New ground for me...

[surfhb2]

Thank you for wishing me good luck. I wish you the best as well.

Sweeeet! You too! Im going night surfing at the pier...take care!

[isolde.darling]

Oh dear.... Uhmm... :| If she were just really curious about s3x and if that guy reminded her too much of you that's why she couldn't resist him, pardon me for asking but in all that seven years you've been together, then why didn't she just do it with you? Was she already asking you to do it with her and you were saying no (because of your Christian values)? Because if that was it, then I may understand her reasons. If that was it, then maybe it truly was curiosity. If that never happened, however, or if she never showed any desire to be with you physically, then, she cheated because she wanted that guy and not really because that guy reminded her of you.

[someguyintexas]

The "relationship" with him started because he reminded her allot of me. As to the abstinence on our end was a mutual understanding. At times her and I both said maybe we should just go ahead but we both agreed that we should wait. Saying we where abstinent is not saying we where prude by any definition, so we took it as far as we dared and still sticking with our convictions. I had to restrain myself out of respect for her and her wishes almost every time we where together. This guy did not respect her wishes, took her to the edge then right on over. Yes, her and I have talked about it at length. We have discussed almost every aspect of her relationship with him at this point. I am the one she wants, her feelings for me are greater than for him. It is my fault for not being able to come visit her enough or as much as I would have liked to. The guy is a jerk though, he knew she was engaged to me and still pressured her. Come to think of it, not all that unlike your situation except kinda reversed. The big difference obviously is he was trying to breakup our relationship and it was he who moved on her not the other way around.

As to the abstinence... This relationship might change things in ours. I almost feel, why wait? From the religious side I still want to wait and should but what the heck... you know?

[isolde.darling]

I get you and yes, I think you understand more than what those guys in my thread are saying. (Well, they're just talking about avatars now. -__- ) the guy did pressure me and i did like him, and we were friends so it's not like you can just call on rape or whatever because you DO like him too so you kind of feel caught up and pressured at the same time at the moment so you give in. *sigh* people are so easy to judge if they're not the ones themselves who's there in that certain situation. It's so easy to say "I'd never do that" "I'd never do this" if you haven't found yourself in that sticky situation yet. Maybe it should happen to them first so that they wont be so quick to judge.

[someguyintexas]

I get you and yes, I think you understand more than what those guys in my thread are saying. (Well, they're just talking about avatars now. -__- ) the guy did pressure me and i did like him, and we were friends so it's not like you can just call on rape or whatever because you DO like him too so you kind of feel caught up and pressured at the same time at the moment so you give in. *sigh* people are so easy to judge if they're not the ones themselves who's there in that certain situation. It's so easy to say "I'd never do that" "I'd never do this" if you haven't found yourself in that sticky situation yet. Maybe it should happen to them first so that they wont be so quick to judge.

AMEN!

I was able to forgive my fiance and, I think, she has forgiven herself at this point. I know she won't ever cheat on me again, I don't know however if we will survive this trial.

As to you and I think someone posted this on your thread, you truly lucked out. Finding someone with your values and can empathize with you and your needs will not be an easy search but I can tell you have the fire to do it. Don't settle or accept second best. You have pride in yourself or you wouldn't have felt shame at all for what happened.

Thank you for understanding my situation and taking the time to try and figure it out. I hope he knows how great a person he just missed out on...

[basilandthyme]

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven
Matthew 18:21-22

I think endless forgiving is a great idea for a deity. But I have to confess to teaching my daughter that she should work through a problem or disagreement - but if someone keeps hurting her, then she needs to protect herself. Would you advise your own daughter to stay with a man who hurt her seventy times seven times?

I'm not advising you either way on your present situation, but please think twice about the theory of being endlessly forgiving of someone who hurts you endlessly.

[isolde.darling]

Thank you as well for being one of the few people here who are not so mean! I do hope that you and your fiance fix things. As for me, I'll just carry on and try to move on without feeling so stupid for what I did. Haha. Best of luck to us!

[isolde.darling]

hmmm well, you do have a point there basilandthyme. forgiveness is good but not when a person is already taking advantage of you. so i guess my advice for someguyintexas is to give his girlfriend a chance BUT if she does it again, then find someone else.

[someguyintexas]

I think endless forgiving is a great idea for a deity. But I have to confess to teaching my daughter that she should work through a problem or disagreement - but if someone keeps hurting her, then she needs to protect herself. Would you advise your own daughter to stay with a man who hurt her seventy times seven times?

I'm not advising you either way on your present situation, but please think twice about the theory of being endlessly forgiving of someone who hurts you endlessly.

I do appreciate that and you are correct in what you are saying. This issue was the first time she stepped out on me, should I draw and quarter her for her mistake? She is well aware, though I would forgive her again, that if it happened again we would not be together.

Forgiveness isn't about letting people abuse you, you can forgive and move on or work thru it. If it's a pattern then yes you are diluted if you thing at some point it's going to change. Even if it's a pattern I don't see why you can't forgive them before, or even after, you move on...

[someguyintexas]

if she does it again, then find someone else.

I hear your single... lol j/k

[surfhb2]

I think I'm about to throw up

[surfhb2]

I hear your single... lol j/k

Now your mind is going in the right direction !

[someguyintexas]

Now your mind is going in the right direction !

LOL... I thought you where shooting the pier... Did you go to HB or Newport?

[someguyintexas]

Just thought about it... It wouldn't work... Three months down the road I would be back here with LDR problems... never mind...

[surfhb2]

LOL... I thought you where shooting the pier... Did you go to HB or Newport?

HB.....was only out for an hour