Marriage ultimatum

[A bit lost]

My husband and I have been married for 8.5 years, together 11 and have a 20 month old son. My husband has asked me to lose weight and set myself goals to do so. If i do not, then our marriage is over.

I'm 34 years old and 10kgs overweight.

He has said that he's started to be less attracted to me and is noticing other women and wishing I looked like that. He doesn't like thinking that way so wants me to change.

I walk every day and go the gym once a week. I am actually happy with my body. Yes there's wobbly bits, I hsve a bit of a pot belly but I'm happy. He is not.

I absolutely detest going to the gym and mechanically working out on on the treadmill, xtrainer etc, I like classes. But he wants me to tone up and set goals for myself. This is my worst nightmare.

Advice??

[4 ratties]

Wow comparing u to other women is disgusting. Karma will come
To the husband of yours. Do u eat healthy? Him supporting you to eat right and exercise is awesome but asking u to "tone up" is being a downright bully. As long as your happy and healthy, that should be attractive enough for him. What does he look like? Does he look like all the toned hot guys that you see? His self worth may be in the shitter and he's trying to put that on someone else. I'm glad u had a son and not a daughter, I can't imagine how much he would damage the poor girl.

[basilandthyme]

(((hugs))) to you.

I'm wondering what the rest of your marriage looks like. Is it all roses, or are there rifts about other issues? Is he generally supportive of you or not? What kind of father is he? I take it that he's prepared to lose custody of your son over this?

I'd really like to see the bigger picture here.

[HeartIsAching]

(((hugs))) to you.

I'm wondering what the rest of your marriage looks like. Is it all roses, or are there rifts about other issues? Is he generally supportive of you or not? What kind of father is he? I take it that he's prepared to lose custody of your son over this?

I'd really like to see the bigger picture here.

All of this, and I'm also curious about what HE looks like, and what bad habits he has.

Frankly, this is a foreign concept to me. My wife's overweight... and I don't really care if she gains or loses unless it affects her health.

[Boisdevie]

There's a lot we don't know here. I'd love to jump in and comment but could the OP answer the following questions?
1. Does her husband weigh the same as before?
2. How tall is she?
3. How much does she weigh?

[michelle23]

Yes please tell us more. Your height, weight, his height and weight and how would you describe your relationship as a hole? Has it been an overall good marriage?

Nobody is perfect and being in love means accepting each others flaws. Everyone puts up weight occasionally and its far easier to lose it when you have someone supportive making you feel good no matter what instead if being pressured. When my aunt died, I was depressed and put on about 10lbs. Made me feel v self conscious but my bf told me I am gorgeous all the time. Then I lost it within 2weeks once I found the motivation

I feel like calling your husband an asshole but would like some more info first

[bcgirl]

That is awful of your husband saying such things to you! Does your husband look like Brad Pitt? I'm sure he doesn't! How much would it hurt to poke at his status as a man? Is he able to buy you fancy things and taking you out In a fancy Ferrari and dining every night at 5 star restaurants? If he wants playboy bunny bodies, he's gotta either look like brad Pitt or have the money of Hugh Hefner and I doubt he has either so he should stfu!

[spanz]

well how IS the communicating going. This sounds like the sort of thing a man blurts out after trying to talk in a subtle way with you about how he wants the marriage to get better, or the sex to get better, and it is just going over your head. Finally, out of frustration, he blurts out something like that.

So, join a new program, like weight watchers or a crossfit or boot camp, and tell him "you are right honey, I just signed up for program X. I want our marriage and sex life to get better, and I do not want my figure to stand in the way." Then actually go, and loose some weight. Do this for a month or so, and TRY to communicate on all the issues that he perceives, and see if things are getting back on track. Do not be so pigheaded to not admit that you might have some issues that need work.

If after a month or two of trying....and you get no response....THEN you can start to think of your hubby as a dick. Up to then, it could be either of you.

[Lord Darkshire]

I doubt very highly this has anything to do with the way you look...tho he may seem to think this is where the problem lies, but it's not. Life has changed from having a child. All your attention has been in attending child's needs and not his. Many men fell dejected when all the focus they used to have is now on the child and he doesn't know how to handle it, so much so he's wanting to escape it emotionally by looking at being single again. You both need to get into couples counseling NOW. Losing weight is not your solution, but reworking your marriage, how much "couples" time you spend together, and how to rekindle the affection, and attention as a couple.

[bekho]

Just do it together

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Mattiemae]

When was the last time you both had some time away together alone with out the children? Really is just seems like an excuse he's using to get out of the situation. I agree a counselor would help in the matter, but also making time togther on a weekend trip, or dates out alone, so you have time to connect away from everything and everyone.

Find ways to reconnect and bring back the closeness. Take time out for you and him if that is possible.

Otherwise you stated you are trying to do what you can to get back in shape. So yes, this isn't really adding up. There is more too it, and he's not saying. Really if you love your wife and get married you don't divorce because you grow old and your body changes. But some people do make weird choices like that! I would ask him to go to marriage counseling if he doesn't want to talk about things with you himself. Because obviously he's not happy!

[basilandthyme]

old thread!

[Sunnybeach7]

He has said that he's started to be less attracted to me and is noticing other women and wishing I looked like that. He doesn't like thinking that way so wants me to change.

I walk every day and go the gym once a week. I am actually happy with my body. Yes there's wobbly bits, I hsve a bit of a pot belly but I'm happy. He is not.

He has "started to be less attracted" to you and is "noticing other women", and he "doesn't like thinking that way" so he "wants you to change".

It sound like the problem is totally his. You are not that overweight.

Tell him that you have started noticing guys that are 6 foot 5 inches, extremely muscular, built like a brick sh*t house.. tell him you are really attracted to them and if he doesn't change himself to be exactly that, then your marriage is over.. see what he says.

He is being very incredibly selfish.. it sounds like he may just be looking for a way out.. You are very young.. if he does back out of your marriage.. you are young enough to find someone who will love and respect you for who YOU ARE.. not what OTHER WOMEN look like.

[HeartIsAching]

He has "started to be less attracted" to you and is "noticing other women", and he "doesn't like thinking that way" so he "wants you to change".

It sound like the problem is totally his. You are not that overweight.

True, the problem is his.

Tell him that you have started noticing guys that are 6 foot 5 inches, extremely muscular, built like a brick sh*t house.. tell him you are really attracted to them and if he doesn't change himself to be exactly that, then your marriage is over.. see what he says.

Doing this would be beyond stupid. Never make an ultimatum you're not ready/willing to back up with action. Bad advice.

He is being very incredibly selfish.. it sounds like he may just be looking for a way out.. You are very young.. if he does back out of your marriage.. you are young enough to find someone who will love and respect you for who YOU ARE.. not what OTHER WOMEN look like.

This MAY be true, but I think it's more likely he's using it as leverage to try and motivate her to conform to his desires... it's simple controlling behavior.

[sandybhardwaj50]

Thanks for share the post....