Online Relationship Vs. Reality?

[love2beloved]

Sooo my whole life I've always been overweight and in high school I was never popular with the guys and never had a boyfriend. I was very depressed and lonely and turned to the internet to fill that void in me. I am now 26, but when I was 16 or 17 I met this guy online. We talked for a few years, until I was 21. At first we talked once every few weeks but that turned into once a week then hours a day everyday.

He was very affectionate, well as affectionate as you can be online, and very sweet and nice to me and made me feel like i was the most important and most beautiful girl in the world. I never expected this online relationship to go anywhere because he lived on the other side of the world and we never really planned to meet or anything. He sent me letters, necklaces, rings, origami hearts with our names, teddy bears, etc. in the mail all because he wanted to.. i never asked him for any of it. It wasn't the gifts but the thoughtfulness behind it that just made my day. When I would get home from work I would have emails and ecards and corny stuff like that. I loved it. Anyways I always knew there was something off about him because he never sent me any real pictures. I got really frustrated on my 21st birthday because I was spending another birthday single, alone, typing on a computer, and i pressured him to send me a real picture. Turns out it was a girl. Yep. I still talked to "him" for awhile because honestly he was so far away it didnt matter, and I knew I was just in love with the idea of him rather than person anyways.

So now I'm 26, engaged and living with my fiance and i love him more than anything in the world. We've been together for 5 years, almost 6. The only issue is that my fiance can be affectionate, but in general is not a very affectionate person. He is from up north, and I am from the south so we are pretty different. Sometimes I just find myself longing for that affection that I had with the online relationship. I miss that so much sometimes. Is that totally crazy? I know my fiance is in love with me and wants to be with me, but I miss that feeling of knowing someone has waited all day just to to talk to me. I feel so crazy and so bad about it. I try to hint towards my fiance that I wish he would be more affectionate with me, for example holding my hand when we're in the store or the movies instead of walking in front of me or pretending to push me like i'm his little sister or something, but he takes it so personal like I'm saying he's not doing enough for me and that's not it all. I haven't talked to that person in years but I still find myself missing the idea of them and thinking about it. Is that really weird? What would you guys do? I had to find a place to post kind of anonymously because I'm too afraid to talk to friends about it, I'm sure they won't be able to relate and will think I'm completely insane. Thanks for any advice or input.

[someguyintexas]

Watch the movie "Fireproof" with him... Read the book "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" with him and discuss it. Both will help allot I think. If you don't address it with him and you do get married things are not going to change. One thing you said that has me a little worried is "I know my fiance is in love with me" but are you with him? Marriage is something you will have to work at, it a unique partnership where the success of the partnership is more important than individual success. You need to talk to him and lean together what it is you both need...

[AnErin]

Online relationships are not uncommon. Maybe they do not have the substance of a face to face but the feelings can still be there. It is not crazy. It is sweet. You felt something with this person. THAT is what matters.

People say "Oh it is infatuation, it is just hormones blah blah" but still, if you have feelings then who gives a crap what it is?
For me, I once had an online relationship that lasted about a year. Sadly though, it was not someone I would want to meet in real life. Given the venue (second life) we kind of had an understanding that it was just an online relationship.

Who has the right to decide what is "crazy" or "stupid" or even real when it comes to relationships or love? Just you and the other person. People always try to discredit others' happiness and it is aggravating.

If you are struggling with the fact that it was a woman - please don't. You cannot really help who you fall in love with. If it was a woman, so be it. She cared for you.

[TablesandChairs]

Are you in love with your fiancee or, as a result of being an over-weight girl (with all the insecurities that unfortunately comes with) were you just happy/grateful that someone found you attractive? Sometimes, even when people lose the weight, they can carry the feelings of being not good enough with them so they accept less.

I don't know - obviously something is missing. It doesn't sound like you're a lesbian, I think you just long for the affection, the thoughtful gestures...just that feeling of being wanted and thought of. Your fiancee is giving you a 'buddies' type of affection and that's not good enough all the time.

Open the lines of communication - tell him how you feel. Seek couples counseling, if that's an option. Most of all, be honest with yourself. If he's not going to change and the dynamics between you two are a bit too 'brother/sister' for your liking, don't settle because you'll have your whole married life to regret it.

[DalM0m]

If you want more PDA from your FI tell him. Men aren't mind readers. If you are clear about what you want the men who love you will often give you what you want, especially when it's as simple as hand holding in public. If you want more romance, explain that. My husband is the most unromantic person I have ever met. I used to date guys who did over the top romance. . . I mean straight out of the movies so I understand you missing it. However, if your FI is a good guy & you know he loves you, give him specific ideas of what to do. Heck I had to "teach" DH to light candles in the bedroom. lol