I'd like advice I think my girlfriend cheated on me!

[bekho]

You were right to be angry 100%

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[smackie9]

This would be a difficult time to have a conversation with her about it but if your approach is with sensitivity and tact, I'm sure she can understand your point of view. Just let her know that you wish you could be off work to be with her comforting her 24 7 but you can't and that you feel bad about that. You felt even worse when you saw her friend taking your place. She needs to understand that there has to be boundaries set, even for dear old friends of the opposite sex. What happened was not appropriate for someone in a relationship period. Tho you acted hastily, you couldn't help but feel hurt another man doing something that no other man, except maybe her father, should be doing. Apologize to her, and apologize to him. Explain to him that he had crossed the line, and hope he understands why you reacted the way you did. Also mention that you have no problem with them continuing their friendship, BUT there needs to be boundaries and expectations set, but not just for her but this will include you and any female friends you may have.

Now to solve this issue at home. Maybe call on some family that can come over and visit her during the day. How about making a compromise and come home early or take a day off once a week. I'm sure if you talk to your employer, and explain your situation, I'm pretty sure there can be some flexibility with your hours. Make sure she knows you want to work with her to make this experience more comfortable, and you are willing to do whatever to make it happen within reason. Just some ideas I hope this helps.

[smackie9]

I don't think it was cheating, in her state with the hormones and the stress of losing the baby, she is willing to cling onto anyone at this point. They may have dated at one time but she is with YOU and having a baby with you. I doubt she is in any mood to be falling in love. Pregnant women feel fat and unattractive and I'm sure she is feeling quite miserable. To me he felt sorry for her and was just comforting her, probably by her request to cuddle with her because she was having an extra bad day.

Close contact doesn't always have to mean something romantic or sexual, tho everyone is quick to judge. I feel it was quite genuine that he was only being a friend. That's my take on it.

Best of luck with the new baby.

[confusedguy1012]

This would be a difficult time to have a conversation with her about it but if your approach is with sensitivity and tact, I'm sure she can understand your point of view. Just let her know that you wish you could be off work to be with her comforting her 24 7 but you can't and that you feel bad about that. You felt even worse when you saw her friend taking your place. She needs to understand that there has to be boundaries set, even for dear old friends of the opposite sex. What happened was not appropriate for someone in a relationship period. Tho you acted hastily, you couldn't help but feel hurt another man doing something that no other man, except maybe her father, should be doing. Apologize to her, and apologize to him. Explain to him that he had crossed the line, and hope he understands why you reacted the way you did. Also mention that you have no problem with them continuing their friendship, BUT there needs to be boundaries and expectations set, but not just for her but this will include you and any female friends you may have.

Now to solve this issue at home. Maybe call on some family that can come over and visit her during the day. How about making a compromise and come home early or take a day off once a week. I'm sure if you talk to your employer, and explain your situation, I'm pretty sure there can be some flexibility with your hours. Make sure she knows you want to work with her to make this experience more comfortable, and you are willing to do whatever to make it happen within reason. Just some ideas I hope this helps.

You have made some really good points, and I do want to make this better for her. Maybe your right I can at least not work on weekends or something or be able to leave earlier or something and i'm thinking about the possibility of flying her sister in till the pregnancy is over we only have like 3 more months, I will defintly be talking to him about this I got angrier then I should have he was trying to help and I doubt either of them meant any harm thank you you have been a huge help.

[Mattiemae]

The thing is you have to be honest with yourself and everyone involved. We make agreements with other people by going along with their actions and behaviors. When we get angry or frustrated it means someone is crossing either our emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual boundaries. While we tend to want to be people pleasers and not hurt other people's feelings, it comes down to what is harmful or harmless to ourselves and other people. What is the bigger picture, versus the smaller picture of the present moment. We create the reality we live in, in the moment. We are each responsible for our own feelings, emotions, and actions whether we want to admit it or not.

In this situation she will get upset because she values the friendship and relationship. I have a best friend that is a guy, but when we were single we didn't have to worry about partners. No we didn't have sex, or kiss, but sometimes a hug or peck on the cheek. When we have partners, we have to grow up and understand we have a responsibility to our partners. It's an emotional attachment and of course the other person may have been there for along time through various problems and issues and gave her emotional support through ex boyfriends, or family problems.

You don't need to be jealous of him perse, but she has to understand sooner or later she has to make the choice to see you as her emotional, mental, and spiritual support. Not him. It is going to be hard for her to let go of him to a degree, and she may not be able to very easily. Really you have to explain it makes you feel uncomfortable that she is being so affectionate with someone that is not her lover or having a baby with. It may not be what she wants to hear.

Some of this has to do with her becoming emotionally mature, standing on her own two feet, and not depending on someone else to make her feel good about herself. It's kind of like a pacifier or security blanket. When things get hard she relies on him for comfort and to calm her emotions and feelings. Fortunately she needs to find some other way to do that through art, writing a journal, meditation, or some healthy way to get rid of her emotions and feelings.

This is just my perspective as a woman and had lots of guy friends, so trying to explain how it works. It really isn't so much about the guy, but her issues from childhood, and past relationships. He's kind of like a rescuer from her pain and suffering. She seeks love, emotional support, and someone to accept her the way she is in the moment. She gets that from him. Not necessarily in a romantic or sexual way.

So the thing is you may have to just have a heart to heart talk with her and explain what I'm telling you to her. There comes a point when she has to make a choice to invest that energy and emotion in feeling in her guy friends, or let them go and invest it where it belongs with you.

You may sound like a persecutor, or like you're judging her, but that is not what you're doing. It really depends on how healthy of a relationship she wants to have with you. She really has to make you a priority. It may be necessary to find someone else to stay with her, if they both can't respect your emotions, feelings, and relationship. It is as simple as just helping them understand you don't have a problem with their friendship, but respect the boundaries, and they already know what those bounaries are, don't let them fool you. It's not acceptable and you're not in agreement with him making affectionate moves with her. It's not being mean. It's realistic. They can't expect you to sit around and be comfortable with that, and if they don't understand, just find someone else to stay with her, and you have to stand up for yourself.

There are some things you don't need to get all bent out of shape with, but fortunately whether we have the right intentions or not any time we are alone with the opposite sex man or woman feelings and emotions grow. That is just common sense and usually how affairs begin. Neither one intends for it to happen, and say it could never happen, but more times than not it does. It is not about jealousy, but understanding that when we place our selves in these situations we leave the door open to temptation. When I was married I would always talk to men outside of my home, or never anywhere we were alone. Some people don't really think about this stuff, but it happens because number one, we have a low self worth, and self esteem. Always looking for love outside of ourselves instead of valuing and appreciating our own worth.

We make our own issues other people's issues, and travel relationship to relationship thinking things will be greener or better to only find ourselves battling the same emotions and feelings. Boredom, impatience, thinking we're not loved by sitting their creating stories in our mind about our partner don't love us, or doesn't care. Making assumptions, and the best way is not say much of anything, but show through our actions, affection and love.

Listening, having patience, not judging, and allowing someone to be themselves. I wouldn't go as far to say she has to end their friendship, but just the fact that if he wants to help out in her care, than he has to respect those boundaries, and if not find someone else that can stay with her that does respect the relationship.

[Mattiemae]

Fortunately we have fears that we will be rejected! But like this is part of the life lessons we have to learn. My bf has his boundaries and when I know I'm doing something harmful I know he means business. So I don't do just what ever I please. There is respect and disrespect. I'm sure we do have fears we will lose people and not set boundaries, but I've learned not setting boundaries I get harmed far more times than I do when I set my boundaries. Basically you have to allow people to know if they want to be a part of your life they have to respect you. It is tough setting those boundaries and like I said, she might not like hearing it, but any man would say the exact same thing. You're not asking anything that isn't reasonable.

[woody]

Hey there,

Hope this finds you and yours well. Don't think of it as setting boundaries. When you talk so her about it, approach it as, setting 'comfort' levels. That She is your lady and you are her man and you have a baby coming and you love her and your soon to be son or daughter so very much; and though you want her to have her friend for support, you can't help but feel a little protective over YOUR Family. Just be straight up with her and tell her, the cuddles make you uncomfortable, that is all. Your trying to be big about it, maybe the hormones of DAddyHood are kickin in but there's just something about walking into your Families home and seeing your beloved and her swollen beautiful belly vertical with another man, old chum or not.

They dated, she's got to understand why you'd feel uncozy.

Now, to deal with him. I fully agree with what some others said. He is crossing a line here, no matter how he's chalked it up in his mind, you don't coddle another mans pregnant lady. You need to talk to this guy. Approach it VERY gingerly, gently, buddy buddy. You never know, you may find he's alright; but he needs to know the holding while vertical is a no go; your happy he's around in case something happens and she needs a drive or something and for the friendly support; that you wish you didn't have to leave for work and could spend all your time with her and the baby but you simply cannot and then ask him how he would feel if the situation was reversed and you were hugging and holding his pregnant soon to be wife. Again, gingerly, gently. buddy buddy

She will not leave you. She will watch and see you being the protective yet gentle and kind future Father and husband she needs you to be. and from the sounds of it, your already there man.

Again, happy FAtherhood . Give your lady love and tell her how you feel. House affections on her. It is what she needs.