Drama though promposal

[Mandophon]

Valentines day: I ask my co worker (we also go to the same school) to prom with half a dozen roses and a rice krispie with the words "Prom?" written on it. I asked at work in the changeroom. She cried and said no because someone else had asked her hours before in school THAT DAY. (I had bought the roses two days before and wanted to wait till valentines...) She later asked me out but for personal reasons at the time, I declined. I asked her out later but then personal issues came into play and I could not follow up. Then last week, I found out that she actually likes me and doesn't want to go to prom with the other guy because she only likes him as a friend...

I asked another girl who had said yes but then said no because after I asked her, the guy she wanted to go with had asked

I ask first, or second, i still end up with the short end of the stick...

1) I want to ask Kate to prom...but I've MAINLY decided to not do this because that would not be fair to the other guy...(unless you guys can tell me otherwise, I'm lost lol)

also if I'm asking another girl, Sarah to prom, (if kate falls through) what to do about these things:

2) who pays for prom tickets? (if its kate, I will because I like her alot and she likes me)

3) is it ok if I just ask with no gifts?

4) any advice on how I should approach this?

5) also, I've been told to tell kate how i feel? is that a smart idea?


Any and all help would be appreciated!

[searock]

Of course you should ask Kate to prom, she wants to go with you. Who cares about the other guy, she gets to decide. No more gifts, you already got her flowers. You should just go up to her and ask her if by any chance she has changed her mind about going to prom with you, because you'd love to go with her. I think each of you should pay for their own ticket, but that's just me - if you both don't mind and are happier this way, by all means pay for her ticket as well as yours.

As for telling Kate how you feel about her, what exactly do you mean? Just ask her about prom and if she says she really can't go, find another day that works for you and ask her on a date for that day. Tell her you'll probably ask someone else to prom but that you really like her and you are looking forward to the date with her.

[Mandophon]

Of course you should ask Kate to prom, she wants to go with you. Who cares about the other guy, she gets to decide. No more gifts, you already got her flowers. You should just go up to her and ask her if by any chance she has changed her mind about going to prom with you, because you'd love to go with her. I think each of you should pay for their own ticket, but that's just me - if you both don't mind and are happier this way, by all means pay for her ticket as well as yours.

As for telling Kate how you feel about her, what exactly do you mean? Just ask her about prom and if she says she really can't go, find another day that works for you and ask her on a date for that day. Tell her you'll probably ask someone else to prom but that you really like her and you are looking forward to the date with her.

If it's kate, I'd definitely DO NOT MIND paying for her ticket. She's in grade 11 so she can't buy it herself anyways so even if I did mind, I wouldn't know nor would I be so cheap as to ask her to pay me back!

I think asking her if shes changed her mind is a smart idea, much less direct than asking her AGAIN. A close friend of mine has said that asking if she has changed her mind might make her feel guilty (but she did say the day I promposed to her if the other guy doesn't go, she'd definitely go with me)

A girl friend of mine told me to just tell Kate how I feel about her. My mother has me on total lockdown until summer so I was planning to use prom as a hang out and ask her on a date AFTER EXAMS.

How about this: instead of saying I PROBABLY WOULD ASK. What if I said, I'm asking you if you've changed your mind because I got asked to prom...and I haven't given her an answer yet cause I was hoping you'd change your mind...

hows that?

[smackie9]

Tip: the longer you wait the more chances of things getting messed up by some other guys swooping in and taking over. Never give a girl gifts or flowers of anything unless you are officially going out. You give a girl gifts, she will take advantage of you because it shows weakness. You should never try to win someone over with gifts, it's lame way to do things. Be bold and forward with your intention. If a girl can't give you a prompt answer, it's not going to happen because she is thinking of a way to get out of it without looking like a total bitch.

[Mandophon]

Tip: the longer you wait the more chances of things getting messed up by some other guys swooping in and taking over. Never give a girl gifts or flowers of anything unless you are officially going out. You give a girl gifts, she will take advantage of you because it shows weakness. You should never try to win someone over with gifts, it's lame way to do things. Be bold and forward with your intention. If a girl can't give you a prompt answer, it's not going to happen because she is thinking of a way to get out of it without looking like a total bitch.

Excatly what I was thinking.
How about this?

next time I see her, I literally ask "Hey, so I was wondering if you're still going with that guy to prom still?"

If she says no! then I'd ask if she wants to go with me
if she says "Ya i'm stil going with the other guy, or idk... (the i don't lnow/im not sure answer is the most probable considering what I know of the situation),

then I say in a very serious tone. "ok, cause I got asked to prom last week...and I havne't given an answer back yet to her cause i'd love for you to go with me."

then i'd add "oh don't worry about it then, just have fun at prom! My mom's grounded me till summer, I can't go out with any guys or girls till summer so we can hang out after exams instead? I think that'd be better."

i think thats the safest way I can "re-ask" her to prom...PLEASE BE FRANK

[searock]

Yeah, that should work. Just make sure she gets the message that you definitely want to go to prom with her and that is why you still haven't made plans with any other girl. Make it clear that she should give you a definitive answer when you ask her, because you need to know in order to eventually make plans with someone else.

I also think it's a very good idea to tell her that you are grounded, so she knows that if you don't ask her out it's just because of that reason. When are exams? Keep in mind that summer is pretty far away, so it's possible that in the meanwhile she will go on dates with other people.

[Mandophon]

Yeah, that should work. Just make sure she gets the message that you definitely want to go to prom with her and that is why you still haven't made plans with any other girl. Make it clear that she should give you a definitive answer when you ask her, because you need to know in order to eventually make plans with someone else.

I also think it's a very good idea to tell her that you are grounded, so she knows that if you don't ask her out it's just because of that reason. When are exams? Keep in mind that summer is pretty far away, so it's possible that in the meanwhile she will go on dates with other people.

Prom is june 6th, her birthday is june 13th, exams are at the end of that month. Ya, June isn't for another four months so the one real problem is to see if her attraction with me lasts until then right?

I just change the "k, cause I got asked to prom last week...and I havne't given an answer back yet to her cause i'd love for you to go with me."

to " ok, cause i got asked to prom last week, and I haven't given a definite answer back yet until I got a definite answer from you." that ought to work much better.

She should be able to read from that I like her if she doesn't know already lol.

I'd also like to add that before I promposed, she asked me if i gave a rose to the two asian girl that I was flirting with. I delibertly made myself look like a jerk, saying "well, if I don't like them, I'm not going to waste a dollar, forget four (roses were four bucks per)" and then 5 mins later, I promposed to her with half a dozen roses so...hits home I hope lol

ya?

[searock]

I just change the "k, cause I got asked to prom last week...and I havne't given an answer back yet to her cause i'd love for you to go with me."

to " ok, cause i got asked to prom last week, and I haven't given a definite answer back yet until I got a definite answer from you." that ought to work much better.

Actually, I think the first option is much better. Be direct and flirty, no need to be all formal and shy about it.

I delibertly made myself look like a jerk

Avoid doing that in the future (in general, not just with her). If you show someone that you can be nasty to someone else, all it achieves is to show that person how nasty you can be... and they will also be aware that you could very well treat them like that too, one day. It's not wise to deliberately show your cruel side.

Prom is june 6th, her birthday is june 13th, exams are at the end of that month. Ya, June isn't for another four months so the one real problem is to see if her attraction with me lasts until then right?

Yep, it's all very far away. Is there any activity you can do together in school, is there some way you can spend time with her even if you're grounded? For example, inviting her to your place to study together?

[Mandophon]

Actually, I think the first option is much better. Be direct and flirty, no need to be all formal and shy about it.

Ok, the first one it is! Thank you.

Avoid doing that in the future (in general, not just with her). If you show someone that you can be nasty to someone else, all it achieves is to show that person how nasty you can be... and they will also be aware that you could very well treat them like that too, one day. It's not wise to deliberately show your cruel side.

well to a girl it was a "jerk" move cause if I'm flirting with the two girls, why wouldn't I put some money into it right? All I did was tell her I didn't want to spend money on girls I don't like and ended up giving her roses...which cost me right? She got the point at any rate, she went "oohhh that's what you were going on about." so technically wasn't really that "jerk" of a move but I understand what you mean and defiantly will try to avoid that. Luckily this time, it worked out well for me!

Yep, it's all very far away. Is there any activity you can do together in school, is there some way you can spend time with her even if you're grounded? For example, inviting her to your place to study together?

Well, I was hoping I could spend some time with her at the lunch hour at school. But she's always with friends and I don't really know how to approach her for a long conversation during that time...all I can do is say a quick hi and that's about it RIGHT NOW.

I know I should start getting into her life a tad more. (all I see her is work and a little bit at school) so it wouldn't hurt if I spent some time with her at lunch...I just can't think of a second line to say to her AT ALL to start a conversation at school most of the time! in fact come to think of it, I've only had a handful of actual conversation with her...I definitely need to start doing it at lunch...and advice as to how to get the gears going to talk to her for that 45 min lunch?

All I got is a hey and then I have nothing, the time I see her at school lol

[smackie9]

How about going up to her and say "If you don't know who to go to the prom with I think I can help you with that...you can go we me!" Big confident smile. Then give her a nudge and say "Com'on you know you want to." If she hesitates, tell her " I won't take no for an answer....so what do ya say? you in?" then sarcastically give her sad puppy eyes to make her laugh.

[Mandophon]

How about going up to her and say "If you don't know who to go to the prom with I think I can help you with that...you can go we me!" Big confident smile. Then give her a nudge and say "Com'on you know you want to." If she hesitates, tell her " I won't take no for an answer....so what do ya say? you in?" then sarcastically give her sad puppy eyes to make her laugh.

I could but i feel that wouldn't...be me, you know? like I flirt and tease but that's just soo...that requires a lot of confidence! but do you think given my current situation? would SOO MUCH CHEERINESS be the right attitude to approach it lol?

[smackie9]

Not cherriness, but kool and smooth, foward, no fear. Girls really like that, guys will balls. They find it flattering even if they didn't have a real interest in you at first....this type of approach can change their view in a split second and see you in a different light.

[Mandophon]

Not cherriness, but kool and smooth, foward, no fear. Girls really like that, guys will balls. They find it flattering even if they didn't have a real interest in you at first....this type of approach can change their view in a split second and see you in a different light.

I told my friend what you said he went as far as scripting it for me. It's not what you would typically do because you can't script out a real life conversation but the mechanics are pretty sound. It is but would this be cool, smooth, forward and without fear? No offense to you but my friend obviously knows me better than anyone on this forum so I think if it's adequate, his idea would better fit my personality...if that makes sense?

next time you see her, you literally ask "Hey, so I was wondering if you're still going with that guy to prom still?"

If she says no! then you'd ask if she wants to go with me
if she says "Ya i'm stil going with the other guy, or idk... (the i don't lnow/im not sure answer is the most probable considering what I know of the situation),

then you say "ok, cause I got asked to prom last week...and I havne't given an answer back yet to her cause i'd love for you to go with me."

then you'd add "oh don't worry about it then, just have fun at prom! My mom's grounded me till summer, I can't go out with any guys or girls till summer so we can hang out after exams instead? I think that'd be better than just one night you know?"


What do you think...

[smackie9]

No because you are giving her the opportunity to think about it or get out of it by saying I'm not sure or maybe.

You TELL a girl what she wants, for example instead of asking "do you want to go to a movie with me" You say "I want to take you to a movie. Are you free this Saturday?

First one is weak and meek, the second is direct and confident.

And shut it with the personality thing. I'm teaching you something here that will increase your game. This has nothng to do with "personality" unless you want to be known as weak. Learn to step out of your comfort zone....you'd be surprised at what you can achieve.

[Mandophon]

No because you are giving her the opportunity to think about it or get out of it by saying I'm not sure or maybe.

You TELL a girl what she wants, for example instead of asking "do you want to go to a movie with me" You say "I want to take you to a movie. Are you free this Saturday?

First one is weak and meek, the second is direct and confident.

And shut it with the personality thing. I'm teaching you something here that will increase your game. This has nothng to do with "personality" unless you want to be known as weak. Learn to step out of your comfort zone....you'd be surprised at what you can achieve.

that makes sense, why provide her with an option to bail out right? So instead of asking, tell her! So instead of "Hey, so I was wondering if you're still going with that guy to prom still?" tell her. "Hey if you don't want to go to prom with the other guy, you could go with me." and as you said previously, nudge her and give her a wink. "you know you want to."

THEN IF SHE SAYS IDK, NOT SURE or STILL GOING WITH THE GUY (i doubt the third option would be her answer considering) then I'd say, "ight no worries, I got asked to prom last week but preferred to go with you."

then I'd just follow up with what i said before with the "mom grounded me" and "we can hang out after exams, be better than just one night!"

Works better in my opinion lol don't you think?