. It was really upsetting. We live an hour away from each other. I drove there, stayed out there all night just to talk to her and she blew me off... I think she found out about my actual name that day. It would explain that we hadn't spoken that much. I went in to a frenzy, calling her and texting her an obscene amount of times over Friday Night and much of the day Saturday. No responses until shortly before she went to work. All she did was ask me to stop blowing up her phone. She was upset about my actions over the past 12 hours, said it made her feel uncomfortable and said they were 'psychotic.' Also told me she knew about the lies of my name and employment. I was really down, but I told here I would back off and apologized... She was right too. I was crazy. I couldn't stop myself. I'm a fairly reasonable guy when it comes to that stuff, very uncharacteristic for me to do something of that nature. So I left her be. All night and all day. I sent her a text telling her 'I didn't want to lie to her anymore and that when she's ready for the truth, I'll tell her.' I then went on Skype, knowing she works all night and recorded a video message for her. I came clean about my lies, apologized to her for my actions. I truly am sorry and I think that was evident. I did this because I'm not sure she'll ever talk to me again. Not sure I would if the roles were reversed. This is so messed up. It happened so fast. Everything I told her about my family, where I live, my feelings for her, her experiences with me were authentic. For whatever reason I couldn't come clean about these lies I told from the get go. It was selfish and I know it. I've never loved anyone like I love this girl. She told me the same... But now I think I've messed things up beyond repair. How could this possibly work out? Thanks for listening and any advice would be greatly appreciated.