tells me that we can try again in the future

[buzz bee]

hi, some of you may of read my previous posts... basically its been 5 weeks since my ex decided he'd had enough of my antics... i was a horrible girlfriend, i took him for granted and was just nasty alot of the time, taking outside pressuers and stress out on him - its not a wonder he left me... he gave me chance after chance and i threw them in his face... he has told me that he hasnt been happy in the relationship for about 6 mths, that the bad times outweigh the good times, he is clinging onto all the bad memories to help let me go - and i understand there is alot of them, but there is also alot of good.

hes telling me that he doesnt think the connection between us is gone, that we are always going to be in each others lives and that he can see us back together with time - only with time he means a year or two - is he saying this to try and let me down easy? part of me still thinks he loves me (maybe wishful thinking) and he tells me that hes depressed and this hurts him as much as it hurts me yet he is still doing it. i cant wait for years for this man, yet i love him with all my heart. I can see what ive done wrong in the relationship and want to make amends... he has told me that we fit - like 2 pieces of a jigsaw puzle, that we fit perfectly except that we are both in different places right now - im starting my career and he is still his happy go lucky, see where the wind takes me self

do guys just say this to let a girl down easily or do they really mean it when they say a connection is still there? he is still telling me he doesnt love me anymore, but that there is still feeling there, its just clouded by anger.... if he didnt love me anymore would he still be talking to me and aggreeing to meet for coffee ect?

am i just hanging on to someone who has already let go of me? i know that with time he is going to feel less and less for me, the pain isnt as sharp for me anymore and i still love him.... what should i be doing? i do love this man... i just dont deserve him.... and im worried he has realised that. the longer the breakup goes on the less likely i believe we will try again.

[spartacus]

hi,

I sympathise with you completely. Im in a similar situation (see topic "too many chances") and Im desperate for another chance to put things right. Unfortunately I too am worried that she'll become distant and that perhaps its too late for me, but it sounds like if you were to just back off, and give yourself some space too, then he'll come back. If he doesnt then you will have freed yourself some of the feelings you have now and perhaps you will be able to move on too.

[buzz bee]

ive just responded in your topic.... i know that time and space is the answer, but im afraid that he will move on and find someone else if i give him space - isnt it strange that we can give the same advice to each other yet not accept it in our own situation?

i dont want to lose this guy and yet hes told me that i have - its the mixed signals that confuse me... the not wanting to go to coffee and see me and then reminding me when he sees me that we are doing these things - i offered to meet for coffee this weekend to see if we can be friends, talk about anything but the breakup... but my ulterior motive is hoping that he will once again see the girl he fell in love with and want me back (stupid i know, and im only going to get hurt) - i dont know if i can be 'normal' to him yet - im still really hurt.

i know ive already had an amazing time with him - we lasted two years and lived with each other for a year, my guy is a complete committment phobe and previously has only had short term relationships that have not lasted past 6mths - so he really did put in effort for a while - but i took him for granted. I am amazed that we had the time together that we did, its just im not ready to move on and i think in a way he is scared that hes been 'tied down' so long.... i dont know what to do, i know him so well, we where best friends for 4 years before hand.... and that doesnt help me keep a clear head

[spartacus]

You dont have to talk to me about mixed signals. I was convinced, that we would pull through. Her initial reaction when she spoke to me was one of sincere "just give me a bit of space and we'll talk" but I pushed it and pushed it, and now I fear she really hates me.

I guess what we all want at this time is a magic way of just reversing the trouble we've caused. I dont know if you are like me, but I tend to first harras them and make things worse, and then go and calm down. but then I'll ring them again to apologise because I realise Ive made it worse by ringing them in the first place! Its crazy!

I sent you a PM too.

[buzz bee]

yup!! thats what he said, i couldnt help but call him and he would tell me that i was making it worse - he said ' your making this worse by calling and i know you can see that and when you hang up the phone im sure you regret calling' and i do!! but i cant help it!!! its like i cant live my life without him - ive gotten better and im not calling him anymore but it hurts every day.... i had huge trust issues in the relationship because i didnt beleive that i was good enough for him and that one day he would realise that and leave me - so he never felt trusted (big mistake) even tho i actually trusted him with my life...

i kept him at arms lenght because of my own insecurities.... they say you dont realise what you've got til its gone - and now im realising what i had... i dont know what to do to get him back but being his friend isnt going to work either cos eventually he is going to move on to someone else and its going to kill me

[spartacus]

Maybe you shouldnt think like that. Do you have plenty of things to occupy your time? Plenty of friends etc? When do you think about him? is it at a certain time? or place? or like me all the time!!

[buzz bee]

all the time - he was my life for 2 years... we did everything together and would either see each other or talk every day... it seriously feels as if a part of me is missing - and i know that time will heal if it has to but at the moment i still believe he was the one i was supposed to be with - for the first time everything clicked and it felt right

[spartacus]

all the time - he was my life for 2 years... we did everything together and would either see each other or talk every day... it seriously feels as if a part of me is missing - and i know that time will heal if it has to but at the moment i still believe he was the one i was supposed to be with - for the first time everything clicked and it felt right

My god. Its almost like Im talking to myself!

What do other people say to you? do they think he will come back?

[ghenzmitz]

don't try so hard...it will really suck your life...

[buzz bee]

they used to think that he would calm down with time, but its been 5 weeks now and everyone isnt quite as positive anymore,... starting to tell me to move on... and i dont know what to do, it hasnt been great for a while i know that but i also know it could be better

[buzz bee]

anyone???? does the fact that he can still feel a connection between us mean anything? does he just need more time? ppl have told me he is prolly using the time to get over me, to force himself not to feel for me anymore..... that he still loves me but is trying not too.....

i dont know if time is going to make this better, if it was wouldnt it of by now??

[spartacus]

I feel the same Buzz. Its been 5 weeks for me now and I've really made things worse. if Id just left it then maybe it would have worked out, but by harrasin her Ive made things worse.

[buzz bee]

he told me the other day had i just left him alone for a while that things would prolly be different, we would prolly be back together by now... i dont want to live my life without this man by my side... and i dont think i can do the friends thing, he still means too much to me and can hurt me so easily....

[spartacus]

I think in your case you would benefit from leaving him alone. Dont call him etc. do something else. I know how hard that is, believe me i do, but the point of making no contact is after a few weeks, you will feel easier about it. You will feel more secure in yourself, and perhaps not even feel the same way about the relationship....

but then if you do, maybe in a few weeks you could try calling him, but just call him to talk about something else.

The trouble is when we feel how we do at the moment, we read into things, and we look for signs that it might work out, and when we see a sign like that, we cling on to it, but in reality maybe its just not there.

[buzz bee]

i know, i just dont know how im going to manage to not contact him.... i dont think i can... ive thought about going overseas for a few months to give us both space but then ive still got to come home to the same issues and he will prolly ahve someone new by then and it will still hurt.... i dont want to lose him i really dont and for some silly reason although he is telling me i have i dont believe i have, i still think i have a chance at getting him back if i can stop being this clingy person and show him ME again... i dont beleive him when he tells me he doesnt love me anymore - im just setting myself up to get really badly hurt