I seem to attract women in relationships

[RobertWQ]

Women that are looking for BF material want someone with substance, more to offer than just attention.....they want the full package, good looks, trendy dresser, fit, someone who can dance is a ++, has a strong social circle, is good at socializing, flirting, carries himself well, has interesting interests or physical manly interests like fishing, sports....and that just getting your foot in the door. You don't have to be all those things BUT your odds of finding women who look at you as BF material will be very high.

Would you consider yourself a "nice guy" type that gets friends zoned?

Not usually. I would never tolerate such a thing from a girl. If I were interested in her romantically and she wanted to be "just friends" then I would not have a relationship with her of any type, unless she really offered something significant.

Additionally, one thing I do not appreciate is a woman's pushy, long, and lengthy list of demands (such as those you listed) from a guy, when she is not at least equally appealing. And most women really are not, physically, intellectually, or professionally.


And I think I have a different understanding of what's important than some of the things you listed. For example, while I go to the gym and weight train and do cardio, I don't really consider "manly interests" like fishing or sports to be important, nor would I take them up to impress some girl. The physical activities I've loved have been tennis and bodybuilding. I played competitive tennis when I was younger, and was into bodybuilding for many years. I really don't care if this works for some chick. She might even be well obliged to worry about her own activities first.

I'm a post-bacc student working on applying to med school. I have this year to go and I will be applying next fall if all goes according to schedule. I also volunteer at a hospital and have a job that I work in between school and volunteering. I graduated in the top percentiles of my class at my alma mater with high honors, and what I care about is doing the things I've just described and doing them well. Remaking what I do to fit a relatively mainstream conception of what a woman wants (like taking up fishing, dancing, buying clothes with impressing girls as the primary consideration, etc.) is not something I'm going to spend time on. I have been fortunate enough to have experience to see what behaviors and attitudes lead people to be among the more affluent segments of society, and which appeal to the mainstream, and I choose the former. In other words, I'd rather be like my parents, who are successful engineers in Silicon Valley, than care about some of the things you're describing, and this takes time and a different orientation towards what matters.

Anyway, I'm not a virgin or anything, and I get interest from women regularly (I think I'm probably considered attractive physically ... I'm 6'0, dark hair, green eyes, etc.) ... I haven't been dating much recently but did more when I was younger. My biggest problems seemed to be connecting with women (and in some cases filling those boxes you mentioned) more than being initially attractive to them.

I spend the majority of my time: studying, being in school, volunteering at a hospital, reading, going to the gym, and working at my job. This is not going to change, so I guess the idea would be finding a girl who finds what I do acceptable. I'm sure being a doctor will be acceptable to women, but at that point I may have some different views about what I expect too.

[smackie9]

Hold it hold it, don't get your panties all in a knot. All I said is that is what gets you in the door, meaning what makes you stand out from all the rest, whom you think is worthy of your time is up to you. This way it gives you the opportunity to choose, instead of compete.

Too add women have to do the same damn thing to attract men. We have to be physically attractive, properly groomed, dress sexy, wear the high heels, the makeup , spend $$ on our hair, learn to be flirtatious, submissive and aggressive, have a decent rack, boobs, etc. We have to improve on our game too, so it goes both ways.

[RobertWQ]

That may be true, but to me, if men are expected to be physically attractive, as well as successful, [all the things you listed], etc., the demands made by women on men are higher than the demands they make on themselves, or that men make on them. It is honestly not that difficult to stay in shape, have a good physique, and be reasonably attractive.

We can debate which sex is worse off in the dating arena, but to me, I think most people should spend more time thinking about improving themselves than demanding a bunch of stuff from someone else. If a woman wants to go out of her way to make me feel inadequate for this or that reason (which that lab partner chick I wrote about earlier made constant point of doing), fine, but I'm going to look at what she is looking for and compare it with what I've seen that I think is more important.

I'd rather be a brilliant but not always 100% socially graceful, or fashionable engineer at a startup in Silicon Valley (or a doctor), than some cool dude who models their dress, interests, and behaviors on the latest mainstream trends ... I usually keep quiet about this point of view, but I get a little fed up with it all too.

To me, people should have more questions than answers ... because I don't see many close-minded people who think they know it all do all that much.

Anyway, I think you just hit a slightly bitter chord ... I want to move out of my current midwestern/mountain western state to Ca as soon as I can anyway, because I think the attitudes that fit me better prevail more in a place like San Francisco or SV than here.

[smackie9]

A poor musician always blames his instrument. Better start looking at yourself and stop blaming the "high expectations" of women for your lack of success. If you insist on going against the "current" you will always struggle. Suck it up or stay lonely, your choice.

[RobertWQ]

And what does a poor reader blame for their lack of comprehension?

You completely missed the point of what I said, which was simply: I'm not going to change my behaviors to fit a mainstream conception of what is attractive to mainstream women ... not when doing so compromises who I am.

I'd rather find women more like myself ... but it may take some work and time to get there. I think I'm more likely to find women like me (I know I am, actually) in grad school or medical school than in other places. On the coasts than in the middle of the country.


Also, again, I'll reiterate. The problem is less about being superficially appealing to women, but connecting with them on a mutual level.


And I'd rather be alone than lose who I am to put up with some chick's understanding of what is attractive and valuable in a mate.

[smackie9]

I see it's working for you so far......

[smackie9]

Just all like the rest who go nowhere....just keep going with the excuses.