Live in ex boyfriend doesn't seem to care that we broke up

[4 ratties]

This is one of the biggest reasons women screw up relationships with their men. They try to change them.

Totally disagree.

I think he has an attitude about it and is trying to cover it. A lot of guys are like this, not all but a lot and they have egos. I only speak from experience and there has been times when I have ended relationships or flings and they act like they dont care but deep down they do. Hell, I have acted like I didnt care. His behavior is so silly. Its so obvious to me that he is doing this to get under your skin. Saying he can get another girl anytime...lol total red flag. Whats the point of that comment besides to hurt you or piss you off? You was with him for a while, so he is hurting just like you but in a different way. Acting like a person is having the time of their life is a dead give away.

Anyway, heres how you fix that. I am not suggesting you play games because we are all adults. However, start mirroring the treatment and this will show him that you are just fine without him and not only that honeybee, but this will help you to get over the break up also. Do you have friends? Activities or other interests? Start doing those. Hang out with friends. Continue with your life. Go out for a night in town, while hes sitting on his ass playing video games. Try to be as active as possible during this time left. Act like hes a straight up roommate at this point. Nothing in between. Walk around ass naked just like hes non existent. Put a little extra into your look if you go out. Seriously, Ratties. I can assure you that he'll lose that snide grin afterwhile..IF he ever gave a damn about you. Nobody truly in love gets over a break up that fast. I dont care what anybody says. As I said, this is not a game but it is you moving on also, showing him and most importantly for yourself.

I think you nailed it on the head because he just asked me to get back with him.. I guess it was an act. He could easily move on and doesn't need me so he must be genuine. I haven't made up my mind whether to try again or not . We both really pulled awayfrom eachother these last two months. I've got a lot of thinking to do

[Starnique]

So what's going on Ratties? What's the status of your situation?

[Starnique]

Okay, I just seen your other post. Yes, I've been there and I knew it was an act. Think about it real good and weigh out your situation. Do what's best for you. If you love him, its worth giving it another shot if its in your heart. Life sometimes get in the way and relationships take work and shit happens. You both pulled away so u both have things to work on, but if you just don't see Change happening and he's not giving u any act right, move on.

[4 ratties]

Starnique, you always like to point out the three sides to every story. We don't have anything from his side, but she is the one initiating the texting and meetup with him, and has clearly been pushing him for a reaction. All we have is a half sentence quote with zero context attached to it..we have no idea what she said to prompt him to say that.

She's saying she isn't doing this for attention, yet that's the only thing she wants. She said she already broke up briefly a couple months ago with him, only to go back to him. She said she doesn't want to get back with him, but she wants him to beg her to. She is already playing games. She's an attention whore, and he's treating her how they deserve to be treated, instead of acting like the groveling saps we see on here.

I'm not an attention whore or playing games . I'm a young girl with feelings and this was my first real relationship. Even thought I initiated breakup it was still a very painful thing to do and I didn't expect to care about his reaction. I was just shocked at him talking about his next gf already and just totally not even wanting to talk about things just once, for some closure.

[4 ratties]

Okay, I just seen your other post. Yes, I've been there and I knew it was an act. Think about it real good and weigh out your situation. Do what's best for you. If you love him, its worth giving it another shot but if you just don't see Change happening, move on.

Thanks for the support and advice! I knew he wouldn't cry or act devastated , I know him too well for that. But I was just shocked at how he was already talking about another girl and just so cocky and rude about it. I've been respectful this whole breakup for the record. I try to handle things with class lol.
Regardless of if we try again, I'm happy to know now that the breakup had even a small impact on him. Idk why some guys on here are wigging out on me, I think it's totally normal to be a little upset that your boyfriend/girlfriend acted like you were nothing to them for a couple days. It hurts your self esteem.
There's no games here, just a young girl with feelings

[4 ratties]

Sorry that you're in this situation Ratties.

It's possible the relationship was causing strain on him and he's relieved that it's over. Sometimes the end of a relationship can be met with relief rather than grief. It's a sign that the relationship was well past it's use-by date and did need to be ended. Of course, this doesn't mean that he didn't ever care - I'm sure he did love you. But it sounds like his love may have died down.

You asked the question "All he needed was to change a little.so do I just assume he never really cared about me?". This stance can easily be countered with "she didn't accept me for who I was. I'm better off finding a woman who loves me for the man I am and doesn't need me to change".

See if you can negotiate a way to get yourself out of the apartment earlier.

I think he was relieved that I ended it. He's the type of person to take back cheating exes and be off and on, and put up with crap. But I'm not like that. When me or the other person is unhappy I try to talk and find a solution but he will always keep everything bottled inside and then just blow up on me one day when he never even told me anything was wrong. He's very bad at communicating. Whoever said he's got great self esteem on here, doesn't know him, because he has the worse self esteem of anyone I've ever met. He has asked for me to get back with him tonight. Just like a light switch. He went from acting like it's no problem and he's happier now , to "I'm acting like this cuz I wanna be with you" it totally came out of nowhere. He was probably relieved I ended this horrible 2 months we've had recently. I just don't know what to do. Hes so moody. I know things will probably be okay for awhile but then his lack of communication and melancholy attitude will come back and I'll get not enough attention and affection. On the other hand I feel like just trying to change myself and accept his personality and see if I can live with it. Lots of thinking to do. I've been alone my whole life with dysfunctional parents and living in a car. Breaking up with my first serious boyfriend and moving away and out of my first place is a lot harder to bare for me then people could realize.

[basilandthyme]

I can understand how hard it would be for you to break up and move on. But you seem to be a strong person - perhaps you've got strength you didn't know you had?

[4 ratties]

So what's going on Ratties? What's the status of your situation?

Yeah I was staying busy too. In another post u were asking me if I had hobbies and friends and stuff . Oh yeah I've actually been enjoying myself the last couple months keeping myself busy. I gave up on trying which I regret. The problem we have is he's very strange he will get in moods where he won't look at me, doesn't wants to have sex, gives me no attention for a couple days then goes back to normal and it's a never ending cycle. All I ask that he change is to have a better attitude I don't think that's a lot to ask for. This is the hardest guy to read. He never communicates anything. Everytime I approach him after a problem he says "I feel like a weights been lifted off me" but he won't step up and communicate with me unless I iniate and I just gave up in about October and then November and December I just did my own thing. Slept when he was home and was hanging with friends or at work. Me and him have a loooong talk to have. Damage has been done to me but I still feel like I want to try one more thing before I give up on this.

[toknow]

Some women think they have all the time in the world, when in reality it's a moment.

Yes, it might be easy now to dump everything that you don't like, but this is an illusion which doesn't last.

There is no room for arrogance in love. It will break you and put you on your knees. Don't play games with love.

[4 ratties]

I can understand how hard it would be for you to break up and move on. But you seem to be a strong person - perhaps you've got strength you didn't know you had?

Having stability is somethin i get emotional and weak about. I've lived in over 10 cities, 4 states and felt alone the whole time even tho I had family. So it's heartbreaking to end everything and move yet again. Trust me I'm not staying to use him or anything. I'm really trying to give it my all so if I do have to move and I'm upset about it; ill know it's what I have to do. I am a very emotional, sensitive person. Other peoples actions really affect my mood and I've been trying to train myself to affect my own mood. I know it seems like if I have to change a lot to make this relationship work for me, that this relationship should end , because u shouldn't need to change yourself so much. But I think these changes could be rewarding to me. I think in dealing with him I could learn to take things with a grain of salt and always have my own life going so I don't need him to meet a bunch of my needs, because he doesn't. I'm just so confused. On one hand this doesn't seem like the guy I will marry but it also seems wrong to just end things forever.

[4 ratties]

Some women think they have all the time in the world, when in reality it's a moment.

Yes, it might be easy now to dump everything that you don't like, but this is an illusion which doesn't last.

There is no room for arrogance in love. It will break you and put you on your knees. Don't play games with love.

I'm sorry I guess I'm slow because I don't get your post. Are u saying I'm being arrogant and playing games and I should accept things how they are because I only have a moment?

[toknow]

I'm saying people break up too easy, not realizing they have to try, as if they have all the time in the world.

It's like making pottery and in the middle something doesn't come out quite, and you just destroy it instead of gently and carefully fixing the little imperfection. Love is all that it takes.

[4 ratties]

I'm saying people break up too easy, not realizing they have to try, as if they have all the time in the world.

I'm doing a lot of thinking and soul searching on what to do. I'm trying to make the best decision. Not with just my mind or heart, but with both. The lease is up in 2 months so I have 2 months to think about it. Yes you shouldn't break up easily but it's been rocky for about 3 months and we have no children together. Why waste eachothers time? I just need more time to figure out if ill be able to change myself in order for this to work. I want to be calm and unaffected when he's moody and not giving me any attention. I want to balance being independent but giving a lot to the relationship at the same time. I need to work on my self esteem and lose more weight. I'm sure that will help everything too. I feel like I'm coming out of a depression hole and either way I'm motivated to make changes for the better. We'll see how it turns out.

[toknow]

He should pay attention to you. But is it only when you want him to

Because if you are one of those people who wants their space and attention too he might be confused as to what exactly you want.

[4 ratties]

It's like making pottery and in the middle something doesn't come out quite, and you just destroy it instead of gently and carefully fixing the little imperfection. Love is all that it takes.

Don't u think me posting for Advice and putting all this thought into everything means I am trying to fix things despite being extremely miserable sometimes in this relationship? I don't give up easily but thank you for the concern and trying to help me understand that. But I do.