How to meet a girl I don't know on Facebook?

[TommyW]

In short, a few weeks ago I saw a really pretty girl in some club I usually go to and I cant stop thinking about her since. I always see pretty girls there, but then I forget about them the next day, but this one is something else, I just can't stop thinking about her. I didn't have a chance to approach her there, but I though to approach her next time I saw her or if I see her tagged on fb in some club in our city.
Today, I got the idea to check people invited to an event in this club next week in hope of finding her there. I was clicking on girls that looked like her on profile pics and I actually found her there (it didn't even took that long). Now I know her name and fb account, so I can send her a message. But the problem is, we don't have any mutual friends or anything so what is my way in?
I know if I say how I really found her, she'll just think I'm some creepy stalker. Which I'm not, I've never even looked for girls on facebook before, but how do I convince her that?
My first plan, to wait for someone to tag her was better, because then I could say "I was just looking on pics and I saw you", which I think is less creepy then "I was going through people invited till I found you". But if I wait for that, I could be months before she is tagged somewhere.

So what are your suggestions, do I wait, or do I go for it now? If I write her now, what do I say? How do I explain how I found her?

Ok, there is a chance she will find flattering that I went through a lot of girls to find her, but I think there is a better chance she will think I'm weird.

Which, again, I'm not, and I think she would like me if we met for a drink, but how do I get over this first step of explaining how I found her?

Also, I saw she is 5 years younger (she's 18, I'm 23), so that may add to the weirdness


And if any girls are reading this, how would you react in somebody contacted you that way?

[Wakeup]

Why do you need to have mutual friend? In fact, it usually works out better if you don't.

If she's wide open to having anyone contact her then just tell her you saw her in the club last week, liked what you saw and would like to get to know her.

Or, just go to the event and have enough confidence to approach her this time. At least that way you'll be honing your "approach" skills even if she turns you down. Confidence is key so stop worrying about what she will think about how you found her, just work on seeing if she's interested in getting to know you. If she's not, then you can next her and work on the next girl you find interesting.

Don't over think it when it comes to your approach.

[TommyW]

Why do you need to have mutual friend? In fact, it usually works out better if you don't.

If she's wide open to having anyone contact her then just tell her you saw her in the club last week, liked what you saw and would like to get to know her.

Ok, I saw her, liked her, but how did I find her on facebook? That's the thing I worry about the most.

For example, if some hot unknown girl sent me a message saying she likes me and would like to meet me, I would be glad, but still, in the back of my head I would think "how the hell did you found out about me, my name and fb account".


And about meting her there, she's just in the invited list, most of those people don't actually come, so there's no guaranty she will be there.

And one more thing, I didn't see her last week but 4 or 5 weeks ago, so will it be weird I remember her after all this time?

I don't want to seem like some creepy guy who spent last 5 weeks tracking her, stalking her, etc.

[Sunnybeach7]

Why even go this route? If you know she's going to be at a club.. or likely to.. why not just go there.. and introduce yourself.. try talking to her, getting her name, etc.. then at least if you do message her on fb it won't seem so creepy. Plus a lot better to meet and talk to her in person I would think.

[Wakeup]

Ok, I saw her, liked her, but how did I find her on facebook? That's the thing I worry about the most.

WT Hell? If she's got her settings wide open for anyone to see then why would you worry about how you found her. She's wanting the attention of anyone that finds her, hence why her privacy settings are loose. If she asks how you found her, tell her you were checking out who was going to be going to the event. You think too much which means you're not confident and you have way too much invested in this chick before you've even met her.
You've framed her as the prize. Frame yourself as the prize and if she doesn't want to speak to you then screw her and the horse she rode in on. She's just another pretty girl. There are plenty of them. For all you know, you won't even like her. Just because she is pretty it doesn't mean she will be a nice girl.

For example, if some hot unknown girl sent me a message saying she likes me and would like to meet me, I would be glad, but still, in the back of my head I would think "how the hell did you found out about me, my name and fb account".

Would you really care? Would you be so dumb as to forget that ANYONE can see your profile if your settings are wide open? Who cares anyway. Like you said if a pretty girl contacted you, the main thought would be "wow" she contacted me.

And about meting her there, she's just in the invited list, most of those people don't actually come, so there's no guaranty she will be there.

So... you go anyway. If she shows up, bonus. If she doesn't then don't be wasting your time on her but rather dance an introduce yourself to other pretty girls. You're investing too much of your thoughts on her already. She's eat you alive the way you're going on. She already has all your power and you've never even met her.

And one more thing, I didn't see her last week but 4 or 5 weeks ago, so will it be weird I remember her after all this time?

Why do you have to let her know when you saw her. All she needs to understand is that you did and that after that, you caught her on facebook.

I don't want to seem like some creepy guy who spent last 5 weeks tracking her, stalking her, etc.

No, you'd rather seem like the wimpy guy that cares way too much how you found her to the point where you are making excuse not to actually contact her. What's up with that?

Just contact her and deal with the "how you found her" if it crops up.

[TommyW]

Yeah, you're right. I'll go there next week and if she's not there, I'll just send her a message and if she asks how I found her, I'll just say the truth...

Now, do you have any suggestions what do I write?

First I thought to tell her something like "you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen and I'd like to meet you", but the more I think, maybe its best to start with something smaller.

I know I am overthinking this, but I really don't think I ever liked a girl so much and I wanna give myself the best chance possible, thats why I am asking for advice. Usually I have confidence and I have no problem meeting girls in the clubs, but in all those cases I don't care if they say no, and I want this one to say yes, that's why I am analizing everything so much

[smackie9]

If you can see her activity on FB then you can see what club she is going to and run into her there. Make sure you are not alone tho. One thing I didn't like was a guy hanging out by himself looking desperately to hook up with someone.


Just a reminder pretty girls that have their account open to the public get bombarded with messages from other guys so don't bother going that route, she will just think it's just another shlep crusin fb for girls.

[Wakeup]

Yeah, you're right. I'll go there next week and if she's not there, I'll just send her a message and if she asks how I found her, I'll just say the truth...

Now, do you have any suggestions what do I write?

First I thought to tell her something like "you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen and I'd like to meet you", but the more I think, maybe its best to start with something smaller.

I know I am overthinking this, but I really don't think I ever liked a girl so much and I wanna give myself the best chance possible, thats why I am asking for advice. Usually I have confidence and I have no problem meeting girls in the clubs, but in all those cases I don't care if they say no, and I want this one to say yes, that's why I am analizing everything so much

Well, whatever you do or how you do it... don't tell her she's pretty right off the bat. I'm sure she hears that often and it won't impress her or make you stand out in any way. You'd do better to send her something funny about her profile or even some slight teasing. Even a "I see you're going to the event" I'll be there as well, will you save a dance for me?" and then leave it at that, if she doesn't reply then just ask her to dance at the event/at the club without the event or leave it all together and just approach her when you see her next as smackie suggests.

Good luck. Don't lose your confidence just because she's pretty. She's no better then any of the girls you say you've done well with. Keep yourself framed as the prize and end this framing her as the prize like you've done. You don't even know whether or not she's a bitch with a nice face or a snob or anything. You only know that she's pretty... that's nothing to lose your confidence over.

[TommyW]

Actually, she is pretty to me, but i think that objectively, she is not THAT pretty, she is not like a sex bomb or supermodel, more like a regular girl that i just happen to like for some reason. Thats why i thought telling her she is the prettiest girl ive ever seen, because I think she doesnt really hear it that often.
And i know about that "rule", you can never say a girl shes pretty, but i thought in this case it might work... just tell her right from the start what i think, not hide or pretend, and maybe she would like that, along with the compliment (especially because, as i said, i dont think she hears it everyday)

And also, her fb account is not really open, i can see some pics an d statuses, but not too much

[Wakeup]

Just keep going to the club until you see her again and tell her "she's pretty" in person. It will avoid all this fear you have about creeping her and it will give you a chance to see how she responds to your compliment. If she smiles and says thank you or some such, just keep talking to her and go from there. Or: Do what you want to do and stop worrying so much.

Good luck, keep us updated on how you get along with this.

[TommyW]

Just one more question... my fb profile is mostly empty, I got like 30 pictures from the last 6 years. Also I have almost no activity on my wall. Anyway, one of the last pics is with my ex gf, but it's like 2 years old. Nothing special, just she kissing me on the cheek. Now should I erase this or leave it?

I think its better to leave it, that way she will see I'm not totally creepy, but I've had girlfriends before. But if she doesn't notice the date, she might think that I'm still with that girl and I'm looking for something on the side, or that I broke up recently and just want a quick adventure

[smackie9]

Wow it's time to fresh that page, and add more resent photos, add new friends and start getting busy socializing on FB. Girls don't like loners.

[TommyW]

I'm not a loner, I just don't like putting stuff on facebook, especially pics and check-ins

[smackie9]

I didn't say you were, but it would look like it. You can post just random photos and nothing personal. Maybe throw on a link to your favorite video. If you are not willing to put effort into something it will show.

[TommyW]

So I sent her a message yesterday and she didn't respond. But even worse, she marked my message as unread (so to me it looks like she didn't read it yet), but I'm pretty sure she read it because she canceled my friend request, so obviously she logged on to fb and come on, it's impossible to not see the message you got in inbox.

If she just told me she's not interested or something like that, that would be fine, but this is totally bitchy. I think to send her another message, something just to show her that I'm not stupid, that I know she read it and that I don't care, something like that... what do you think, any suggestions what should I write?