Never been in an actual relationship; would like to know where I stand

[John Galt]

Context: I'm not much of the social "type." Before I started college, I barely had any friends at all, nor did I feel the need for friends. Needless to say, therefore, that I have no experience whatsoever with romantic love. However, I've recently become increasingly interested in finding a partner. I guess I have a few considerable virtue, but I'm not sure if they are considered desirable for a relationship. Hence I would like to know how many of you consider me a possible partner. I am writing it out of genuine interest---this is in no way an attempt to boast. Please assume that everything I write is accurate, or simply answer it as a theoretical question. Since I'm writing this anonymously, either way, there is no way you can validate or invalidate any of my statements.

Would you go out and/or consider a serious relationship with somebody of the following traits?

Spiritually:
- What most people I've met consider to be exceptionally intelligent, even brilliant
- Speaks and writes impressively
- Honest, to the point of being nearly brutal
- A line of innovative achievements in a variety of fields, such as theoretical physics, music and non-fiction writing (incidentally, my main interest and future career is physics)
- Eccentric, characterized by a lot of unusual, possibly abnormal habits
- A stubborn perfectionist, would struggle to make every meeting memorable
- Openly self-centered, but cares for those dear to him
- Has some sense of humor
- Idealistic; has the "vision thing" as well as long term plans
- Would never betray his principles

Physically:
- Does not follow aesthetic fashions
- Relatively tall
- Extremely (and I do mean extremely) thin
- Mediocre self-care
- Deep voice
- Long brown hair
- Presumably good-looking face
- Looks overall confident, but possibly not sexually attractive

Please submit your honest answers. I am not looking for emotional support; all I want is to know where I stand. You honesty is highly appreciated!

[searock]

Does "mediocre self-care" mean that your hygiene isn't good? If so, then I would not consider you as a potential date.

I would also be put off by the fact that you have almost no friends.

However, I do like quirky persons, so unless you were completely unattractive to me (and provided that your hygiene is good), then I would go on a date with you, based on the things you have written.

[John Galt]

Does "mediocre self-care" mean that your hygiene isn't good? If so, then I would not consider you as a potential date.

I would also be put off by the fact that you have almost no friends.

However, I do like quirky persons, so unless you were completely unattractive to me (and provided that your hygiene is good), then I would go on a date with you, based on the things you have written.

My hygiene is OK. I do not have an unpleasant smell or appearance. But at the same time, I do not work out and do pay extensive attention to my appearance.

[cosquin]

According what you say and your characteristics, I think that it is highly possible that you're Asperger or something similar. That would explain your relationship problems.

[John Galt]

According what you say and your characteristics, I think that it is highly possible that you're Asperger or something similar. That would explain your relationship problems.

Incorrect. I express my thoughts (and when appropriate feelings) just fine. I naturally understand facial expressions, body language and social norms (whether I actively accept the latter is a separate matter). I tend think of it as a lifestyle thing rather than a disorder. Besides, this is off topic.

[smackie9]

Incorrect. I express my thoughts (and when appropriate feelings) just fine. I naturally understand facial expressions, body language and social norms (whether I actively accept the latter is a separate matter). I tend think of it as a lifestyle thing rather than a disorder. Besides, this is off topic.

It was just an observation to receive more information and TY for clarifying..... This is how public forums roll, so please don't get offended.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't date you because I just don't dig your personality overall, and you will get that with a lot of females. Most prefer someone who are the things you are not in your age group...I'm guessing you already know that.

So that being said are you looking for advice to improve your chances? or are you just trying to see what is not attracting the ladies? are you willing to make adjustments? or do you just don't really care?

[John Galt]

I wouldn't date you because I just don't dig your personality overall, and you will get that with a lot of females. Most prefer someone who are the things you are not in your age group...I'm guessing you already know that.

So that being said are you looking for advice to improve your chances? or are you just trying to see what is not attracting the ladies? are you willing to make adjustments? or do you just don't really care?

Advice could be very helpful. But I'll start by mentioning that I'm not going to change my values or personality just to become more lovable, because then what exactly am I being loved for, and how can I love a woman if I can't maintain my standards? As you can see, trying to change my values or personality in order to have sex would give rise to very miserable relationships on my part. So suitable pieces of advice could be: "Get a haircut," "Go out more and seek like-minded people," and so forth.

[smackie9]

Good luck on finding like mind people because you are not the norm. If you are not open to making changes then I can't help you. BTW making changes doesn't mean being fake, unreal or losing any of your values.

[smackie9]

Let me ask you this....aside from technical qualities (education, career etc), what attributes do you find attractive? personality like out going, bubbly, quiet, alluring, flirty. What about physically? like model like qualities? average?, well dressed? sexy? revealing?

[John Galt]

Good luck on finding like mind people because you are not the norm. If you are not open to making changes then I can't help you. BTW making changes doesn't mean being fake, unreal or losing any of your values.

You have misunderstood me. I am willing to change anything that may be a turn off a potential partner. I am not willing to undergo any fundamental change, since a change as such would be counterproductive. Moreover, I'm not counting on ever meeting a romantic partner who is just like myself. Nor do I mind whether she will be as dominant as I am or a secondary force in the relationship (so to speak). A woman round my age who is able to think, who looks at least average and who shares some of my ideas and tastes would be nothing less than ideal.

Let me ask you this....aside from technical qualities (education, career etc), what attributes do you find attractive? personality like out going, bubbly, quiet, alluring, flirty. What about physically? like model like qualities? average?, well dressed? sexy? revealing?

Ideally she would be as similar as possible to myself. Out of the traits you mentioned, I tend to appreciate bubbly, quiet and alluring over outgoing and flirty. What I'll really find attractive is if she is selectively quiet, i.e., outspoken and passionate when it comes to important matters, and quiet and disinterested when it comes to small talk. That said, I'm not expecting this much, and on top of that any cute nerd will be make me happy. In terms of physical appearance, sure, the better looking the more desirable a woman is, but over average appearance is unnecessary since I realize that it is quite possible that my own appearance is not well over average. Speaking of clothing, I tend to find revealing dresses attractive, but that's really a non-issue. To summon up, I think rationality is sexier than model-like qualities.

[smackie9]

Ok lets get to the chase then...you have a bit of an inflated ego that could use some toning down. Hey it's great that you are brilliant, but this is where modesty would best come into play. Flaunting it, making a point of or executing an opportunity to show it off would be a turn off. Where did I get that from? Your bluntness....probably prone to making a point or proving someone is "incorrect". It's better to ease that knowledge out, to act like it's not a big deal. Focusing your attention on her is better than pulling the attention onto yourself you get that?

[smackie9]

Dating 101, ask questions about her, and let her talk about herself. lite conversation first before getting into heavy intellectual, personal or debating type conversation...you will get there in time if you are with the right person.

[searock]

I tend to appreciate bubbly, quiet and alluring over outgoing and flirty. What I'll really find attractive is if she is selectively quiet, i.e., outspoken and passionate when it comes to important matters, and quiet and disinterested when it comes to small talk. That said, I'm not expecting this much, and on top of that any cute nerd will be make me happy. In terms of physical appearance, sure, the better looking the more desirable a woman is, but over average appearance is unnecessary since I realize that it is quite possible that my own appearance is not well over average. Speaking of clothing, I tend to find revealing dresses attractive, but that's really a non-issue. To summon up, I think rationality is sexier than model-like qualities.

I like you .

[smackie9]

I like you .

See there's a match!!!