Break or break up?

[leafy01]

I have never done this type of thing before and I feel kinda awkward about it, but I figure the more advice I can get the better right?

My aries boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. I am a gemini woman. Though I don't think the signs really matter. My boyfriend and I have been fighting a little bit. Well, four times in the last month. All the fights have been petty and just silly, but god forbid I ever say that. Anyways he's always the one mad at me over some little thing that I've done like the way I look at him or me not telling him exactly what's wrong because I know that it's silly to get mad about and I will be over it soon enough. I always cry and he always gets upset and feels like a jerk.

About a month or so prior to these fights he was very depressed because the career he had been working on for many years wasn't going anywhere. His business partners and him had been fighting and he always seemed to be angry. Lately I have felt like some of that anger has been brought on to me.

About a month ago after our second fight I said we should split not really thinking about it. I couldn't take how upset he was getting over little things. After spending one day apart I told him I didn't mean it and that I would work on my passive ways. I mean I'm a woman, most of us act this way from time to time. Regardless, I worked on speaking my mind and telling him what was wrong, but he still seemed angry all the time. Ever since that day, he's had his doubts. About a week or so ago he said that he was very depressed and sad all day. We had just had a fight the previous night when we were drunk over me not being clear where I wanted to eat. I was a little vague, but I wasn't mean or passive. I was honestly trying to do what he wanted.

After the fight, I came over and he wrapped me in his arms and said how happy he was that I had came. We made passionate love and we both shook with passion. The day after he told me that he had been sad all day after I said I was going to meet up with him that night. I told him that I was sorry that he could contact me when he was ready to see me again. Three days pasted and I contacted him to talk. I missed him horribly and I wanted to know what he was thinking. He came over and we decided that we were going to try, but a day later he was treating me like a stranger.

I contacted him and he came over we had sex, but it wasn't the same. It was on my part, but he seemed to be holding back any feeling. He told me he still wasn't sure what he wanted. I explained that I thought we were going to try and he told me that he was unhappy and he wanted to make sure that it wasn't us making him that way.

I honestly think the reason we've had so many fights is because of us spending too much time together. I also think that something else is wrong in his life. I have to start treatment for cancer very soon. I cried a lot the last time he was around. I felt abandoned and scared. He said that he felt horrible, but it still makes me upset that he would do that.

I have never felt so much passion and love for another person in my entire life. I'm scared to lose him. Even though I feel like leaving me during this time isn't right. He told me that he was scared to lose me forever. He still loves me. He smiles and stares at me. I don't feel like he's faking it, but I feel like he's going to give up. I want to try and make it work by spending less time together. I mean though we've been fighting it has only been this past month and he has had other things in his life causing him stress.

I'm not sure what to do. I can't contact him again until he seeks me out or I will just look pathetic. He will have to because I have some important stuff of his. I guess I just want to know if anyone feels like he will come back or if anyone can give me advice on how to deal with this when he does contact me. I want to marry this man one day.

This is my first time asking advice please be kind.

[basilandthyme]

We had just had a fight the previous night when we were drunk over me not being clear where I wanted to eat. I was a little vague, but I wasn't mean or passive. I was honestly trying to do what he wanted.

One of the reasons my hubby broke up with his ex was because she'd do this ^^ She always wanted to do what made him happy and he got real bored with it. You may think you're being thoughtful, but to a partner, it's a pain in the arse having someone who won't say what they want. When you're trying to figure out dinner together, if he asks what you want it's BECAUSE HE WANTS TO KNOW. If you really do have no preference, at least put in the effort to make a decision 50% of the time.

I don't know if all your issues are stuff like this.....because you didn't say much about your other fights. But if they are all about you being reticent about what you want, you'd be wise to start pulling your own weight when it comes to planning.

If you start saying what you want and think, you may get him back.

[Valixy]

It's not unusual for a relationship to suffer when one of the partners is facing serious career problems, especially if people haven't been for so long together. The stress, the frustration and the feelings of insecurity frequently take over the romantic feelings and the other partner often finds himself dealing with a different person. There is no easy solution for situations like this. Some people are capable to detach, give space and time without taking it personally, others can go through the every day life in spite of the lack of harmony until better times come, but many, just like you and him, struggle to find a solution and end up feeling that they are suddenly on different pages.

Sometimes when people are forced to let go an important part of their lives like their career, they may have a tendency to eliminate other parts too, good or bad... Or who knows, he may simply need some time to redraw, balance his energies and he will soon look for you again and start fresh even better than before like Aries like to do. Or he may feel emotioanally unavailable until his life is back on track. Either way, this first crises you're facing in your relationship and how you'll both confront it, should help you understand if he is indeed the right man for you and a possible long term partner. Maybe all he could offer you was a first great year when things were fine but as soon as the problems appeared he wasn't strong enough to maintain a good relationship.

My advice for you would be to never say we should break up without having seriously considered that and being sure it's what you really want and to try to detach, in spite of the powerful feelings you have for him. He pulled away and you have to respect this and respect yourself. Insisting and begging won't bring him back or make you feel better, on the contrary. You have to find your own ways to get through this separation, you really need your energies and peace of mind for yourself since you'll have a cancer treatment soon, and take in consideration that having a few great months or a first great year together is normal in most relationships but only those who are really right for us can/should pass the test of time. That's the only way you can judge real love and real compatibility because the honey moon phase, even if we find ourselves madly in love, is illusory.

[smackie9]

So sorry to hear about your battle with cancer. Sounds like it's a landslide of bad times. This has nothing to do with personalities, zodiac signs, etc. You both are hit hard with some difficult challenges that you both have no choice but to face. You both are scared and that's totally understandable.

He has no clue how to deal with your illness, so take control of the situation and find yourself a support group with people who know what you are going through. They can offer you the support and help you need. Maybe even make a few new friends along the way.

For him, tell him to seek out a business adviser or business lawyer to see how he can get his partnership back on track. He's stressing because he doesn't know how to get what he needs out of it. If he had some fresh knowledgeable opinions, it could give him the edge he needs to get it done.

I hope this helps