Am I wrong to be upset?

[fooled again]

For the past year I have been in a long distance relationship with a woman I love(d) very, very much. We have seen each other, on average, twice a month.

She very outgoing, friendly, and by her own admission, flirtatious. She has many male friends, straight and gay, and goes out with them, solo and in groups. She typically tells me when she meets one on one with them, and I have NO problem with her doing so.

However, she has one male friend who has asked her out on dates. He lives in her city, they have a lot in common, and apparently have a lot of mutual friends. She knows that I am a little bothered by their relationship. I found out that SHE recently asked him to go out for drinks. She did not tell me she had done so, and when I questioned her about it, said that it was just as friends.

I am upset and feel disrespected. I have a number of female friends, some of whom have asked me out. I would never ask one of them out for a drink, as friends, without telling the person with whom I'm involved.

m I wrong to be upset that she asked the guy out and didn't tell me? Please help!

[searock]

No, you are not wrong to be upset. What she is doing is disrespectful to your relationship. It's one thing to go out with a group of friends that includes male friends, but to hang out alone with a guy that she knows is interested in her is way off. You have every right to be upset. If she can't handle the long-distance, she should say so and break up, rather than seek what she is missing elsewhere while still in the relationship.

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree. I think it is awesome that you are okay with her hanging out with male friends, even one on one. That is something that is very difficult for a lot of guys. But, you do have a right to expect that she is at least honest with you about it. That, and if she is in a relationship with you, it should be made perfectly clear to any and all male friends that she is in a relationship so anything they may do is as friends, not a date. I could just be misinterpreting from what you say here, but it certainly doesn't sound like that was made clear in this case. If he has asked her out on dates, well "dates" are very different from just hanging out with a friend. If that was the case, it should have been made clear that she was not single, so she could not go on dates. The fact that she not only allows that, but then also asks the guy out, basically on dates as well is not really okay.

Given your acceptance of her male friends, I wouldn't necessarily call it a make or break type of thing. Could be just an honest misunderstanding. So, I wouldn't recommend freaking out on her or anything like that. Just calm, open discussion about why that feels different to you then just hanging out with male friends. If she can't understand that, then maybe she doesn't deserve your presence in her life. Either way, good luck.

[surfhb2]

My question when do you two plan to start a REAL relationship? When do you plan to move closer together?

[DalM0m]

Opposite sex friends are OK & from your post you think so too. This is different. This man has expressed a desire to DATE her. That's not hang out with my friend who happens to be a girl. She didn't tell you because she knew her asking him was wrong. You have to talk to her about this. You probably can't stop her from encountering him in groups if they have the same social circle but under the circumstances of him wanting more than she tells you that she's willing to offer, she needs distance.

[michelle23]

This isnt a relationship. Again when are one of you moving closer to the other?? If not, then your wasting your time. Long distant relationships do not work

and I think you both need to cut out your opposite sex friends. Its fine if they are group friends that you see occasionally but hanging out alone, texting, constant contact is crossing a line IMO

[smackie9]

For the past year I have been in a long distance relationship with a woman I love(d) very, very much. We have seen each other, on average, twice a month.

She very outgoing, friendly, and by her own admission, flirtatious. She has many male friends, straight and gay, and goes out with them, solo and in groups. She typically tells me when she meets one on one with them, and I have NO problem with her doing so.

However, she has one male friend who has asked her out on dates. He lives in her city, they have a lot in common, and apparently have a lot of mutual friends. She knows that I am a little bothered by their relationship. I found out that SHE recently asked him to go out for drinks. She did not tell me she had done so, and when I questioned her about it, said that it was just as friends.

I am upset and feel disrespected. I have a number of female friends, some of whom have asked me out. I would never ask one of them out for a drink, as friends, without telling the person with whom I'm involved.

m I wrong to be upset that she asked the guy out and didn't tell me? Please help!

Just friends? She's lying to you bro. People that do things in secret know they shouldn't be doing it. Your relationship is on the way out....lets face it, seeing someone twice a month wears off real fast.

[mwtzzz]

You're not wrong. She's being dishonest. Which means she's probably hiding something or planning to do something she doesn't want you to know about.

[4 ratties]

No way would I put up with that

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Christ, just dump the bitch. It's long distance, she's probably going to **** him at some point, just let it go. You should cheat on her first, but no one ever listens to me on that one.

[myrabell]

Lets see. She has a suitor close by, you are not, she asks him out for drinks and doesn't tell you. Why would she be asking him out, one on one? Did she tell you after you found out? My boyfriend would be mad as hell if I did that, and I wouldn't blame him. Maybe you should find someone a little more trustworthy. Just sayin.

[anastasis]

I'm gonna tell you something that nobody else will ever tell you because they're all politically correct, brainwashed zombies.

However, if you ever get mixed up with a girl who has a lot of gay 'guy friends', you better dump that ho because she has all the moral compass of the Bermuda Triangle and will do whatever the hell she wants whenever the hell she wants and will have absolutely no conscience or concern about who it harms or what damage is done, and is ammoral and ignorant enough not to even know the difference.

In her world, it's all about her. That b*tch is more certain death for you than the bite of a viper.

DUMP. THAT. HO!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're not wrong for being upset. You're dumb for being in an LDR.

[fooled again]

Never would have thunk it, but the whole thing WAS about her. Gi figure. I wonder why that is...

[Eddie Vedder]

She didn't tell you because she didn't want to upset you. You obviously get hurt by these things easily so I would imagine you have quizzed her before about these guys and her feelings towards them. Nothing wrong with that btw as I would do the same. It's a fact that if you date an attractive woman, she will always be a target for other guys, that's a fact whether it's friends, at the office at a party, anywhere, so you have to trust her or you will do your head in thinking about it and eventually confront her, and then you will push her away. My girlfriend is a personality profile INFJ according to Myers Briggs. Once you understand her profile, understanding her will make you relationship grow, remember we are all different & what you think is correct she may not