Guys I have one more question sorry about this

[Mattiemae]

I mean think about it people remember a time in your life people told other people you did something when you didn't do it, and how many times people gave advice about you, and you got all bent out of shape because it wasn't the truth? I'm sure it has happen in your relationships.

[woody]

Okay so it really looks like she's cheating but...

today when she came home I started doing stuff she came down to get a drink I was doing the dishes and she said I looked stressed and asked what was going on I said nothing and went back to doing dishes and she said why don't you just come lay down and relax and I just ignored her she started getting sad and asking why I was ignoring her and then I lashed out by saying if you want someone to lay down with go call your "friend" and she burst into tears saying she'd never talk to another guy again if it made me so mad. Then she told me she's fine staying home alone if she has to that she never will do that again. That she was just having a bad day and needed a hug and was tired and fell asleep and all this stuff. So now i'm just confused and ready to be done with her... Sorry I needed to vent

Your getting allot of advice from varied perspectives here. Yet the bottom line is,, YOUR HAVING A BABY . How about the three of you, you , baby and Mummy simply get along and create a comfortable zone for this little guy or girl to finish growing in there. STRESS is NOT GOOD. So if the two adults can't do it for themselves, do it for that little innocent blessing you two have in there.

Make the life altering decisions once babies out and for goodness sake, try giving benefit to any doubt. Sure, she should not have been held by another man who use to be her ex while you were out working; but every side has its story.
Maybe, she just needed a hug. And now that she knows it makes you uncomfortable, she won't do it again.

Remember, her bodies is going through major changes. REad about it.

Its the guy friend who is overstepping. Don't forget that and protect your Family.

[KingZ]

Hmm, I like threads like these that are difficult and ambiguous.

Gonna take a less harsh version of BackUp's stance, here. Being pregnant does NOT forgive immoral behavior for the same reason that being drunk or high does not forgive immoral behavior. The only reason Michelle may have a point is that causing her excessive stress may actually produce adverse effects on the baby's health.

I have a couple female friends that I've known since early elementary school, and I wouldn't cuddle with them because they're friends. Do you cuddle with your male friends? I bet you don't. Gender doesn't have anything to do with it. If you cuddle with someone, they're more than a friend.

I think she's trying to placate you because you breaking up with her is a direct threat to her domestic and financial stability, and your anger is an indirect threat to the child.

I wish I had better things to tell you, but if you're able to look at this for what it is, you're a stronger man than me.

As others have mentioned, this is beyond a standard relationship because your actions will now have very heavy consequences on the kiddo. Breaking up is NOT necessarily the easiest, safest, or best option.

What I would do now: stay calm and ride things out until she gives birth. Heavily monitor (without snooping) the friendship with the guy. If things work out, they work out. Give it 3 months post-pregnancy before you revisit this decision.

Good luck.

[woody]

Kingz advice sums it up very well. Yup. It's all about the baby now and making sure its environment is stress free as can be. Above advice is golden. Get back to the loving relationship and please don't allow some outsider ex man stand between you and yours. I know the doubts are not easy to deal with but you have to be strong.
good luck

[confusedguy1012]

I think she's trying to placate you because you breaking up with her is a direct threat to her domestic and financial stability, and your anger is an indirect threat to the child.

Sooo.. you think she's using me???? Along with cheating on me??

[searock]

confusedguy, if you doubt her so much, why the hell are you even with her? How is it possible that you never doubted her commitment to you before this one incident, and now all of a sudden you change your mind about her so quickly? Do you not know her at all, after 4 years together?

What she did (cuddling with her friend) is wrong and inexcusable. However, you should avoid all the drama until after the baby is born and everything settles down. Be patient and avoid stressing her (and yourself) out. Just tell her that you don't want her to cross fundamental relationship boundaries: she does not get to cuddle with other guys, no matter who they are (apart from family) and no matter how tired or cranky she may be. Apart from this, tell her you trust her and you just want things to be ok. I agree with KingZ, basically: wait until a few months after the baby is born before you do anything drastic like "taking a break". Do it for the baby, if not for anything else.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't understand how what I said was harsh. I didn't even call her a bitch or a cunt. Didn't even call her a liar, and I think she is all 3.

Confusedguy, she may not necessarily be using you, but if you leave her now she is completely ****ed and she knows it, so she will say anything to keep you happy. You've already said that she'll say whatever necessary to avoid a fight. I do think she cheated.

Searock, if you walked in on your boyfriend cuddling on the couch with another chick sleeping in his arms, what would you do? Would you really believe there was nothing going on? If a girl had walked in on her guy cuddling another chick, you'd be telling her to dump the cheater.

[michelle23]

Yes we all know cuddling the guy was wrong. Nobody is doubting that. Yes she did cross a line but stressing her out right now is not a good idea. OP knew this dude was her friend from the beginning-he never had an issue with it before and decides to make a big deal out of it now when shes pregnant. Boundaries should have been set a long time ago.

I think there are a lot of things to consider here. 1 she has known this guy her whole life 2 shes pregnant 3 shes ill and having a v difficult atypical pregnancy 4 shes highly emotional 5 she needed a friend 6 he just happened to be there.

Op maybe she got upset talking about the pregnancy or being sick, she could have been saying shes worried and crying. Most guys would give her a hug in that situation to comfort her-it doesnt automatically mean she is a cheat that you cant trust and should dump asap..

I think you need to calm down. Your emotional and angry and therefore not thinking rationally. Go to a different forum and ask the same qs. Get a few other opinions. Talk to a family member or a close friend. Dont allow strangers who dont even know her to convince you shes cheating. You know her best so calm down and think this through

Honestly if my bf comforted an upset girl by giving her a hug, pat on the back etc and it was just a one off thing i wouldnt make a big deal out of it. I bumped into an old friend i used to be close to on a night out. He was upset about some stuff and confided. I gave him a hug and said it would be alright. And you all know i am not a cheat-nor have i ever had feelings for him

[Starnique]

Michelle

its a difference between hugging someone, patting them on the back or comforting them and letting them know everything will be okay. Cuddling is more of an act of intimacy. Think about it. Guys don't really cuddle with chics who they don't care about it and vice versa.

[KingZ]

Sooo.. you think she's using me???? Along with cheating on me??

Not exactly.

she's may not necessarily be using you, but if you leave her now she is completely ****ed and she knows it, so she will say anything to keep you happy.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Michelle, don't be a ****ing retard. You know you'd flip your shit if you walked in on your bf cuddling on the couch with another chick sleeping in his arms. You'd be ready to "beat his ass" or "slap him", or some other crazy shit you're always spouting off about. You would definitely dump him.

[searock]

BackUp, if my boyfriend was pregnant and I walked in on him cuddling with another woman, first of all I would get pissed and make the woman get the hell out of my house. Then I would tell him that he crossed a basic relationship boundary and that it should never happen again if he wants to be with me. Of course I wouldn't trust him as before and I would be angry, that's normal. However, I would put the baby first and I would wait at least until he had the baby and things settled down before taking any decision. I would also try my best to not stay pissed at him so as to avoid any stressful environment for the baby.

[Starnique]

BackUp, if my boyfriend was pregnant and I walked in on him cuddling with another woman, I would tell him that he crossed a basic relationship boundary and that it should never happen again if he wants to be with me. Of course I wouldn't trust him as before and I would be angry, that's normal. However, I would put the baby first and I would try my best to be patient and to wait at least until he had the baby and things settled down before taking any decision.

Most people aren't as passive as you.

The baby should be put first. This pregnant chic needs to start making better decisions. To play the victim and put on like you so stressed because you got caught cuddling with the next guy and make him feel bad because you are stressed and the baby is at risk, is not only wrong but manipulative.

[searock]

Exactly, the baby should be put first. That's exactly why I would try to be patient and wait until the baby is born before stressing out the person that has to give birth to her/him. It doesn't mean I wouldn't be pissed out of my mind, and it doesn't mean I would just forget what happened. It just means that I would try to be patient and wait until after the baby is born before taking any decision.

[KingZ]

first of all I would get pissed and make the woman get the hell out of my house.

Imagine a 5'1" Hermione-looking girl with huge glasses (because that's how I picture searock) saying "get the hell out of my house!"

I lol'd.