What should I do? Confused!

[Bryan9148]

Girlfriend and I have been having problems, distant, less affectionate and have been trying to work things out. she got a new phone a couple of days ago and asked if I could get all the apps installed and arranged, I said yes and I ended looking at her text messaging and saw a number only and not a name. I read some of the texts and realized that the number was a friend of ours husband. we are all friends and there are having some issues with their marriage. The texts were just small talk nothing juicy but never the less texting back and forth. I confronted her about this and she said that he is just a friend and has talked to him in the past and was trying to keep them together, I said that if his wife knew about their texts regardless of the content she would be furious. I told her that it was inappropriate and I felt that she was hiding this from me. She said that she would end the talks and that she had no interest in him and was sorry and that she only wanted me. Now my question is should I text him and tell him that I know about the talks and would like him to not text her or how should I handle this?

[michelle23]

Do you believe her that nothing is going on? Of yes, let it go

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[smackie9]

Ya she was hiding it from you.....if not she would have brought it up with you and shared discussions about your friends marital issues. My husband does this with me all the time to keep me in the loop.

IMO your suspicions are close to correct. Nothing is going on with them as of yet, but there is something going on. They are in the beginnings of having emotions towards each other, but neither one of them know about how the other feels. You caught it early before it advanced to an emotional affair.

If you want to deal with this do it in a manner that you don't come off as a jealous controlling BF. Don't text your friend (texting is a cowards way IMO.) , meet up with him and have a man to man talk. Approach the situation tactfully by starting with: "I am so sorry that you are having marital problems, it must be really tough on you BUT I don't find it would be helpful to your situation by texting my GF asking for advice or having discussions about it. I don't find it appropriate, and I'm sure your wife wouldn't either if she knew nor it is very fair to her. I think it would be best for you to seek out a marriage counselor to help work on your problems with your marriage.

[smackie9]

As for your situation, I doubt their texting is the cause of any of the issues in your relationship, but a symptom. Less affection, etc could mean there is something lacking in your relationship like romance, or you are not spending enough time to go do your own thing, or you are not spending enough quality time or your relationship has just ran it's course. I guess that can be another thread.

[michelle23]

I agree with smackie. You caught this early. It would have developed into an EA. She shouldnt be discussing relationship issues with other men (hers or his) full stop. It IS inappropriate and disrespectful to your relationship. Ask her to look up emotional affairs and tell her she put your relationship at risk with her actions and you wont tolerate this behaviour again. If she continues talking to him or "helping him" its over

And ya i know some people think ultimatums are wrong but getting too close to a married man is worse IMO

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[smackie9]

Michelle they are already having issues...an ultimatum like that is just adding fuel to the fire.

[PatriciaQT]

go to her spend time with her
make it better with attention
caring and love.