Lost & confused, need ur help guys!

[Confused_steve]

I am so confused by an incident that has taken place in my life that it has really affected my ability to ascertain if I am being fair in my decision.

My gf & I have been in a relationship for nearly 5yrs. Like any normal relationship we have had our fair share of ups & downs, but overall we have been happy & felt blessed to have found eachother.

Two nights ago however, something happened and that has wrecked my sanity. My best friend of 7yrs and his wife have always been close to us, we got along well, enjoyed most holidays together and have been constantly present in eachother's lives. Two nights ago though, we were all out drinking & partying over the weekend. As the night progressed all of us admittedly got drunk in varying degrees. We ended up back at their place eventually for more drinks and the night continued.

It was getting very late, I was really tired and as we had work in the morning, I asked my gf about going home now. But she wanted to stay longer, I figured after asking a few more times that she is insistent on staying, so I decided to go home myself and told her I would see her in the morning.

Next morning, around 7am she gets back home. After waking up I ask her how she is feeling and she tells me "Yeh, was a great night, we all had a threesome!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing and thought she maybe trying to mess with my head. However, turns out it was true and she did what she said. These were the 3 closest people in my life and I'm hurt that not one of them spared even a single second to think how their actions would have impacted me.

They have all confessed to me about the regret, pain and embarrasment their actions have caused but I can't come to terms with overlooking this whole incident. I have called it off with my gf and have decided to move out and not stay in touch with any of them anymore.

I don't know if what I have decided is too harsh, but I feel terribly betrayed by all of them. I want to know how anyone sensible & reasonable in my place would have handled this situation.

Please dig deep & be honest with your comments, also please refrain from any name calling or abuse as I still care and love each and every one of them.

Just need your honest comments on how you would tackle this. Thanks..

[smackie9]

You would have reacted the same way if the couple were strangers, so why would it be any different just because you were close to them. I find it quite a heartless and selfish act by all of them. This was done behind your back that's wrong, it was cheating and you made the right decision.

To add, I hope they realize how crucial "consent" is, with this sort of activity.

[Confused_steve]

Thanks for taking the time & sharing your thoughts smackie, if they were complete strangers I would'nt have second thoughts on forgiving them, they would be out of my life cos they mean nothing to me. However, the fact that these were 3 people that were really close to me, makes me question everything! Makes me question my self worth, was I not important enough to even one of them to do right by me. Therein, I wonder is the problem with me then, if that is so then do i forgive them?

This whole thing has completely f***ed my head...

You would have reacted the same way if the couple were strangers, so why would it be any different just because you were close to them. I find it quite a heartless and selfish act by all of them. This was done behind your back that's wrong, it was cheating and you made the right decision.

To add, I hope they realize how crucial "consent" is, with this sort of activity.

[smackie9]

You shouldn't question your self worth, but their integrity as friends. You need to look at them as individuals that made a selfish choice. This has nothing to do with you.

[TulipRose]

Alcohol causes soooo many problems.
They should have known better than to do what they did. I don't think they have quite realised the impact their actions have had.
You need some time to come to terms with it all and you have every right to feel angry.

It's totally your decision if you want to contact them or see them again. It wouldn't surprise me if one of them tries to contact you soon though.

[Confused_steve]

Thanks TulipRose for the kind words and taking the time to reply. Can I please ask you, if you were in this situation what would you do?

Would you still stay with your partner?

Would you stay friends with the couple?

How would you feel meeting up each other in future, with this incident over bearing in your mind, knowing that they have all shared something very intimate & personal? I personally am finding it really hard to envision a time where we could all sit together and even have a normal chat, because its awkward, I feel they completely disregarded my friendship to them during the incident.

I dont know if I am over-reacting because it is all too fresh in my mind, or if I should put this behind and maintain the relationship with my partner & friends.

Alcohol causes soooo many problems.
They should have known better than to do what they did. I don't think they have quite realised the impact their actions have had.
You need some time to come to terms with it all and you have every right to feel angry.

It's totally your decision if you want to contact them or see them again. It wouldn't surprise me if one of them tries to contact you soon though.

[smackie9]

Tulip already told you that it is up to you whether you want to keep in contact with these people.

[smackie9]

I think you are rushing this.....you will not find answers so quickly, you need time to get over the shock and start to heal. Once some time has past and your head is more clearer, you will be able to work through this better with a little less hurt.

[basilandthyme]

Steve, I agree that you're rushing this. If you're not ready to make a decision, ask for a break from everyone and make your decision when you're ready.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Steve, you sound like a bitch, so maybe you should just stay with her, since you don't deserve any better.

[Confused_steve]

Sigh, seriously dude? Looking briefly at your other posts its pretty evident you've got daddy issues, ex wife problems and an empty future! So grow up before its too late & stop trolling others' posts.

What you say wont affect me cos I know your types, but be careful with what you say when people are sensitive or hurting, cos even the smallest thing may push them over the edge...

Steve, you sound like a bitch, so maybe you should just stay with her, since you don't deserve any better.

[Confused_steve]

Thanks Smackie & BasilandThyme, you are both right, i have been chasing answers cos i needed to just put it all to rest in my head. I have asked for time off from them and realise i need to figure it out first..

Appreciate your thoughts guys!

Steve, I agree that you're rushing this. If you're not ready to make a decision, ask for a break from everyone and make your decision when you're ready.

[TulipRose]

I know the feeling of wanting answers straight away, but sometimes you don't always get them :-/

It's really hard to say what I would do in that situation. I suppose I'm one of those people who would want everything to work out and everyone to live happily ever after.

I suppose the big question is could you forgive your partner or the other couple?
And if so, could you learn to trust any of them again?

Those things don't happen over night and take time, which sucks because we want the answer and the solution straight away, but time is a great healer.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sigh, seriously dude? Looking briefly at your other posts its pretty evident you've got daddy issues, ex wife problems and an empty future! So grow up before its too late & stop trolling others' posts.

What you say wont affect me cos I know your types, but be careful with what you say when people are sensitive or hurting, cos even the smallest thing may push them over the edge...

This made me laugh.

Personally, I hope to push you over the edge, since your girl ****ing your friends didn't.

[Confused_steve]

True Tulip, patience is required in such situations, unfortunately when we are upset, we tend to get carried away with the reactions and nothing else of logic.. Thanks again for ur time & wisdom