Fall back guy?

[horsetheman]

So I have been single for 6 months after a 7 year marriage. I found someone on a dating app thing. We have a lot in common, and shes super cool. She told me that she was sort of seeing someone, and I was fine with that. I was willing to just be friends. After 2 weeks we decided to meet up, I was still under the impression it was just as friends. We had a good time and clicked very well. As we said our good-byes, she said something along the lines of it being a good first date. I didn't even realize it was a date. And then she hugged me, and held on longer than a friend would. In fact we stood in the cold, embracing for a good five minutes. We were just talking and stuff. She kept giving me openings to kiss her, but I was feeling awkward and confused, so I didnt. Then she started to walk to her car, turned around and came back. She kissed me, it was like a 5 second kiss, then she left. I didnt know what just happened. But since I first starting talking to her, I knew I easily could fall for her. And I really had to fight those emotions. But after our meeting, she made it obvious that she was willing to be more than friends. And I hadnt fallen in love or anything, but I really opened myself up to explore my emotions. The next day, we texted back and forth like normal, and no mentions of what happened. The day after, I finally asked her what are we. She said she didnt know. She was still in that other relationship, and she said she wasnt sure what she wanted out of that. And she told me that she wanted me and her to be friends for now, with a possibility for something later. I felt a little heart ache from that. At first it felt like she was saying the "possibility for something later" more to not completely hurt my feelings. The next day we talked, and I brought that stuff up again. I told her that I was willing to just be friends, but her kissing me gave me a different impression. But I was willing to forget that it ever happened, and be friends from now on. She said okay. Then I said, once I decide to be just friends, I wont ever have the ability to fall for her again. And that seemed to upset her. She said she didnt want that possibility to go away. And thats where I am now. I can be nothing but friends, and nothing more ever. Or, I could keep that door open, which will keep my emotions open. And more than likely feeling hurt. I could deal with a little pain, if I knew in a few weeks she would break it off with the other guy, and give me a chance. But I dont know if that will happen. Plus, I would feel like an ass if im sitting back, waiting for her relationship to fail. I dont think shes being a bad person or anything. I dont think she expected to fall for me, and doesnt know what to do. Plus, she doesnt know me as much as the other guy, since we have only been talking for a few weeks. So I'd be a risky choice. So, what do I do? Keep in mind, I've really started to fall for her, and shes pretty perfect for me. Id really hate to loose the chance for us. But I am already experiencing heart break over it all. Sorry so long, and please help!

[michelle23]

Stay away from her. Shes stringing two guys along, keeping her options open probably because she has a fear of being alone. Shed likely do the same thing to you if its not working out ie line up a plan B first before leaving you.

This is a red flag. Shes showing you she cant be trusted so take off your rose tinted glasses and realize what she is.

Whats this crap about wanting to be her "friend". Just cut contact with her and keep looking for someone better

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[horsetheman]

But she has only known me for two weeks, and in person once. Don't you think she just doesn't know me well enough to dump her partner for? And yes, I would be her friend. We have too much in common and get along too well to just throw it away. I'm capable of being just friends and shedding my emotions towards her. I'm not in love with her, its just a crush. There could be love if I allow myself to.

[michelle23]

She shouldnt be dating you at all if she has a partner. She should have dumped him 2weeks ago.

I dont believe in men and women being close friends. Theres always feelings involved

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[UKRomantic]

Why was she on a dating site talking to other guys if she's seeing someone else?

Be her friend if you can accept that's all you will be... But don't be the friend who is waiting for her to split with the other guy, because when it doesn't happen you will feel even worse than you do now.

[smiling100]

But she has only known me for two weeks, and in person once. Don't you think she just doesn't know me well enough to dump her partner for? And yes, I would be her friend. We have too much in common and get along too well to just throw it away. I'm capable of being just friends and shedding my emotions towards her. I'm not in love with her, its just a crush. There could be love if I allow myself to.

Sounds very risky & you could be setting yourself up to get hurt.


I've just been through a similar thing & it's not fun I can tell you when someone has the power to play with your emotions.

If I ever get myself in a situation like that again, i'm not going there.

[TablesandChairs]

She's playing games. Why was she even on a dating app if she's in a relationship? People usually break up with their partners before seeing what's out there...not the other way around. Unless of course, she's an asshole. Don't be fooled, the internet is probably rife with people like this. In fact, a friend of mine dated a woman for a month before finding out she was married...but she spun it around to say they were 'kind of separated'. Yeah, sure. He ditched her then and there...you'd probably be wise to do the same.

[basilandthyme]

I don't know how everyone is translating her "sort of seeing someone" into her being in a relationship. Sounds to me like she's just seeing him casually, sees a bit of potential but hasn't committed yet.

My advice is to tell her to make up her mind and call you when/if she's freely available. And make sure she knows you won't be waiting around for her.

[horsetheman]

UPDATE: Something I should have mentioned is the fact she was married for 6 years, and has been divorced for 6 months. The real issue I have learned is that she was scared of a serious relationship, and falling in love. The other guy in the picture was simply a casual thing. She knew what it was, and that it wasn't going any further. Her dilemma wasn't between two people, but more if she was ready for a real relationship. It was my own misunderstanding of the situation. She even had ended things with the other guy a few days after our first meeting. She has now decided to try things with me, and we have spent every possible hour together since. I'm pretty happy with the way things are. I can tell when I look into her eyes, that she truly has feelings for me. Thanks for the feedback. I just didnt know the whole story at the time.

[smiling100]

UPDATE: Something I should have mentioned is the fact she was married for 6 years, and has been divorced for 6 months. The real issue I have learned is that she was scared of a serious relationship, and falling in love. The other guy in the picture was simply a casual thing. She knew what it was, and that it wasn't going any further. Her dilemma wasn't between two people, but more if she was ready for a real relationship. It was my own misunderstanding of the situation. She even had ended things with the other guy a few days after our first meeting. She has now decided to try things with me, and we have spent every possible hour together since. I'm pretty happy with the way things are. I can tell when I look into her eyes, that she truly has feelings for me. Thanks for the feedback. I just didnt know the whole story at the time.

My advice is be cautious.

She might be telling you she is ready though only being out of a 6 year relationship for 6 months says to me it's to soon.

I heard all the same things. "I'm loving every minute of getting to know you" "love where this is going" "im so attracted to you" buying me clothes etc etc. I thought I was on a winner.

Then bam within the space of a few hours she turned cold & strung me along for a few weeks & dumped me. Actually told me she resented what had happened as it was to soon & she needed to be single to heal? Talk about a head cave in.

I just hope she sticks to her word & doesn't decide to go & date someone else after me & do the same to them.


Time will give you the answer though sounds like you have rolled the dice.


Good luck