Confused

[mar93]

Hey guys

I've read some posts on here and it seems a really helpful place to get a different perspective and get stuff of my chest

I'm gay and me and my boyfriend of almost a year broke up 2 days ago, it came us a shock.. we'd been having the odd small arguments but nothing major. For the past 2 weeks or so however, he'd been acting fairly distant but always denied it and said he didn't know what was wrong.

I confronted him again over the phone and he said he doesn't know what was wrong but he loves me and we will not break up. About an hour later he's still off with me and he says he isn't happy anymore and suggested we take a break but then 10 minutes later after talking more he said we should just break up completely. The only reason I got was that he isn't happy anymore and the small arguments built up too much and we didn't communicate about these rows properly, he said he fought hard to stay with me but couldn't do it but this was the first proper conversation we ever really had about our relationship in the year we were together so the decision seemed a bit rash.

I hung up after he broke up with me but later in the evening and the following morning I got 9 missed calls from him, when I text him asking what they were about he just said he wanted to talk but didn't know what to say. I've been feeling really low and he's saying we should meet up next week after NC when we both have had time to think and we can 'discuss how we feel' - should I meet him? I still love him, I still care for him but I have no idea what the point of meeting is if I'm just gonna get dumped (again) or if we do get back together is there any hope for the future or will this occur again? Right now I'm not hopeful he even wants to get back together, he seems to have no idea what he wants anymore and just doesn't seem himself anymore

Any advice or comments would be really appreciated x

[basilandthyme]

Sorry you're hurting Mar.

You're absolutely right to avoid meeting up if it's just to be dumped again. I would suggest you play hardball here - tell him that you will only meet if it's to reconcile. If he doesn't want to reconcile, then he's not to contact you again. If he tries to see you but without reconciling, tell him that you need No Contact in order to heal.

You need to put your needs and heart first.

[Rowen]

I agree with Basil... But I'd like to go a step further and suggest that you also tell him (if he wants to reconcile) that you both need to give and take in this relationship. This means you need to find a compromise about how to handle your problems. It can't be all one person or no one at all. And tell him that no matter how much you love him, if he isn't willing to work with you, you can't do it.

Stand your ground and let him know how you feel in this because it kind of sounds like he wasn't giving you the chance to do that.
Either way, good luck. :S Hope it works better for you two than it did for me with my ex-boyfriends.