How would you characterize this person / situation?

[michelle23]

Coz you are being an idiot right now lol. In denial, fooling yourself into believing your ok with just being friends while secretly hoping she will dump him and you will sail off into the sunset together-loves young dream...

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[michelle23]

Look up other peoples stories in similar situations.

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[RobertWQ]

Again I see what you're saying, and I have had those thoughts. But as I've come to understand it better, I DON'T think she's going to leave him for me. That's my honest assessment of the situation.

[surfhb2]

Stop talking to her. Why be friends with someone who shows you disrespect? What part of this don't you get?! Lol

[michelle23]

So y are you still bothering with her? Y stay friends with a girl you know your going to fall for who you know you cant have? Why not just move on and meet an available girl?

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[RobertWQ]

Well, aside from the fact that I like her, I guess I feel sympathetic because she seems so vulnerable. I know it's being sappy. However, I figure if I can help teach her a few things at least, then it'll have been worth it. I can certainly meet an available girl too. Like I said, I am also talking to other girls, and this really hasn't changed the frequency of that ...

I guess it's part that I like her, part that she worked so hard with me this semester and does seem to want me as a part of her life and I feel too sympathetic to just cut her out, and part that I actually find it kind of fascinating that she thinks she's getting one over on me. I haven't really seen this exact type of behavior before.

[surfhb2]

Well, aside from the fact that I like her, I guess I feel sympathetic because she seems so vulnerable. I know it's being sappy. However, I figure if I can help teach her a few things at least, then it'll have been worth it. I can certainly meet an available girl too. Like I said, I am also talking to other girls, and this really hasn't changed the frequency of that ...

I guess it's part that I like her, part that she worked so hard with me this semester and does seem to want me as a part of her life and I feel too sympathetic to just cut her out, and part that I actually find it kind of fascinating that she thinks she's getting one over on me. I haven't really seen this exact type of behavior before.

Yeah....because youre young and havent lived life to the fullest yet. The world is full of opportunistic cunts like this! LOL! Recognize this and life will be much better for you. Its friday dude! Get off the fuccking monitor and go out.

Im married...I have my excuse

[basilandthyme]

OK, so let's consider the 'just friends' scenario. Has she done anything which leads you to believe she'd like to be your friend over the vacation period or after university finishes?

[RobertWQ]

Well, the semester is over as far any further classes or group work and she's still writing to me. And we've also agreed on multiple occasions to get together over break and / or next semester. She also wanted to see if I could get into her bio II lab next semester but the scheduling conflicted because it was too late in the day for me. She writes me when she has no real reason to now that the semester is complete basically. But the other advice here is right too. I'll only entertain the possibility of something more than friends for a little while longer ... and I'm completely open to meeting other women in the meantime.

[surfhb2]

I'll only entertain the possibility of something more than friends for a little while longer ...

* hand slapping forehead* ....did you not take in anything we just fuucking said?!

Forget her completely and move on

[Skeptical]

Don't forget about her. You obviously like her and like to be around her. You don't find this in many people.
Maybe she says bad things behind your back because she doesn't want to show that she likes you. You don't know her yet, so maybe this is her personality.
Try to get to know her, and ask her out. Be upfront. You mentioned that she is poor, buy her a gift and ask her for dinner.
This will do.

Don't listen to the c*nts telling you to move on. Don't move on, try knowing her first. We girls do stupid things if we like a guy.

[K_6]

It should have worked by now, mate. She isn't interested romantically in you, but others can be.

[RobertWQ]

Don't forget about her. You obviously like her and like to be around her. You don't find this in many people.
Maybe she says bad things behind your back because she doesn't want to show that she likes you. You don't know her yet, so maybe this is her personality.
Try to get to know her, and ask her out. Be upfront. You mentioned that she is poor, buy her a gift and ask her for dinner.
This will do.

Don't listen to the c*nts telling you to move on. Don't move on, try knowing her first. We girls do stupid things if we like a guy.

It should have worked by now, mate. She isn't interested romantically in you, but others can be.

I actually think both of these posts and perspectives are right.


I think she IS into me. And I think she probably makes fun of me behind my back in part because she doesn't want to fully let on to her boyfriend that she is ... and in part because it's kind of this antagonism from a relatively poor, immigrant towards the white, affluent person. Feeling a sense of power from thinking you're getting something over on them. Like graffiti or something.

And I also think the other point of view (Michelle's, etc.) is also correct. She IS using me as an emotional shoulder to lean on. The character of her emails indicate this. She often asks me for help on something, although I think at times at least she is just making an excuse to write to me (she'll sometimes ask for things she really doesn't need). But she also does talk about how she can be unmotivated at times because of how busy her schedule is, and then I encourage her, etc. So kind of a classic nice-guy situation too.

I'm going to stick it out until it's time to go, I guess. I DO like her and I like her company. I also think that there isn't anything wrong with helping someone when you can and it doesn't cost you very much. I mean after all, I am going into medicine, that is the entire purpose of people in this field, is to help vulnerable people or people in need of what you can do.

I guess once she starts talking to me about her and her boyfriend's problems will be when I decide it's gone too far towards the nice-guy scenario.

And I don't expect her to leave her boyfriend of 2.5 years for me. I'm guessing it will be pretty hard to compete with his in-person presence and the length of time they've been together over email. And besides, I wouldn't want her to leave him unless she's really unhappy or she really likes me that much more and is ready for something new. And I don't think it's at that point between them.

Skeptical hit on the most important point though about this whole thing that makes it different, and it's this: "You obviously like her and like to be around her. You don't find this in many people."

[smackie9]

You want this to move forward stop being a nice guy....just have a boner and lean into her say that you find her totally hot. Once she feels it, she will get very excited that you have the balls to express your desire for her. Probably something her BF has never done for her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't listen to the c*nts telling you to move on. Don't move on, try knowing her first. We girls do stupid things if we like a guy.

You girls do stupid things if you're stupid.