Need Advice about my Husband

[Prescious]

Um, no. Please point out the part where you said you got married IN INDIA. All you said is that "We are officially married in the Indian church and court system there." Which means you could've just got some under-the-table paperwork done. Which is totally something I could see happening there.

Anyways, I don't know why you're putting up with this drah-ma. He married someone else, regardless of whether it's the truth or it was forced or not, either HE doesn't see your marriage as legitimate or his family doesn't. Or maybe all of them. Who knows. This is sketchy and you need to get out. For god sake, don't bring him to the US. He'll probably just run off on you as soon as he has his citizenship and leave you in the lurch. If you think that's not a possibility, you need to wake up. Indians marry overseas Indians and that come over and divorce them later when they have citizenship.....seriously, happens more than you think.

All you said is that "We are officially married in the Indian church and court system there."

YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT? Seriously if you don't understand what officially married in an Indian church and COURT SYSTEM THERE that this means India then you have a illiterate problem of some sort. Even Starnique, the first reply understood what MARRIED IN THE CHURCH THERE AND COURT SYSTEM THERE MEANS. Wow since you have this problem then that means I have to literally spell it out for you like a pre-schooler. Ok bluesummer here goes: Yes AGAIN, I officially married my Indian husband in India. I took Air India a 14hour flight on April 21, 2013 and flew to India and on May 6, 2013, me and my INdian husband got married in a christian church in Chandigarh India on May 6, 2013 and then the next day on May 7, 2013, we got it registered in the Chandigarh court system in India. Chandigarh is a popular city in .India. We met 3 years ago online but last year 2012 was the first time I saw him in person. we went to Haryana India last year I was at his house. Now this year I saw him again stayed 5 months there IN INDIA with him. We visited Delhi, Bujurat, Chandigarh, Kullu and Manali in the mountains. GOT THAT. Excuse me sorry I just realized that I have to spell everything out for you. So anyway I Just got back actually, FROM INDIA. I have my marriage papers from the actual country India from the Indian court system IN INDIA I believe it was Sector 20. Got that now. you understand now. Seriously if you don't understand this, you really have a problem. I couldn't have explained this any better. Even a 5 year old would understand this

Now as to the part about him marrying another woman by force, yeah I believe you are right about that. Whether he was forced or not shouldn't make a difference to me at all. Yet he is angry at me for having an online fling because I was lonely. That's all I did. Anyway yes he married that woman behind my back while we were together in Jan 2011 and in Nov 2011 he confessed but in Feb 2012 he divorced her and now a year later we officially got married IN INDIA. Let me ask you a question. He told me when I apply that I should not put down that he was married before. Why is that? So I asked him for proof that he officially divorced her but he told me that there is no papers for that because he never registered his marriage but she did move out of his house for a year now. So I don't understand this. Now you have me thinking whether I should apply or not. at this point I don't think I will apply but if he wants me to live in India with him for a while and he changes his ways and stops talking about America then that is something I might entertain. What you think?

Also what do you mean by when you say you think he is a narcissis?

[michelle23]

I dont think i can really help you. Your very naive. You married a stranger, hes been lying to you for two years, lived a double life during that time with another woman and is obviously dysfunctional as hes spent so much time in and out of rehab but still your willing to give up your whole life for him and move to be with him? I think you are insane.

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[bluesummer]

Seriously if you don't understand this, you really have a problem. I couldn't have explained this any better. Even a 5 year old would understand this.

Now as to the part about him marrying another woman by force, yeah I believe you are right about that. Whether he was forced or not shouldn't make a difference to me at all. Yet he is angry at me for having an online fling because I was lonely. That's all I did. Anyway yes he married that woman behind my back while we were together in Jan 2011 and in Nov 2011 he confessed but in Feb 2012 he divorced her and now a year later we officially got married IN INDIA. Let me ask you a question. He told me when I apply that I should not put down that he was married before. Why is that? So I asked him for proof that he officially divorced her but he told me that there is no papers for that because he never registered his marriage but she did move out of his house for a year now. So I don't understand this. Now you have me thinking whether I should apply or not. at this point I don't think I will apply but if he wants me to live in India with him for a while and he changes his ways and stops talking about America then that is something I might entertain. What you think?

Sigh. Wow. Was that so necessary? Maybe I should explain something to you that YOU are not understanding: people fake marriage documents in courts and churches, and do things under the table. Especially in countries like India. If that seems improbable to you, I suggest you may need a tiny reality check. Having been on this site for years and heard stories that are so mind bogglingly shocking and stupid, I never just make assumptions anymore because it turns out there is a severe amount of dumabassery and illegal crap going down daily. Don't mistake me for an idiot, and kindly don't make the mistake of speaking to me in such a manner again, please.

Anyways, you should NOT apply for him. Asking you not to put his previous marriage down tells me he is hiding something and trying to get over to the US based on a lie. If he felt everything was on the up and up he would just disclose the truth fully and let the chips fall. You are on the hook for everything he says on that application, and if they find out something isn't legitimate and you knew about it, you could be guilty of committing immigration fraud. That is bad news. You need to tell him that the only way you would consider applying for him is if he is 100% honest about everything on his application, or else he is putting your life in jeopardy. Then your choice will be to move to India and live there with him for the rest of your lives, or leave him. Never, ever screw with immigration.

As my husband's sponsor I was on the hook for his monetary needs until he became a citizen, which took five years. That meant if he ever went on welfare or was collecting unemployment benefits, I WAS THE ONE required to pay the government back, because he wasn't entitled to those benefits as a sponsored permanent resident. These are all things you need to be aware of. Eyes wide open.

[Prescious]

Sigh. Wow. Was that so necessary? Maybe I should explain something to you that YOU are not understanding: people fake marriage documents in courts and churches, and do things under the table. Especially in countries like India. If that seems improbable to you, I suggest you may need a tiny reality check. Having been on this site for years and heard stories that are so mind bogglingly shocking and stupid, I never just make assumptions anymore because it turns out there is a severe amount of dumabassery and illegal crap going down daily. Don't mistake me for an idiot, and kindly don't make the mistake of speaking to me in such a manner again, please.

Anyways, you should NOT apply for him. Asking you not to put his previous marriage down tells me he is hiding something and trying to get over to the US based on a lie. If he felt everything was on the up and up he would just disclose the truth fully and let the chips fall. You are on the hook for everything he says on that application, and if they find out something isn't legitimate and you knew about it, you could be guilty of committing immigration fraud. That is bad news. You need to tell him that the only way you would consider applying for him is if he is 100% honest about everything on his application, or else he is putting your life in jeopardy. Then your choice will be to move to India and live there with him for the rest of your lives, or leave him. Never, ever screw with immigration.

As my husband's sponsor I was on the hook for his monetary needs until he became a citizen, which took five years. That meant if he ever went on welfare or was collecting unemployment benefits, I WAS THE ONE required to pay the government back, because he wasn't entitled to those benefits as a sponsored permanent resident. These are all things you need to be aware of. Eyes wide open.

Thanks for your advice but just wanna say that I didn't mean to call you illiterate but I just call things out as I see it. If I tell you I officially got married in the church and court system there that means exactly that, IN INDIA. IF I got married on the internet LOL, I would have told you we got married on the internet. You yourself said that people here tell you that crazy story which I have never heard of so why would I hide that? Especially when we are all here to learn from one another. And especially when we don't know each other which makes it easier for us to open up?

In anycase and moving forward I really do appreciate your advice and will consider it. I will not apply for him but will consider living there with him MAYBE or I was thinking maybe another country. Oh please excuse me I forgot to tell you that he has a criminal history of selling drugs in the past but told me that he has people in India that he paid to erase that from the computer system fo him. What you think?

[Starnique]

Move on. That's what I think.

I'm wondering if this is real at this point.

[Prescious]

Move on. That's what I think.

I'm wondering if this is real at this point.

Starnique this is all a real and a true story. I am highly intelligent educationally wise BUT I guess when it comes to love, I'm illiterate in that area. That's why you're probably thinking this is fake because you can't believe that I would put up with something like this. But I have and it's real. I fell in love but I think you're right I should move on.

I finally talked with him in rehab couple days ago and he was like hi baby and how is my son doing and how is my dad doing? Then I told him how angry I am that I can't get in touch with and he told me that he has no control over the people who run the rehab. That they don't even want him talking to anyone and if they do, they only allow once a month. Their brutal there he said that's why last year he tried to escape because they do inhumane methods of recovery there. Like Lebotomy and electro-schocks, beatings etc....So anyway I asked him if he wants a divorce he can have it because I think he is talking to another woman and he told me that he is not talking to anyone else. He can hardly even speak to me his wife much less anyone else. So then he asked me the bomb question, he asked me if I found somebody else and that' why I am asking for a divorce I told him no. So he begged me not to leave him because he has nobody else and that I am all he has. What should I do?

[michelle23]

Stop listening to his lies. Hes not in rehab. Jesus i feel like shaking you. Stop being so naive.

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[Starnique]

Precious

You can do so much better. You obviously are stable amd have a lot going for yourself. You are at the age where you should be enjoying life and being in real love at this time. We all have been naive at one point or another. I have been and I'll tell anybody, my ex put me thru a lot and I didn't deserve it but I stayed because I loved him and people dont understand so I'm not going to tell you how you should feel. Their your feelings and love makes most people do crazy things. Enough is enough. You could be missing out on mr. Right because your so called husband who is not even with you keeping you warm at night or comforting you. This is not the way marriage is supposed to be and you know in your heart this isn't right. Save yourself further heartache and get out of it. You're not old but you're not a young silly girl either so at this time, your no bullshit light should be going off.

[michelle23]

Hun your married to a stranger. When was the last time you even saw him in person? Kissed him? Cuddled him? Confided in him? Slept with him? You cant even get through to him on the internet or a phonecall. This is ridiculous. Its not a marriage. Married people see each other every day and share their lives together (or at least they are supposed to). You should be able to trust him completely. He should be your best friend. Anything less than that and your settling for second best or tenth..

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[Prescious]

Stop listening to his lies. Hes not in rehab. Jesus i feel like shaking you. Stop being so naive.

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What makes you think he's not in rehab? When I told him that his sister is pregnant. He said," she's what? He looked like he didn't know. In anycase please fill me in as to how you know or believe he is not in rehab?

[Starnique]

Did you read what I posted at all? That's what's important. You just totally disregarded that.

[somehelp4me]

What he told you about the rehab seems false to em as well. If you have the number for it call it and ask them yourself if what he told you is true, don't just assume it is.
People in rehab are allowed phone calls from spouses and family, unless he said you cause him problems and then your contact would be limited.
You should find out if all he tells you is true anyway you can if you find out he is lying, move on.

[michelle23]

I believe hes lying coz you cannot contact him. Plus the fact hes already lied to you about a number of other important issues. Liars lie, cheaters cheat, bigamists cant be trusted.. why do i need to spell this out to a well educated, mature woman? Why is your head so far up in the clouds?

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[4 ratties]

I don't care what u do with your life but please don't bring this loser to the US

[thebluepill]

No, this sounds very fishy. I think he is using you to get a citizenship and then he will leave you and bring his real wife here. I'm sorry.