Girlfriend cheated on me, but I love her and don't want to lose her?

[smackie9]

We can waggle our finger at him all we want, but if he wants to believe her then that is his choice. I'm not sure why he needed to come here....I'm sure he knew what kind of response we would give him, and I'm pretty sure his friends and family (if they knew) would have felt the same way. I guess love is blind and he wanted validation that he was making the right decision, and now he stand alone willing to see if this relationship will survive the test of time. Now it's time for us to just let it go....I think we all have said enough.

[Jacko157]

I know what everyone is saying. Before I met this girl, I always said I'd finish it straight away if I got cheated on, and I know I'd tell me mates to finish it if they came to me in this situation. But I couldn't bring myself to lose her. Maybe I am just that in love with her, maybe I'm just scared of having no one, because I know what that feels like, and it's not nice, or maybe it's both. But whatever it is, my guy feeling is that she is truly sorry, I know this, I've never seen anyone as upset as she has been. She's still my girl, and I love her.

Thank you all for giving me your opinions though, I guess I did come here knowing in my heart that I could never end it, but I just thought some people may be on my side and that it could give me reassurance that what I'm doing is right.

[michelle23]

lol Thanks, Star. No idea where that all came from. I guess it's just the stupidity I've been seeing on the forums lately. haha

I hear you lol. Sometimes I get frustrated answering the same question a million times to a million different people. The OM/OW in emotional affairs pisses me off the most with their innane blindness and stupidity. But I gotta remind myself this is a new idiot so try to be constructive.. ive learned though you cant help these blind fools. They gotta learn their lesson the hard way

[michelle23]

I know what everyone is saying. Before I met this girl, I always said I'd finish it straight away if I got cheated on, and I know I'd tell me mates to finish it if they came to me in this situation. But I couldn't bring myself to lose her. Maybe I am just that in love with her, maybe I'm just scared of having no one, because I know what that feels like, and it's not nice, or maybe it's both. But whatever it is, my guy feeling is that she is truly sorry, I know this, I've never seen anyone as upset as she has been. She's still my girl, and I love her.

Thank you all for giving me your opinions though, I guess I did come here knowing in my heart that I could never end it, but I just thought some people may be on my side and that it could give me reassurance that what I'm doing is right.

Your not the first person to say you will end it if... but then do the opposite and you wont be the last. Its your life, your choice and you gotta do what you think is best.

I will just warn you though that its hard to forgive-even harder to forget and usually results in a dysfunctional mess with trust issues, fights, possessiveness, jealousy, insecurity, anxiety..

You need to know when to walk so if this all gets too much for you in a week, a month, a year just remember it is okay to walk away. Just dont turn this into tit for tat and seek revenge etc. Keep your dignity

good luck

[Rowen]

But I couldn't bring myself to lose her.

Okay, OP, time for "big bad Row" (Yes, I'm aware of what a bitch I appeared to be.) to share with you a personal story.. I dated a guy about three years ago now (Wow, it will be 3 years we've been broken up this week... O.o). Anyway, I thought he was brilliant for me in the beginning. He took me out on a date or two, kept telling me how much he cared, etc etc... And I believed it. Then he started cheating on me with friends of his- both girls and guys. And every time he would tell me how it was never meant to happen- that it was just a product of being extremely lonely and being without me or that he was drunk, etc etc... And every time I took him back, only be used as a doormat for him to wipe his feet on whenever he decided he wasn't satisfied with me. He ended up making my birthday that year probably one of the most terrible days I never want to remember and then dumped me a week before Christmas... And after that, I thought I'd never be in that again...until the next guy came along, led me on, and then got a boyfriend behind my back because he knew I wouldn't have the guts to walk away- just make up excuses for him and keep trying to build a relationship with him.

So, the reason I feel so strongly about this is because you very much so remind me of how I was back then. I know that you love her, but don't just think about her and put her on a pedestal. Think of yourself and what is best for you, aside from the fact that you love her. And look at your past too-a lot of times, if we've been hurt in the past (like a doormat especially) we can use those feelings we remember to look at our current position.

In short, don't settle for someone who will hurt you over and over just because you love them. That's my whole take on it.

[Jacko157]

That's the thing, I don't have a proper past, or any experience, I'm 19 and she's my first proper girlfriend, my first love and the girl I lost my virginity to. At first I thought I could forgive but not forget. I've forgiven her, and to stop myself remembering it, I have a rubber band on my wrist, and if that night comes up in my mind, I snap it, and it stings like a ****er, and it does work, it's helped a lot and will continue to help. As for thinking it's ok because she's done it to me, that's really not me. I know 100% I could never hurt this girl no matter how badly she hurt me. I've spoken with her about where we're going, and we agreed that if by January we're not happy with our progression, we will break it off and remain friends.

And I'm sorry that happened to you Rowen, what happened to you sounds a lot worse than what I'm going through.

[dickriculous]

[michelle23]

Lol.. first love is puppy love. 5 months is nothing. Try 5 years.. anyway im not gonna try to change your mind. Good luck