Should i for give or shouldn't i?

[kisha1986]

I've been with my "boyfriend" for nearly 6 years and just two years ago i found out that he was separated and had kids. My sister saw him with them, and when i confronted him about this he said there his cousin children. I made sure i did my own personal investigation on him. then he came out about it. this happened two years ago. now we do not live together and i don't trust him. he says he is in love with me but i'm feeling different about him. what advice anybody has for me please help.

[anc91]

He is obviously ashamed of being separated and having kids. The reason he didnt tell you in the first place is because he probably thought he would lose his appeal to you. He figured if he hid this fact, you wouldn't judge him. When really he shouldve been honest in the beginning. The longer you wait to tell something, the more it escalates. It sucks that he didnt tell you the truth when you found out. But dont be harsh on him. If you love him truly, you wouldnt let something like him being separated and having kids affect how you see him. I would stick it out for a little while longer. Now if he acts strange as in cheating, or something along those lines then i would worry

[basilandthyme]

What has he done to try and make things right since you found him out? For starters, has he gotten a divorce? Is the contact between him and his ex appropriate?

Have you caught him in any other lies? If he was estranged from his wife, it should have been fairly easy to keep her a secret - but how on earth did he manage to keep his kids a secret for 4 years?! Did he see them only rarely? Or did he see you only rarely?

Is he a really good liar, or were you ignoring red flags? Is he a good father to the kids? Have you met his kids? Do you agree with his methods of parenting?

And for what it's worth, if you're looking for permission to kick him to the kerb, you have mine.

[IndiReloaded]

But how on earth did he manage to keep his kids a secret for 4 years?! Did he see them only rarely? Or did he see you only rarely?

He's either a shitty parent, a liar or probably both. Or you are. I can't believe a guy wouldn't tell you about this. Were you living under a rock? Did you mean 6 months, not years?

The answer is clear about what you should do. Next!

[michelle23]

how the heck did you not figure it out in 6 years??? Do you live together? Do you see him daily? And why didnt you do something about it 2 years ago when you found out? This should be unacceptable. He was living a double life and purposefully lying to you from the beginning. How can you ever trust a word he says about anything now? And he likely was still with her when he met you which is why he lied.. id be running for my life and never look back

[basilandthyme]

Possibly a troll? "If it doesn't make sense, it's probably not true" is my mantra.

[AnErin]

how the heck did you not figure it out in 6 years???

hahahahah. Yeah in 6 years one learns much.

My take on things like this -
Even though he has kids, as long as he is not trying to get you to play mommy with them, it does not matter if he has them. Probably a typical "every other weekend and holidays" visitation deal.

If you have lived with him any amount of time and you never found out, he is pretty good at hiding stuff. WOW

[HeartIsAching]

Uh... what's to decide? He's been living a lie, when caught lied to you AGAIN, and didn't come clean until you proved it.

What's to stop him from doing to you too with someone else?