My best friend

[blue102]

Here is the recap:

I have a friend I have chatted with online for over two years. Our relationship was "flirty" and he has said he wanted to marry me if my husband ever left, but he was probably joking. Anyhow, there is a mutual attraction. I have never met him in real life.

So back in November or so, he said he wanted to come visit me. I didn't really think he was serious so I mentioned it to my husband, who said "no way". I told my friend that my husband wouldn't let him come. So then, my friend just stopped chatting with me on IM.

I messaged him, asked him what was going on. He told me he was depressed and didn't like talking when he was depressed. He told me to call him, which I didn't. I felt like he should call me, since he was the one who seemed to not want to talk. I didn't want to invade his space.

He never called me. So here is the awkward part.

I asked him where our "relationship" was going. He said, "You are married with two kids. I can't be the cause of a marriage breaking up." Now listen-- I don't want to have an affair with him, I just don't want to lose my friend. I said, "Are we still friends?" He said "we're still pals."

So he has not chatted with me on IM since then. He did send me a message around Christmastime.

Today I finally broke down and texted him. He wants to chat tomorrow and catch up.

What I need to know is:

- Why did he want to visit me?
- Why did he stop talking to me on IM?
- Why did he say he can't break up my marriage? We are just friends.
- Is he in love with me??

[4 ratties]

it is inappropriate to talk to this man. he is the smart one and u are not. quit trying to break up your marriage. u say your just friends but youve been flirting and trying to meet up. also your worried about whether he loves u or not. why dont u worry about your husband loving you.

Sent from my SPH-L520 using Tapatalk

[cookies27]

He wanted to visit you because he likes you in a romantic way and was hoping for some Afternoon Delight.

He stopped talking to you on IM because you refused to meet with him AND you told your husband: Two very clear indications that Afternoon Delight wasn't going to happen anytime in the foreseeable future.

He said he can't break up a marriage because he cares for you and sees you in a romantic light, and you either know that, or you just didn't want to realize it.

I doubt that he's in love with you, but he probably has very strong emotional attachment to you.

You need to stop talking to this man- he is being smart and nipping it in the bud before it ends up going any further and turning into an affair. Even if you're not emotionally attached (which you are, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here), he is.

If you value your husband and your family, you'll give it up before anything else goes on.

Best of luck! xx

[blue102]

Thanks for the replies... bump for more?

[Seriousme]

You know if I were you, I wouldn't give up my family for some guy who I've never met. I've been in a relationship for 8 months with my girlfriend now, it started on Facebook, we were happy and all (we still are) but now me and her have some serious problems too but I know I don't want to give up on her and I won't, I'll just wait for it to get fixed up. That guy is just acting smart I'm telling you, just be friends with him.

[jenifa12]

Dont worry. Try again

[TravelingArtist]

...Our relationship was "flirty" and he has said he wanted to marry me if my husband ever left, but he was probably joking. Anyhow, there is a mutual attraction...

Emotional intimacy is often the first stage of an affair for a woman because we connect with our hearts long before we connect physically. We tell ourselves it won't "go anywhere" but here's the kicker - often it already has. You're calling a man you've never me "your best friend" when you have the man who met you at the end of the aisle right beside you every day. I would encourage you to refocus your energy and attention on him and the relationship the two of you have. It may have its flaws, of course, but it is real, not just sweetly crafted words in a box on your screen. I may be coming across pretty strong, but in my line of work I've talked to too many people that have traveled this road only to find themselves in a very painful situation, having lost much more than they bargained for.

[sandybhardwaj50]

Thanks for share the post...

[blue102]

Update: We talked a couple of nights ago. He was not very talkative but he did say "if you ever get divorced, look me up."

I'm still so confused about how he feels and why he is so hesitant to have a friendly relationship. If he likes me then why wouldn't he want to be friends?

I don't want an affair but I really want to continue our friendship.

[TravelingArtist]

Update: We talked a couple of nights ago. He was not very talkative but he did say "if you ever get divorced, look me up."

I'm still so confused about how he feels and why he is so hesitant to have a friendly relationship. If he likes me then why wouldn't he want to be friends?

I don't want an affair but I really want to continue our friendship.

Apparently, he doesn't want to walk that fine line. Kind of the same reason a recovering alcoholic wouldn't hang out with pals at a bar, and a diabetic wouldn't spend a lot of time at an ice cream shoppe.

I would really encourage you to look into ways to create this type of friendship with your husband. If you're not sure where to start, you might want to look at the date night ideas on Focus on the Family's site - they've got a whole section on dates on a dime. I've used it more than once. Just find ways to reconnect and grow. You'll miss your virtual friend less and I'm guessing your husband will see your efforts and be more encouraged to reach out to you in new ways.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Blue, he's not interested. He told you if you're divorced, look him up. Otherwise, **** off, you attention whoring kunt.

[searock]

Why the hell do you want to be "friends" with a guy that wants to have sex with you? You are married.

Why the hell would a guy that wants to have sex with you want to be your "friend"?

- - - Updated - - -

I have a friend I have chatted with online for over two years. Our relationship was "flirty" and he has said he wanted to marry me if my husband ever left, but he was probably joking. Anyhow, there is a mutual attraction. I have never met him in real life.

You clearly don't know what "best friend" means. Yikes!

[blue102]

Why the hell do you want to be "friends" with a guy that wants to have sex with you? You are married.

Why the hell would a guy that wants to have sex with you want to be your "friend"?!

I am not sure that he wants to have sex with me. And why wouldn't he want to be my friend?

[searock]

Because he wants to have sex with you. You said it yourself that there was flirting and mutual attraction. He doesn't want to be your friend, he wants to be your sexual partner. That's not going to happen since you are married, so he is walking away (should have never even started talking to you in the first place).

[basilandthyme]

Update: We talked a couple of nights ago. He was not very talkative but he did say "if you ever get divorced, look me up."

I'm still so confused about how he feels and why he is so hesitant to have a friendly relationship. If he likes me then why wouldn't he want to be friends?

I don't want an affair but I really want to continue our friendship.

I think he may be interested in more than 'just sex'. By the sounds of things he'd like to try dating you.

Try looking at this from his angle: He would like something more with you and this isn't going to happen. But staying friends with you will remind him every day of what he can't have. Staying friends with you will be like twisting a knife each time you talk. Staying friend with you will limit his ability to move on.

Respecting that he can't be friends with you is the path you'll choose if you place his emotional needs above your own. Wanting to stay friends with him would be extremely selfish of you....both for the online guy and your husband.