My decision may have impact on relationship

[Simpo]

Well basically I have made the decision that I don't want kids and 95% sure I will feel this way in 5-10 years time when that may become something that would come up with my partner. So I talked to my gf about it and she said she was disappointed but will stand by my choice. When she said this it pretty much made me feel sick and guilty.

Deep down I know she will want kids and tbh she would make an amazing Mother but I on the other hand hate responsibility and just can't stand children and simply don't want them which creates a problem. My gf is perfect in every way and we get on like we have known each other forever. I know we have many years
of happiness together and just lots more fun, loving and living to do together. I had the thought that we could live together happily for 5-10 years then when time came we could go our own ways and she can find someone who wants a family and all that but then nothing ever goes to plan and probably wouldn't play out like that.

I just don't know what to do. I feel this guilt for some reason and now it is a thought in the back of my mind that she will never truly be happy but she will live in denial just to make me happy and I don't want to do that but I don't want to lose her since she means the world to me and love her to bits.

Anyone been in a similar position or provide some advice?

Note: she also said that she would choose me over kids if it came down to it but that again makes me feel guilty or strange or something

[Smila]

What else can you do? You have handed down a decision and you never asked for her input. If you love her and want the best for her, let her go. Because if you keep her, one day in the future, you guys break up, she would hate you for everything (as a matter of fact, even though you guys don't break up, she would still hate you and blame you for everything wrong in her life). Look for someone who shares your vision.

[Simpo]

Thats what Im asking. Surely just breaking up with her isn't the answer, we're both around 20 years old and wouldn't be wanting kids until around 30 so that leaves 10 years of just living, happiness etc. We are perfect for each other apart from this one thing and I really really dont want to lose someone that genuinely loves me for me and I love her for her

[4 ratties]

I know guys who never wanted kids and once they hold they're child its a whole nother story. your only in your 20s? oh yeah give it time. youll mature alot in the next ten yrs.
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[Simpo]

trust me, I don't want kids. Can't stand them tbh. I know they say as you grow older you may change your mind but don't think thats the case with me. I know for a fact that I would rather go on holidays and just not tie myself down with kids.

[Sunnybeach7]

People change all the time.. if you love her like you say you do.. you would really consider having kids.. at least one.. if you think about it.. a child is a part you and a part her... how else in this world could you make that happen?

Anyway.. aside from that, even if you don't change your mind.. you have given her your thoughts, she has listened to you and given her answer. She has the right to make her own choice and it seems that it's you she wants. No one knows what will happen in the future.. you need to live for the now.. that's all you can do.

If I were you, it is something that would worry me and be on my mind.. what you could do is bring it up every few years and confirm your feelings about things.. get her feelings, to be sure nothing has changed. Like you said.. you have happiness now, and no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.. enjoy life and the happiness you have now because it's a blessing.

[basilandthyme]

Thats what Im asking. Surely just breaking up with her isn't the answer, we're both around 20 years old and wouldn't be wanting kids until around 30 so that leaves 10 years of just living, happiness etc. We are perfect for each other apart from this one thing and I really really dont want to lose someone that genuinely loves me for me and I love her for her

You're looking at it the wrong way. 10 extra years spent with you is 10 years wasted while she could be finding someone more compatible. What you need to remember is that a woman's fertility window is finite...and if she is with you till she's 30 then she's leaving it very late to find a new partner who does want kids.

At any rate, this is her choice to make. As she gets older she'll likely meet a lovely guy who does want kids and will move on of her own accord.

[Smila]

For now, she is willing to swallow your decision because you are all that she has..once she meets someone who likes kids, YOU ARE DONE!!..

just putting it out there....

[surfhb2]

Thats what Im asking. Surely just breaking up with her isn't the answer, we're both around 20 years old and wouldn't be wanting kids until around 30 so that leaves 10 years of just living, happiness etc. We are perfect for each other apart from this one thing and I really really dont want to lose someone that genuinely loves me for me and I love her for her

Seriously? Youre just a kid.....you will be a different person when youre 30 so dont think you have life even close to figured out yet. LOL

[amandabrooke]

I think it's extremely condescending of people to say that you'll change your views on having children eventually because you're in your 20s. You might change your mind, but you definitely might not. I'm around the same age and am completely in agreement about not wanting kids. I think it was a very good decision for you to tell your girlfriend; now the ball is in her court about what to do. She might want to immediately break up and find someone more compatible with her long term views, and you need to accept it if that's what she decides. Because you two get along well other than this, she might want to stay for now and see where your relationship goes. You might find yourself willing to compromise 10 years down the road. However, you should definitely not feel pressured into changing your views on children if you 100% don't think it's the life for you.

[surfhb2]

I think it's extremely condescending of people to say that you'll change your views on having children eventually because you're in your 20s. You might change your mind, but you definitely might not. I'm around the same age and am completely in agreement about not wanting kids. I think it was a very good decision for you to tell your girlfriend; now the ball is in her court about what to do. She might want to immediately break up and find someone more compatible with her long term views, and you need to accept it if that's what she decides. Because you two get along well other than this, she might want to stay for now and see where your relationship goes. You might find yourself willing to compromise 10 years down the road. However, you should definitely not feel pressured into changing your views on children if you 100% don't think it's the life for you.

Well I'll be 50 year old man soon so based on my experience it's very good odds he will change his mind.....believe me

Furthermore. Why in fvck are 20 year olds talking about having children? That's silly talk at that age !

[Sunnybeach7]

Well I'll be 50 year old man soon so based on my experience it's very good odds he will change his mind.....believe me

Furthermore. Why in fvck are 20 year olds talking about having children? That's silly talk at that age !

I guess he wants to make his thoughts clear so there are no "surprises" in the future, and probably he was hoping she would feel the same. I wonder what would happen in this situation if the protection fails? Most birth control percentage wise is reliable.. unless you end up being in that small percentage.

[Simpo]

thank you for your advice and what not. Yes I may be young and yes there is a lot of time to possibly change my mind but I know I will not its just something I know for sure. Some may think its selfish of me not to have kids or stop my girlfriend from having any but there's no point in being pressured into having them since it is a big life decision and one decision I don't want to make. From my point of view (note I said MY) this isn't the sort of world I would consider bringing a child into.

We have discussed if protection fails and we both said that we would have an abortion.

[basilandthyme]

You're absolutely right that you should not be pressured into children. A child deserves nothing less than to be born to two parents who want him or her without reservation.

Thinking about this not being the kind of world you'd consider bringing a child into..... Would you rather that you'd not been born? The world may not be perfect, but I'm glad I'm here to experience life.

[surfhb2]

thank you for your advice and what not. Yes I may be young and yes there is a lot of time to possibly change my mind but I know I will not its just something I know for sure. Some may think its selfish of me not to have kids or stop my girlfriend from having any but there's no point in being pressured into having them since it is a big life decision and one decision I don't want to make. From my point of view (note I said MY) this isn't the sort of world I would consider bringing a child into.


We have discussed if protection fails and we both said that we would have an abortion.

Hopefully for you she doesn't change her mind if she gets preg.