How can I make a girl break up with her fiancee and be with me instead?

[Wakeup]

Actually...

I'm gonna have to disagree with you here. Sometimes it works out.

I'm happily married to my best friend because it worked out for us.

Eventually.

That's not what this thread or my comment is about though. You didn't carry on with her when she didn't want you. If you did, then I can't help but think how it caused some emotional disconnect in your other romantic relationships. It goes back to where I said that more times then not, your future (or current for that matter) relationship partner won't take kindly to you hanging with someone you once/currently still do/or would take if she'd have you.

Glad you've found happiness, of course.

[HeartIsAching]

No... no disconnect in our other romantic relationships.

Hell, I hadn't talked to her for three+ years before she called me. Before that sporadically (and wistfully). It'd been 8 years since I'd laid eyes on her, and I honestly thought I'd never see her again. I didn't really know why I was so dead inside.

But all of that is irrelevant. You can't make somebody love you, and you can't make someone who loves you leave one they don't love. Sometimes life sucks... and sometimes the universe corrects these mistakes.

[Wakeup]

Not talking or seeing one another for three years isn't the kind of friendship I'm talking about. What you and she had was a friendly knowledge of one another where you didn't actually close any doors. That's not like hanging out, talking everyday, going on one-on-one date like activities that keep you mired in your crushing.

and you can't make someone who loves you leave one they don't love.

No, but you can certainly become emotionally involved with that other person to the point that the emotional connection you had with the one you love, still love and would never leave has a huge wedge hammered in between the two of you. Emotional affairs happen in the best relationships if the people in that relationship don't have personal and relationship boundaries to speak of. We read it here every day and "love" or lack thereof hasn't much to do with how emotional affairs start up. People are very capable of loving more then one person at any given time. Best not to fertilize that notion in the first place in my NSHO.

[jl151080]

there is this tutor I work with in the tutoring lab in college. I worked with her for about two years. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. She is about 27 and I am 22 and she is engaged, One thing I noticed about her is that she was very touchy feely. , like patting me on the back or shoulder.


My class ended a few months ago but I saw her around campus when I was going to meet up with a friend recently and chatted with her
now I find myself going out of my way to that location just so I can hopefully see her and talk to her again. Last week I went and sat there for about half an hour (I had nothing else to do though so I wasn't skipping anything) I just get this extremely good feeling when talking to her or seeing her.

I recently ran into this girl again before Christmas break started. She was in the math lab, I went in and started chatting to her and she seemed happy to see me and happy to chat. I get this extremely good feeling whenever I see her or talk to her. I can't explain it. I think she clearly likes me too.


I can't stand the thought of not being with her I think she is the girl for me. Can someone tell me how I can make her break up with her fiancee and be with me instead? I heard of times where people were successfully able to do this and it is OK

As others have said, you can't make her do anything. The only thing you can do is make your feelings known, but it's her choice what she does from there.

I work with someone who is engaged, who I have completely fallen for, so I understand your situation. Just be happy that she is happy, and try and focus on yourself.

[TheEvilJester]

My thoughts on that: Even if you are "okay with it." Then chances are more likely then not that any new partner coming into the picture will not take kindly to you having someone still in your life that you want or wanted to be more with. We've read it here one million times. Why complicate your life by being some chicks MALE-girlfriend?

I suppose I see what you mean. To me, though, it still kind of comes down to what I said before.... exactly how "smitten" are you by this person? In other words, if you decide to remain just friends, are you really just fooling yourself and you are really just hoping they will some day become available? I for one, have had crushes only to later find out they already had somebody. I've been able, before, to remain friends without just secretly hoping I could wait around long enough for their relationship to end. I've moved on, had crushes on other women, etc. To me, if/when I have a girlfriend/fiance/wife, she is the only woman who matters to me as more than a friend. I may have other female friends, but they are just that... friends.

I will agree with you, though, that it isn't typically a good idea to remain friends in a case like this. Especially in this case, since it definitely seems that the OP is crushing too hard to be able to legitamtely see just being friends.

[extremis]

Some thing that some people seem to mis represent. I am not a stranger to this girl! I've worked with her for about two years. I have her email and is friends with her on Facebook.

[Wakeup]

So, what's your point? That changes nothing.