My boyfriend can't get over my past and he's considering breaking up Please, I need h

[squidneeyz]

Please, I need help with this. In the beginning of my relationship I made the treacherous mistake of telling my boyfriend about me giving oral to another guy, as I took it not very seriously and told him lots of details, it really got to him.

It's been four months now and he still thinks about it. It gets to him and the cycle will never stop. He tried to do research and such but it just hasn't helped. Today he told me there's a chance it could go away with no other choice, but to break up with me. it is an almost OCD sort of problem. I would say it might be retroactive jealousy, though he doesn't feel jealous. The thoughts can't go away, and like I said, he has tried. Now he's just starting to think he'll stop thinking these things by leaving me, which he has said over and over he knows he will just want to be back with me so I don't really know.

We love each other. We do. I've lost my virginity to him and he has literally changed my world for the better. He feels the same, and he also lost his virginity to me. His sexual experience with other girls has happened, but not in recent years and he has not experienced oral until he was with me.

I don't want this to end on a note like this. We both still have strong, strong feelings for each other and we will only break up so he may have a chance to remove those thoughts in his head. But it'll really wreck me. I probably sound all emotional, but I love this guy. I want him to get better, but does it really have to end in order for him to stop the thought process? He seems he can't take it no more. I'm not giving up. I'm going to give him the best of my advice from you guys and deeper research. I just hope he makes the effort and not be impatient.

[basilandthyme]

My best advice is to use a bit of tough love on him. I suspect that when he's telling you this stuff, you're being all loving and reassuring. Am I right? If so, you'll be rewarding his behaviour. And if his behaviour gives him positive outcomes, he'll keep it up.

In your shoes, I'd apologise for having told him what you did. And then I'd tell him that he's either got to let the subject drop or end things. I know you don't want to break up, but do you really want another four months of his neurosis? It's time to start protecting yourself.

[squidneeyz]

I do agree, and usually I would be more harsh minded on it, but it isn't necessarily something he can control. I know he's been working on moving on, but it hasn't been going away for him. I developed a pretty good bond with him outside this and the thing is if we break up we'll still have those feelings since we're just letting it off on something like this. I don't want to go through this forever, but I also want to have a chance of this working out. Because well, he is a great guy and I love him.

[HeartIsAching]

My best advice is to use a bit of tough love on him. I suspect that when he's telling you this stuff, you're being all loving and reassuring. Am I right? If so, you'll be rewarding his behaviour. And if his behaviour gives him positive outcomes, he'll keep it up.

In your shoes, I'd apologise for having told him what you did. And then I'd tell him that he's either got to let the subject drop or end things. I know you don't want to break up, but do you really want another four months of his neurosis? It's time to start protecting yourself.

Yep.

Your BF needs to grow the **** up... and you need to tell him that.

[Wakeup]

Your boyfriend's ego is bigger then the two of you.

Sadly more woman then not don't hold men accountable like so many men tend to do to women) Tell him you saved your virginity for him and thank him very much for taking it only to threaten to leave you for something that happened when you didn't even know him.

You can do better than to stay with a man that is willing to torment someone he is suppose to love because his own ego controls him. Don't continue to allow him to self-sabotage because of his own ego. He stops this now or YOU leave him.

I don't know either of you but I think you can do better then a petulant man that can't get past his own thought process that is obviously detrimental to his own happiness. Ask him does he think he's not a hypocrit to expect a virgin (if you two break up) now that he's not one himself?

[smackie9]

This is what happens when you fall in love.....the mere thought of you being with someone else can get them tied in knots. Some can handle it better than others. Tough love is needed in order to get repect. Don't let him "threaten" you with a breakup because of his own insecurities. Shut him down and if you have to, excuse yourself and tell him to give you a call when he can treat this relationship and you with respect. It will give him time to think real hard that he is messing things up and needs to get the f uck over it. I think in time he will, you just don't let him pound you down emotionally.

[lovewalks]

I've dated a guy like this before. He's got a big ego and wants to be your first for everything. The guy who took my virginity was really upset when he found out a guy had felt me up before him. Men who take a girls virginity are usually, not always, egotistical. I date a guy who had taken two virginities. He said he regrets the fact that he took advantage of that and molded those girls into what he wanted them to be. If it's only been four months, I wouldn't call this love. You very much like each other. But if he can't get over the fact that he's not your first oral experience, then I don't think he's worth it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell him if he brings it up again, you're dumping him, and follow through.

Your boyfriend is a bitch. Do you really want to put up with such a sissy indefinitely? Maybe it would be best to just leave this pansy, and find a guy with some balls.

[HDBadger]

If he doesn't like your past, that's up to him. He's free to think whatever he wants about you.

You, in turn, are free to act accordingly. I doubt he'll ever get over it. Guys like him tend not to.

What you have no business doing is telling him how to feel. But you should break up with him if he can't get over it on his own.

[Sarah_S]

You need to be strong and not show him that you will be devastated if he leave you. Guys don't like that. Show him that you did it, you are (maybe) not so proud of it but you moved on and now your are with him. He needs to decide what is more important for him. Your past or YOU.

[AnErin]

A stupid blow job requires research?
Why is he so worried about it? Does he lose sleep over it?
He needs to realize that adults mess around quite a bit. Pretty much none of us are anyone's first for common acts.

[smackie9]

My husband was a little bit owly about my past (I'm 6 years older anyways).....I pretty much told him to shut it, or he can go......he obviously shut it.