I hate myself for feeling the way I do...

[Indestructible]

As a guy who's 25, and has never dated or been in a relationship or anything at all, I find myself stuck on feelings for someone.

See, as it is, I very rarely find myself feeling attracted to girls, which is depressing enough. Two summers ago, though, I met an amazing girl. She literally had every single quality I've ever wanted in a partner, and so many little idiosyncrasies that I just loved so much about her. Even her flaws were things that didn't deter me. I'd never state anyone as objectively "perfect", but she was just such an amazing match for me, better than I thought I'd ever find.

But, of course, she didn't reciprocate any interest in me. Worse than that, I had to sit by and watch her chase after guys that just didn't seem like good matches for her, guys who ended up hurting her.

And now, she's pretty much out of my life completely. Yet, through all the heartache, I just haven't been able to get myself to let go of my feelings for her and move on. Even with her gone, now, I constantly think about her, and I just miss her so much. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her; no matter what I'm doing, no matter how hard I try to not think about her, she's always in the back of my mind.

I feel like any other girl I may encounter in the future can only ever be "second place" in my mind, and I don't want "second place"; and I hate that I feel this way... The connection I had with this girl originally, that's exactly what I've always wanted, and she's the only person I've ever encountered that I've had that with.

I just... don't really know what to do with myself. It's so rare for me to be attracted to a girl as it is, then I find the proverbial needle in the haystack, I had the winning lottery ticket right in front of my face, but I don't get to actually have it. And now I'm back to having to wonder if I'll ever be able to "win the lottery" ever again, and actually get the prize this time.

[roberto1]

I truly think this feeling will pass with time. Find other activities to fill your mind , even tough you will think of her at least you won't think about her that much. I'm going through a simmilar situation and i know the feeling. I hope you will get over her soon. Good luck

[Mattiemae]

Love will always find you. Really just work on letting go of her one day at a time. Keep yourself distracted about thinking about her. I know that isn't easy, but it will slowly fade away. Love will arrive again.

[Indestructible]

I found out last night that today would've been the last possible day I could've seen this girl one more time. I'm bumming out super hard right now. For a lot of different reasons. For one, I'm obviously not there with her, today, so I don't even have a chance to say goodbye or say any last parting words. Then there's the fact that I've seen her so very infrequently over the last couple months that I don't even really remember what the last thing I said to her was, or anything like that.

The "hopeless romantic" in me wishes I could go over there tonight and make some kind of nice gesture or "speech" that might change things, but the "realist" in me knows that there's nothing I could say or do to change anything, and that not only would me trying be silly and wishy-washy, but it would probably anger her, and I don't want that to be the last thing she remembers about me...

Then there's a part of me that desperately wishes I could go back in time to change things. I wish I could undo me having asked her out; at least then, we might be friends right now, and we would still hang out and talk even after she's gone. What I wouldn't give for more time with her... Then, there's part of me that wishes I could go back even further and prevent myself from meeting her at all; because then, I wouldn't be going through any of this.

I dunno... I just feel awful right now, and I think I'm about to hit a new low, as far as "rock bottom" goes. I just feel like I'm being tortured right now, knowing today was the last day I could've ever spent any time with her, and knowing that I'll never see her again.

[lost_man]

Been there buddy, in more ways than I will go into. I know how much it hurts.

You did the right thing asking her out, it was honest and courageous. It was also by the sounds of it, too late, you had been friend zoned by then. Better to have done it than keep lying to yourself and her though, you don't want to be that guy.

Grieve and move on is the best advice I can offer. Use this experience as leverage to identify what you did wrong and what behaviour you can change when seeking someone else and trying to move on. Best of luck

[Indestructible]

It was also by the sounds of it, too late, you had been friend zoned by then.

Eh, I don't really see it that way. We had a good connection, but we never had that typical "friend zone" kind of dichotomy. Besides, in the past, she dated two different guys that she knew just as long as she knew me prior to dating either of them, so I don't buy into the whole "time = friend zone" myth.

So, yesterday was the last day I expect I'll ever see her again. It hasn't quite hit me just yet, because I'm still in the mindset of "I'll see her again next week", like I've grown accustomed to for the last several months; once it sinks in that she's really gone, though, I think I'm going to crash pretty hard...

I did work up the courage to say some parting words to her yesterday. I told her I still wanted to stay in touch, and that I'd leave it up to her, and I gave her my number. And I told her that, if I didn't hear from her again, that I wanted to let her know I'm happy I got to know her for as long as I did. Overall, she didn't react negatively at all, in any way, but I'd still wager a bet that I'll never actually hear from her.

On some level, I almost wish I'd never met this girl; and I don't mean that in a mean, malicious way. Rather, having known her has made it even more difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea of dating. This girl literally had every single quality I've ever wanted in a partner; it's like, I got a brief glimpse of "the best", but couldn't actually have it, and now I have to make due with what I can, and that just sucks.

Heck, I don't know this for a fact, but I *think* this one girl that goes to the same school as me has some kind of little thing for me, but I just don't care enough to even want to bother asking her out. I mean, she's okay, but... that's just it. She's just "okay". I'm tired of "okay". I don't want "okay". I want the girl I've had feelings for for the last couple of years. I want someone exactly like her.

So now I'm stuck on this idea of only wanting "the best", but in reality, that means that I'm probably going to spend the rest of my life alone, looking for some imaginary woman that probably doesn't even exist. v_v