Got my first number... need a little advice!

[maverick29]

First off, thanks for the advice I got in my first thread: http://www.loveforum.net/threads/86904-How-to-approach-her

Edit- I realize I babbled on quite a bit below, so I made a quick summary here if you don't want read that wall of text:
I finally asked this girl out for coffee on the last day of class. She said she had a boyfriend, yet proceeded to give me her name & number and to text her back mine. She smiled and that was about it.

I think she might be using the boyfriend tactic for leverage, that way she can pull back if she wants to. I say this because I overheard her a week ago saying something about a guy she was seeing but definitely didn't want to take things to the next level with. I also creeper-checked her facebook and found no pictures of her with any guys any time recently (6 months back) or any other indications of a boyfriend.

The fact that she actually gave me her number and said for me to text her mine indicates something, right? She could've just as easily said "sorry, I would but I have a bf" but instead she said she had a bf but also gave me her number...

I believe she's outta town this weekend. I'm thinking of texting her today to give her my number and starting a conversation over texting, since we haven't spoken besides then (I tried once in class but didn't work out due to the scenario). Then, after getting in some texting, I could ask her for coffee next week. What do you think?

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The full scoop:

Background info: There's this girl in my college class that I think's really pretty but had never talked too, also had a good feeling about her as opposed to past women (I guess I tend to rely more on feelings to gauge things most of the time), tho I've no gf experience, just two attempts before with girls over the years but no dice and some missed opportunities. Anyways, the class is a one month January class so we had class 2 1/2 hours, 4 days a week. Starting the 2nd week of class (I switched to a different chair in the class where we kinda actually noticed her), pretty much everyday she'd look back at me every minute or two, lemme remind again this a 2 1/2 hour class. She'd do that thing where girl's fix their hair when they notice a guy staring back or want em to notice (or so I believe..). We definitely locked eyes a number of times, so she had to be at the very least a bit interested..

Yesterday: That was second week of class, and it's now the 4th and last week. I didn't end up getting the courage till yesterday to try to talk to her (last day to see her was today), didn't go so well since she was sitting in front with a friend so I had to approach from behind and I think I might've mumbled or something as I only really ended up talking with her friend for a little bit regarding class stuff. It was probably mis-communication on my part since I'm not an extroverted socialite and was definitely nervous, or maybe also a combo of her being shy and my mis-communication.
She seems talkative normally. however, whether you know about or believe anything regarding spiritual matters, I had someone do some quick shamanic journey last Friday before my encounter yesterday (which has given me tons of wisdom in the past and put me down a much better path in life... so I 100% trust it as a source of info) and had them ask the spirits/power animals about helping me to ask her out. To my surprise, they said she's actually shy but they also thought she'd go out with me in a heartbeat if I asked, also that's she smart and likes to kid around and reminded me to be playful and to be yourself/funny around her, among a couple other things words of wisdom.

As for astrology if you believe in it, I'm a Pisces and she just so happens to be a Cancer, which, according to nearly every astrology article I've read, is a perfect match for each other as far as astrology/zodiac signs go. What are the chances...

Today: Unfortunately, today was now or never since I didn't get the courage earlier. I waited before class since it was my last opportunity, but she came from another direction I wasn't expecting, made it into class but shortly came out to go to the bathroom, so I caught her on her way back to class. Nervous as hell, I don't remember the conversation word for word, but I basically asked if I could talk a sec, introduced myself, and asked if she'd wanna get some coffee sometime. I don't actually remember her saying yes, but she said she has a boyfriend, but gave me her name and number and told me to text her mine. I said for sure, I will, and that was that. she kinda smiled walking back into the classroom but not directly at me, but she did give me her my number!... regardless of the fact that she has a bf.
I checked her fb (she has a unique name, wasn't hard to find tho I don't like to creep too much nor judge off fb info..). She doesn't seem to have any pics up with any guys at all (at least not in the past months since summer) and I kinda overheard something like she's seeing someone but may not be that serious with or want to be that serious with him, tho it could've been a different gu.

I believe she might be out of town this weekend as I overhead that as well (+1 for creeper eaves dropping...). What should I do next? Should I text her tomorrow, and kinda have a texting conversation? I'm not much of a texter as I prefer irl conversation, but we haven't talked before so I doubt she'd wanna grab coffee with a stranger so it seems text-talking would be the best route. What's your opinion?

[Boisdevie]

She has a boyfriend. So what exactly are you hoping to achieve here?

[searock]

Lost all interest when I reached the astrology part.

[Boisdevie]

Lost all interest when I reached the astrology part.

Yeah, but that's only because you're in all probability a Taurean and as we all know Taureans have a really short attention span, akin to that of a goldfish. Now me I'm a Capricorn and we Capricorns have a typically low bullshit threshold. Now the OP is a Pisces and as we all know from that well known book 'Astrology, Star Signs and all that other new age bullshit' your typical Piscean is a dimwit.

[maverick29]

She has a boyfriend. So what exactly are you hoping to achieve here?

Yeah, I know that. But first off, I overheard in class she that she's with a guy she's not concerned with going to the next level, they might not even be actual boyfriend & girlfriend. She might've said that just so she has the leverage. Meanwhile, she posts somewhat regularily on facebook (maybe like once every week or 2) and there aren't any pics or any indications of a boyfriend, at least not in the past 6 months.

If she was actually 100% committed to her boyfriend and is actually taking it seriously, why would she even give me her number? She could've easily said "sorry, I can't because I already have a bf." yet she gave me her number and said for me to text her back mine. I figure she'd at least be willing to grab a coffee sometime after some conversation over text.

Lost all interest when I reached the astrology part.

Yet you maintained enough interest to post a meaningless post in a thread you aren't required to take part in. Is this how all 5,480 of your posts are?

[Boisdevie]

Warning - new age bullshit alert.

[Valixy]

Make courage and text her or call her... Send her a facebook friendship request...Whatever you feel most comfortable with...Say hello, tell her you'd like to invite her for a coffee or a walk...or ask her for a book that you need and she might have, anything that could help you start a conversation...or just approach her next time you see her at school. In a short while you'll be able to see if she's also interested in getting to know you, and if she is, great, if she isn't, well, it happens, but you'll at least know where you stand and you won't be investing your feelings in a girl who doesn't have eyes for you.

I agree that Cancer and Pisces are a good basic combination, but astral charts and relationships are a bit more complex than that. www astro com is a very good website that offers lots of interesting articles and good free reports. www grupovenus com is also a good one. The insight you could get on your personal astrological combination could be very useful, precisely because the reports encourage you towards the personal work on your development.

I don't think that you should be needing a shamanic journey or any other astral experience to ask this girl out, but simply approach her and understand that just like anything else in life, things might work or not with this particular girl. Liking a girl and asking her out is a very normal thing, treat it like this, keep it simple and you might get a positive response. Girls like confidence in a guy :-)

[Rowen]

She said she had a boyfriend, yet proceeded to give me her name & number and to text her back mine.

This is all I need to know.

If she's not being faithful to this guy, what makes you think she would ever be faithful to you?
Give up on this bitch. She's just un-necessary drama.

[Rowen]

It doesn't matter if she truly has a 'boyfriend' or not. I've established and enjoyed relationships with many girls and women who were in relationships (boyfriends, husbands) at the time, and the quality of their relationship with the other male was a topic of discussion, good or bad.

Are you out of your ****ing mind? Sell crazy somewhere else; we're all stocked up here.

[AnErin]

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is meaningless.
If you are looking for the "one and only" then yeah it might matter but it is easier to date no strings attached.
Monogamy is a game that many people have played and failed at.
I know when I date, whether or not they have a partner is the least of my concerns. Try finding a truly single person when you get a bit older, it just won't happen.

Now with astrology - it is good entertainment and something to talk about yes. It is not something to really place hard faith in though. I think no matter what two signs you put in for dating, it is going to produce good news. Would you expect it to say, "Pisces and cancer just will not work"?

So now that you know you CAN get numbers and prospective dates, your confidence should notch up a level and you can go out and do it again. Try not to get discouraged about the flake-outs though, it will happen. It has nothing to do with you.
Seems to me like you now are one step further along. Good job

[maverick29]

Make courage and text her or call her... Send her a facebook friendship request...Whatever you feel most comfortable with...Say hello, tell her you'd like to invite her for a coffee or a walk...or ask her for a book that you need and she might have, anything that could help you start a conversation...or just approach her next time you see her at school. In a short while you'll be able to see if she's also interested in getting to know you, and if she is, great, if she isn't, well, it happens, but you'll at least know where you stand and you won't be investing your feelings in a girl who doesn't have eyes for you.

I agree that Cancer and Pisces are a good basic combination, but astral charts and relationships are a bit more complex than that. www astro com is a very good website that offers lots of interesting articles and good free reports. www grupovenus com is also a good one. The insight you could get on your personal astrological combination could be very useful, precisely because the reports encourage you towards the personal work on your development.

I don't think that you should be needing a shamanic journey or any other astral experience to ask this girl out, but simply approach her and understand that just like anything else in life, things might work or not with this particular girl. Liking a girl and asking her out is a very normal thing, treat it like this, keep it simple and you might get a positive response. Girls like confidence in a guy :-)

Yea I get you. I wouldn't base things alone on astrology signs, it was just interesting to find out; especially that our decans are the same (I'm a pisces with moon/cancer decan, she's a cancer with "pisces" decan). But like you said, there's much more to it than just an astrology sign. nevertheless interesting..

Maverick,

This may be a bit long, but I hope it helps you out on this important topic.

At a basic level, it sounds like she's interested, and why not? You're a nice enough guy, right? And, a coffee shop is public and safe where the two of you can start to explore the relationship.

Just stay focused the best of thoughts and intentions with her. She'll pick up on that.

It doesn't matter if she "truly" has a 'boyfriend' or not. At this point, perhaps just being a friend is all she needs or wants.

Thanks for all the astrology info, I'm checking it out right now. Whether I'm a friend or a eventually something else, I think it's worth pursuing.

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is meaningless.
If you are looking for the "one and only" then yeah it might matter but it is easier to date no strings attached.
Monogamy is a game that many people have played and failed at.
I know when I date, whether or not they have a partner is the least of my concerns. Try finding a truly single person when you get a bit older, it just won't happen.

Now with astrology - it is good entertainment and something to talk about yes. It is not something to really place hard faith in though. I think no matter what two signs you put in for dating, it is going to produce good news. Would you expect it to say, "Pisces and cancer just will not work"?

So now that you know you CAN get numbers and prospective dates, your confidence should notch up a level and you can go out and do it again. Try not to get discouraged about the flake-outs though, it will happen. It has nothing to do with you.
Seems to me like you now are one step further along. Good job

thanks! I agree. It's not like I'm on an official date with her yet... I've been texting her so that we know each other more before I ask for coffee. If we both want to go further, well she can decide with her whole bf-situation—that's her deal, whether she actually has a bf or not. I wouldn't knowingly have her cheat on someone to go out with me, but I'll prolly eventually ask if things turn into a first date (after coffee, if we make it there :p).

[Rowen]

thanks! I agree. It's not like I'm on an official date with her yet... I've been texting her so that we know each other more before I ask for coffee. If we both want to go further, well she can decide with her whole bf-situation—that's her deal, whether she actually has a bf or not. I wouldn't knowingly have her cheat on someone to go out with me, but I'll prolly eventually ask if things turn into a first date (after coffee, if we make it there :p).

^ This is why I give up on the human race, if anybody cares to know.

By asking for advice on this forum and already wanting things to go further, you're essentially making it into a date already. Thus, she's already cheating.

Paint it any color you like.
EDIT: It won't last, but if you think she'll be faithful to you when she can't be faithful to this guy, be my guest.

[maverick29]

^ This is why I give up on the human race, if anybody cares to know.

By asking for advice on this forum and already wanting things to go further, you're essentially making it into a date already. Thus, she's already cheating.

Paint it any color you like.
EDIT: It won't last, but if you think she'll be faithful to you when she can't be faithful to this guy, be my guest.

Not really, coffee's a precursor to a date. it's like testing the waters to see if a date's even worth having. it'd be one thing if I actually thought she had a bf, but as I stated earlier, a week ago I overheard her talking about a guy she's seeing but doesn't want to take to the next level. there's only two levels that I know of: girlfriend/boyfriend and husband/wife. I very much doubt it's the latter, which means that they aren't technically anything yet; hence no exclusivity leaving the door open for anyone she chooses to chat with.

nevertheless, I value your input. I came on this forum advice because I'm a newbie and yeah, I'd like things to go forward but only if they should. It's not like "she's the one", we've only texted.

[Rowen]

Not really, coffee's a precursor to a date. it's like testing the waters to see if a date's even worth having. it'd be one thing if I actually thought she had a bf, but as I stated earlier, a week ago I overheard her talking about a guy she's seeing but doesn't want to take to the next level. there's only two levels that I know of: girlfriend/boyfriend and husband/wife. I very much doubt it's the latter, which means that they aren't technically anything yet; hence no exclusivity leaving the door open for anyone she chooses to chat with.

nevertheless, I value your input. I came on this forum advice because I'm a newbie and yeah, I'd like things to go forward but only if they should. It's not like "she's the one", we've only texted.

But you have romantic intentions... Thus, it IS a date. You're not hoping she'll be the one to marry, but it IS a date... -.-

And as for your view on boyfriends and girlfriends, it's really such a ****ing shocker that none of your past experiences ever worked out. I mean, really, who wouldn't want a guy like that, ladies?

Do what you're going to do. I'll see you in six months when you get heartbroken.

[maverick29]

But you have romantic intentions... Thus, it IS a date. You're not hoping she'll be the one to marry, but it IS a date... -.-

And as for your view on boyfriends and girlfriends, it's really such a ****ing shocker that none of your past experiences ever worked out. I mean, really, who wouldn't want a guy like that, ladies?

Do what you're going to do. I'll see you in six months when you get heartbroken.

Calm down my friend, there's no need for sarcastic assholism. We're only discussing relationships here, this being a love forum.

Yes and no-it's not necessarily romantic. Though those are first intentions, we could end up as friends and I'd be chill with that; and if her bf-scenario blows over eventually, the door'll swing open another opportunity.