Am I stalking this girl? Is this wrong or creepy?

[extremis]

there is this tutor I work with in the tutoring lab in college. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. She is about 28 and I am 22 and she is engaged, One thing I noticed about her is that she was very touchy feely. , like patting me on the back or shoulder.


My class ended a few months ago but I saw her around campus when I was going to meet up with a friend recently and chatted with her
now I find myself going out of my way to that location just so I can hopefully see her and talk to her again. Last week I went and sat there for about half an hour (I had nothing else to do though so I wasn't skipping anything) I just get this extremely good feeling when talking to her or seeing her. Is this creepy?



someone responded this

"You better watch what you're doing or you could end up on the wrong side of her boyfriend and that could result in you with a sore face.
"
But this makes no sense, if her boyfriend came after me and attacked me for no reason that would be assault and I can probably press charges


I recently ran into this girl again. She was in the math lab, I went in and started chatting to her and she seemed happy to see me and happy to chat. I get this extremely good feeling whenever I see her or talk to her. I can't explain it


why would she be touchy feely?

[basilandthyme]

if her boyfriend came after me and attacked me for no reason that would be assault and I can probably press charges

And I could not bother driving defensively because my insurance will pick up the tab if I'm not careful to avoid the mistakes of others. Seriously dude, I don't think pressing charges will make you feel a whole lot better after you've swallowed a few teeth and gotten your jaw wired.

Why does she touch you? She could be a touchy, feely person. Or she may be flirting with you. But be clear: flirting does not necessarily mean intent.

The feeling you get when you talk with her is what's commonly known as a crush. If you stop feeding the crush, it will fade

[extremis]

And I could not bother driving defensively because my insurance will pick up the tab if I'm not careful to avoid the mistakes of others. Seriously dude, I don't think pressing charges will make you feel a whole lot better after you've swallowed a few teeth and gotten your jaw wired.

Why does she touch you? She could be a touchy, feely person. Or she may be flirting with you. But be clear: flirting does not necessarily mean intent.

The feeling you get when you talk with her is what's commonly known as a crush. If you stop feeding the crush, it will fade

the point is, attacking me could cause more problems for them than solve.

[anastasis]

I think you need to officially ask her out and go ahead and make it totally creepy, and kind of cool actually. She may go for it. How do you know? And her dumb fiance can take a hike. What do you have to lose anyway? You like her, be bold and be brave. She's going to be married soon, and you'll always wonder what could have been.

If her boyfriend tries to attack you, just carry a gun and blow his head off. It's really that simple.

If she would marry someone who would attack somebody who is asking someone with a freewill out and who can make her own decisions, then she would also deserve to have that person have their head blown off in self defense.

Truth. That's the rules. That's justice.

Never let any man stand between you and love. EVER. Love is war and war is love.

And the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

[searock]

How is this troll^^^ still here?

[searock]

extremis, she is engaged. What you are doing is, if not creepy, extremely pathetic and sad. Move on, she is unavailable and uninterested. She isn't even particularly touchy-feely with you, she just touches your shoulder or pats your back, that's part of a normal conversation for some people. The "extremely good feeling" you get from talking with her comes from the fact that you are attracted to / have a crush on her. Stop hanging out with her and those feelings will stop bothering you. Focus on someone else if you are interested in finding someone.

[anastasis]

How is this troll^^^ still here?

I'm not a troll, searock. You just happen to disagree with me on some issues.

That doesn't make me a troll, that makes you a lame debater.

You don't like me. And I don't like you.

So we understand each other.

Move on.

[anastasis]

extremis, she is engaged. What you are doing is, if not creepy, extremely pathetic and sad. Move on, she is unavailable and uninterested. She isn't even particularly touchy-feely with you, she just touches your shoulder or pats your back, that's part of a normal conversation for some people. The "extremely good feeling" you get from talking with her comes from the fact that you are attracted to / have a crush on her. Stop hanging out with her and those feelings will stop bothering you. Focus on someone else if you are interested in finding someone.

Nonsense. I personally know of a case where a woman married a man she didn't even like. Not just not love, didn't even like. Her family pretty much forced her into it. And having no spine of her own, and being a slave to daddy's money, she went for it. She also lived to regret it. She once said that during her engagement she would have dated nearly anyone else.

Courtship isn't a vacuum. In a perfect world, it would be based on real love. But we're dealing with humans. And humans have avarice, and greed, and arrogance, and family wealth to protect, and politics to defend. So an engagement may be about love a lot of the time, but a lot of the time it's not.

It's not final until both parties say 'I do'. All's fare in love and war. And with any luck, what should have been will be what is instead of what is arranged to be.

[anastasis]

There is only one question that is really important in this equation: are you, or are you not her man?

If you think you're made of the kind of stuff that would qualify as her 'man', I suggest you go in with the buggles blaring and be her man.

That will be enough to tell you whether or not this is Love, or just a crush.

If you're her man, you'll know it. And if you doubt it for one second and are not fully prepared to back up that fact, then you're not that guy.

When you're going to step into this arena, you had better have the attitude of a gladiator and mean every bit of it.

So, to the Victor..

How much do you really want it?

To what lengths are you willing to go to get it?

[basilandthyme]

the point is, attacking me could cause more problems for them than solve.

Yeah, and pressing charges on her partner and making their lives difficult will really make her care for you. Not.

[michelle23]

Watch titanic. A forced marriage is not her fault jeez

[TheEvilJester]

To me, here is the distinction. Do you like to be around her because you think she is a good person and you'd like to be friends, or do you like to be around her because you want to be more than just friends? If you cannot see being just friends, then that is what makes it not okay for you to be around her right now. She is engaged. Heck, even if she just had a boyfriend, it wouldn't be right to ask her out or anything like that. But, this is obviously more serious. She is engaged.

I mean, honestly there is nothing wrong with an innocent little crush.... IF it remains just that. So long as you would never do anything to even try to hinder her existing relationship, so long as you can trust yourself to remain just friends with her, and so long as that wouldn't be too difficult for you to do, then that is fine.

But, from your story, it definitely sounds that you are somewhat smitten with her, and want to be more than friends. It doesn't sound like you'd be content just to be friends. So, it would probably be better for you and for her if you were to keep your distance somewhat if that is the case. She is in a relationship. Unless that relationship happened to end, nobody has any right to try to do or say anything about that. Just imagine how you'd feel if you had a girlfriend, or a fiance, and other guys were asking her out even though they knew she was in a relationship.

[extremis]

she is always happy to see me. She doesn't feel scared or threatened of me at all

[searock]

That's not the point. She isn't interested in you and she is engaged. You should forget about her and move on.

[TheEvilJester]

Nobody is implying she isn't happy to see you, or she feels threatened at all. The point is, she is engaged. So, she only sees you as a friend right now, and you should only see her as a friend as well, or you need to distance yourself from her and move on. As I said, in my view the distinction is can you see yourself remaining just friends without any complications, and without it hurting you too much?

If you can remain just friends with her, and still move on with your life, date other women (without just wishing they were her), then it is fine to remain friends. But, if remaining friends with her is just going to mean you are going to find yourself wanting to be with her even more, or it means you are really just waiting around hoping her relationship ends, then you need to distance yourself. If remaining friends means you are just going to wind up having your feelings for her grow to a point where you can't trust yourself not to do something to try to let her know how you feel and/or attempt to be with her, then you need to move on. She is engaged. Neither you nor anybody else has any right to try to mess with that. If her relationship were to eventually break up, that should be 100% solely her decision and her fiance's, not some guy who came along and wanted a woman who was already taken.

Trust me, I'm sure we've all been there at some time. So, we don't mean to judge. I am sure most of us understand what you are going through now. But, the truth is you just cannot mess with a person's relationship. That is wrong. Now, if you truly could see yourself remaining just friends with her, that is different. If you can remain friends with her and move on with your own life (date other women without just wishing they were her, etc.) then remain friends. The good thing about that is either A) you'll wind up meeting somebody you really like and that will help you forget your feelings for her or B) Heck, in that case you never know. Relationships do break up. Maybe hers eventually would of its own accord, and maybe you'd find find yourself still single at the time and fate would bring you together. You just can't remain friends with her and live your life hoping that would happen. You have to move on and let fate decide whatever it may, even if that means that you find and fall in love with somebody else. Either way, good luck.