I have no idea what to do.

[grrawritsjordi]

I know this is very long. I do apologize.

My boyfriend of 7 months (Doug) broke up with me on Thursday. I am 24 and he is 25. I have known him for over 6 years and he has wanted to be with me the whole time. He "chased" me in a way. (His words, not mine) I dated other people and he dated around but only had one serious girlfriend. I was in a relationship for four years and moved from Indiana to California with that person, but moved back home because of Doug.

We had a great relationship. We were so in love. We fought, of course, but not to the point of breaking up and we got along so well. We were so compatible that it was crazy. We spent every weekend together since June. We hardly talked during the week, usually only texting because we both have full time jobs and he gets busy when he goes home after work because he makes dinner and plays video games. It used to bother me that he wouldn't talk to me when I called after I got off work, we even argued about it, but I ended up choosing my battles and letting him do what he wanted to do (Play video games).

It started on Wednesday, we were texting. (We live in two different cities (an hour away) and only see each other on the weekends when he comes up and we stay at his parents in my city. He grew up here.) I had been on a diet for a few days and was still trying to get used to it and I knew I was about to start my period, so my hormones were going crazy.

I brought up marriage and how I wanted to get married by 30, knowing that he doesn't want to get married and I don't care about getting married, but all I felt like doing was arguing with him. He wants to go to grad school and get his Ph.D. I knew that and yet I still wanted to fight with him. I kept going and he ended up getting frustrated and annoyed with me. He ended up shutting off his phone and when he turned it back on, I had sent him a message that said if he wanted it to be over, it could be.

I tried to call him and text him to apologize, but he wasn't having it. He ignored my calls and texts and would only tell me to leave him alone. I finally left him alone around 9pm and went to sleep (it was very difficult). I woke up and texted him the next morning and asked when we could talk, he is a chemist and I know he didn't want to deal with it during the day, and he said we could talk after he got off work. I only texted him 3-4 times throughout the day. He never responded. He gets off work at four and I get off work at six, so around 2:30-3:00 I started getting sick and asked him if I could come down to see him so we could talk in person. He said "No". I had to leave work, I was so sick. I took a shower and waited until after 4:30 to contact him. I asked him if we could talk and he texted back "Driving" so I asked if I could call and he said "okay".

When I called, he basically told me that he didn't think we should be together anymore and that what we were wanting were two different things and that I was "awful" to him. I begged and pleaded for him to talk to me and change his mind and he said no. He said he had to stand his ground and he had to do this. I was devastated because 20 mins before the fight he was telling me how much he loved me and he loved me more than I loved him.

I am really good friends with his sister and was able to speak with her. She said he came up to stay with his parents, like he did when we were together, and he was acting very sad and upset. As much as it hurt, I didn't contact him Friday or Saturday, due to my dad's advice, I called him on Sunday. He answered, which I did not expect, and I apologized and told him I was sorry and I didn't want him to feel pressured by me, but I just wanted him to know that I didn't want to be the same person I was before. He was crying, but he kept on saying he couldn't put himself through it emotionally and he kept on saying he couldn't stay on the phone. After a few minutes, he finally said he couldn't listen anymore and after 5 seconds of silence, he hung up. I sent him a long text telling him how sorry I was and how much I loved him and how amazing he is. (he is a very amazing person, he would open the car door for me no matter what the weather, I could tell he loved me. He treated me so well, with the exception of silly things) He didn't answer. I sent him another text asking if we could talk in person and he didn't answer again, so I left him alone.

I ended up going and hanging out with his sister, and he hadn't really talked to her much, but we were able to try and talk about things. My dad made an observation that Doug was used to being alone and maybe he couldn't handle the emotions and to give him time and try to contact him this Friday (Jan 24th). I spoke with his mom and she said the only thing he told her was that I was controlling and insecure. (maybe the marriage convo?)

Basically, I know he loves me, I know there isn't another person but he has a hard time talking about things. It is just easier for him to give up. I know that I won't feel this loss forever, but I don't see any reason why we cannot reconcile the relationship. I have done nothing but love him and he has done the same to me. It was just a stupid fight. I want to help him understand that I don't care about marriage. That he is what I want. I don't that validation.

What should I do? Should I give up? Should I let him have time? I can't eat or sleep or think. I have an appointment with a therapist today to try and work on myself so I can be a better person. I am doing this for me because whether he comes back, or I find someone new in the future, I need to work on things for myself.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Leave him alone. You flipped out on him about marriage. That's hard to come back from. He is right, you want different things.

[grrawritsjordi]

But I didn't mean it. I told him that a million times. We have talked about marriage and he knows I don't care. He even said, "I thought you didn't want to get married."

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You can say you didn't mean it until you're blue in the face. After reading your story, he'd be an idiot to believe that. I certainly don't believe you.

Anyway, he probably thinks this argument is going to keep coming up, and is cutting his losses. It's smart really. You said you need to work on things for yourself, so do that. Move on.