What do I do now?

[lionheart153]

What do I do now?
First Sorry for the long post

Hello, I wanted to share my story get some feedback because I have become completly lost and I struggle to handle my life right now.

My ex-fianc� and I dated for 3 years, I proposed to her about 6 months ago. We were best friends 3 years before that so we have known each other for 6 years now. Our relationship was great I thought. After the break up, I have been thinking a lot about our relationship, I can see that there was a few issues. The one that stand out are being more clean on my part, because she was a very clean person, spending more time together, because of the last 5 months I had been working 2 jobs and only focused on saving money for our wedding in 2015 and to get a good Down Payment on a house. We did argue sometimes mostly over dumb things, but we were the couple that never let each other go to bed angry and we would always talk it through until we moved on from the issue. In December 2013, for the holidays we went to see her family like we usually do for Christmas. This was, I thought, the best visit so far, not only did we have fun, I also got along great with her whole family. Her grandfather passed away in the fall and I was there for her, and her family grew closer to me because of it.

We got back from the trip and for the most part I think we had a great few weeks together, almost no fights until the end (I'll get to later). We found a new TV show on Netflix (which we started watching together/separately), we started to doing fun but cheap things at home like cook new meals together, we had a small NYE party at home with just us and another couple that we were good friends with. Our sex was fun, we ran out of condoms and we were having more "daring sex" and every time we had sex I always made her reach climax (I always try to or I feel like the sex isn't as great).

Near the end we got into a really stupid fight one night, she had taken my spare phones Screen protector off to put in on her phone, and when i heard her say she was doing it I ran to her telling her to stop (in a loud voice i guess) she took it as I was yelling at her and she and I got into a heated argument and she swore at me ( we said we would stop our fights before getting to that point) so I swore back, and she shut herself in her room. After an hour maybe I went back in and we talked, I cried and told her I'm sorry and she cried and said sorry, she felt bad and panicked, she also said it probably wasn't helping that she was close to her period (she can get really bad certain months) we hugged and kissed and made up. A day went by and one day I had wanted to talk to her about our first home purchase and wanted to discuss options, she never likes to just "talk" about it but rather we plan a time to do it as it is less stressful for her, so we planed to have this discussion after work on Friday. The morning of she sent me links to our wedding plans and information of the resort. She was excited and she sent me her msgs like I miss you, kiss, etc. I called her for lunch to say hi like I usually do and we talked, I some reason brought up the house discussion early, and asked how she felt about a condo as a first home purchase, she didn't like the idea and we got into a small argument. We hung up and went on with our day, I msged her later that I was sorry for bringing it up early but I was excited, she responded with a text that said "we need to talk tonight" to which i thought was about the house discussion.

I got home and she had already left work early taking a cab instead of waiting for me to get her. She told me to sit down and talk and I noticed her ring was off.. I asked if she was breaking up with me with which she looked at me and said "yes, its over" and I started to fall apart. I looked pathetic, I cried, begged her to work it out but she went into our room and locked herself in. I tried reasoning with her and she kept saying no, when I asked for a reason she said we were "incompatible". She called her cousin to pick up up and told me she was going to go stay with her for a few nights until I calm down and we can discuss our arrangements. I calmed down a bit, called my best friend in town and he headed to pick me up to talk. When her cousin came I tried to be calm and offered to carry her bags even, said goodbye and watched her leave. Few hours later, when I was out, she msged me to call her when I got home. I got home and called and we talked, we cried, she said that after all these years she didn't want to just end it and thought it might be good to give it a few days to think maybe 5 maybe less. She told me she felt she wasn't the most important person in my life but I reassured her she was. I told her how I loved her and that I know the issues I had to work on and she said "I�m so happy to hear you say that, you are going to make me cry" we agreed that a day or two apart would help calm us down. I told her I loved her, and I think, I can't remember due to emotions she told me she loved me to.

I woke up the next day feeling better, and that at least I would have a chance to work on myself and show her I can be the man she deserves. After work I messaged to just say hi and see how she was feeling. Her reply was cold, saying she was still upset, and that she thinks its best we take the full 5 days to think about things. My heart sank and I tried to ask why 5 days all of a sudden again and she never replied. I messaged her cousin later asking for any insight which I got none simply "I want what�s best for both of you".

Sunday came and I was at home being sad, and all of sudden she came home, she had thought I was working as I do usually on Sunday and she came home only to get more clothing. I tried to talk to her but she was cold again saying we aren't compatible again. Same thing as Friday basically. She even said that since her dad was coming up next weekend that I need to find a place to stay as she didn't want to cancel her plans for him because of us, red flag here because it sounded like she already made up her mind. She told me not to msg her cousin or friends as it was unfair to put them in this even though i knew them too, and warned me about my best friend as he had msged her without my knowledge to see how she was doing, she took it as some sort of sign he was trying to rebound her or something even though he just got engaged 4 months ago. She seemed just a bit crazy. She left after that. I started to talk to my friend and thought to myself that It must be frustrating for her to cab to work cuz her cousin was so far, so I offered to let her have the house and for me to stay elsewhere because I could drive.

As I msged her she msged me asking the same thing. So I did the gentleman thing and packed up a few things and left, she got dropped off after I had already left. That night she emailed me asking if I'd be interested in seeing a counsellor. I said yes of course, and she asked when would be good time. However after she sent another email saying that she would need to sleep on it actually and I asked if i should call tomorrow, she said no, she wasn't sure, she felt she may have jumped the gun, and she needs to think about and apologized for the mixed messages. I told her I thought it would be a great idea, but it was up to her, and she told me thanks but she needs to make sure she makes the right choice first and foremost.

Few days went by, I had ordered flowers on Friday night saying on the card she was the most important person in my life but she never even acknowledge she got them (her co worker told me she did), I would message her good morning and she ignored me. On Wednesday she messaged me if we could move our talk up to Thursday. I said yes, and I went to the house on my lunch break to grab a shirt for my other job. She was there, I didn't know she had the day off. She gave me my shirt not letting me walk in, and said so do you want to just get it over with now? I knew the answer already, I asked if this meant it is over. she said yes. I tried to hold back my tears, she wouldn�t look at me or come near me. I asked why, and she said she was unhappy and that we weren�t compatible. I had written a letter for things I wanted to say to her that day earlier and I asked if i could read it, she told me now and when I started she kept saying stop. I set the letter down and before I left I asked her to please do me the favour of reading it. I went back to work, we messaged each other talking about how to split things and how to get the utilities split and under each others name again. I tried to joke with her, after work I asked if i could grab a few things, and when I got back I tried to talk to her calmly and not about us as much. Tried to be civil, she thanked me told me it wasn�t easier for her either. Somewhere in that conversation I asked her about the letter, to which she did read, she said it was frustrating, I asked "because if I had worked on these things before we might not be here now?" and she said "maybe." I tried to not break down, and I left, I said good bye.

I found a place to stay luckily to rent, she wanted the house so I gave it to her, she cut me a cheque for the new bed we just got for our 3 year anni, and said she would pay me for the couch and my Damage deposit next pay cheque. She told me she was having company over that night so she was going to use my TV. Since then I have been in constant pain, thinking about her doing online research. its been hell. I avoid contacting her but only because it hurts me to talk to her. She messaged me a few times, but each time only to ask when I was going to get my stuff. She keeps pushing me asking when I will get the rest of my things, even though there is not much left now and it would not be in her way. She took all our photos down, and I noticed she kept the letter on the coffee table.

It's been hard, I�ve tried to recover. I looked deep and hard into our relationship and tried to find the issues, I am trying to work on them for myself but secretly in my mind I am doing it for her I know. I started working out, sleeping early, cut down playing games time, I'm starting to talk to a counsellor. But it�s all not helping really. I found out my friends GF has been talking to her, and he basically thinks that she�s is done, his GF saw her before she made it official. I'm hurt and all I can think about is if there is any hope left. After reading all this, what do you guys think? She is acting like a different person, and she�s cold. Is there no hope? Can anyone offer me something?

I am sorry for the long post, but I don't know what else to do, thank you for taking the time to read it.

[4 ratties]

There were times when she could of cracked and stayed with you but she held strong and didn't. Girls can be good actresses, my guess is she has been unhappy about something for awhile now but wasn't letting it out. It sounds like she is done. She has handled this break up maturely. She hasn't gotten your hopes up. Begging isn't going to work so there's nothing u can do. Get your stuff, lose contact and move on with your life. I know your hurting now but in a few months, you will feel better and start to date again.

[lionheart153]

I am trying to move on, but it hurts, I've heard from a few friends that heard her side that said its done. I don't understand how though, we were happy leading up to it, and we always talked this out, so if whatever reason this was making her unhappy, how could she just supress it. I'm trying my best to move on but it isn't easy.

Since this last post a few things have happened, its been almost 3 weeks. She keeps posting about being positive and be happy or how happy she is, even posting about waking up as a positive thing. I finally stopped and turned off her feed on FB. She was quite rude to me and told me to stop talking to her friends and that she didnt know what i hoped to gain from it. I ignored her and went NC for a week, with the exception of one day telling her I was grabbing my things. She tried calling me one weekend but I didnt answer and she msged me later that day that said she realized how hard this is for me, and that she will try to give me some clarification on what happened when I come to pick up the rest of my things, and that she owed me that much. I ignored it and got my things purposely when she wasnt home.

I guess i'll never know until I talk to her but my friends GF who has been talking to her more, told me that she was stressed about buying a house the day we had the fight, and her step dad innocently said "are you sure its the house you are stressed about?" and she had a sudden "realization" that it was all my fault and it was me. Hence she broke up with me. Of course this is what i heard from someone else and not her directly.

finally when we last talked, was when i told her i was getting my things. She asked if it was ok to call me about our cellphone switch and stuff. It doesn't make sense because I work for our cellphoen company and have told her before that all I need to do is call in to ask for a transfer and for her to go in to open a new account. Guess I found it odd she mentioned twice if it was ok for her to call me. Perhaps she wants to clarify things so she can feel less guilty?

[Valixy]

Perhaps she wants to clarify things so she can feel less guilty?

Hopefully she will give you soon an honest explanation or otherwise this would be a sign that you were about to marry someone with no class at all. She really owes you one.

[smackie9]

Yup that would be it she feels guilty. The guilt runs deeper than just the breakup. She's been questioning the relationship or her feelings for you for awhile be for the breakup. So things were not as good as you think leading up to the breakup. The responsibility of making such a commitment as to buying a house made her realize she was just kidding herself and this is not what she wants to do with her life at this time. It's best for the truth to come out rather than have it come out later after investing so much more into it.

[smackie9]

I don't think she had any intention of confusing you or bamboozling you because she is still sorting out her emotions about it as well. No one wants to dump someone that they have cared about, but there are times they can't help the way they feel falling out of love. It's tough on her too. I feel she is now ready to give you the best explanation she can.

[lionheart153]

I just wish I knew that if she was confused why doesn't she talk to me about it, talk about the issue that caused this and try to work it out? Could I have been really this blind that she was unhappy? It's not like we stopped having sex, or grew distant and stopped talking. We still hung out talked did things together and leading up we were better than ever on every scale (sex,love,spending time together) but then something snapped? There were many times since the proposal that she would tell me how much she loved me and how happy she was. Infact the day before this whole mess came crashing down... she had msged me plans for our wedding and told me she missed me.

[smackie9]

We you will find out when she talks to you....we can only guess.