The guy I like is a virgin and I'm not...

[equestrienne]

I have been getting to know this guy and I have developed a huge crush on him. I decided to put myself out there and I asked him out last Friday. He agreed to go out. Later on, I was texting him trying to make plans and I kept getting answers like "I don't know" and "I don't care". Finally, he texted me and said, "I'm really sorry, but I don't want to go out". When I asked why he didn't just tell me that earlier, he said, "I don't know, I should have". He is going away for a little while in January and I asked if it was because he was going away or if he just wasn't interested in me. He said "both".

I was really confused, because he told a mutual friend (who was also really encouraging me to pursue him) that he was interested in me.

Then I found out from the same mutual friend that this guy is still a virgin and has never even been on a date. I can't wrap my head around why because he's a good-looking guy and he has an awesome personality. He's also not religious, so that's not a factor. The mutual friend told me that when he mentioned to this guy that I might ask him out, the guy got really nervous (could not get the friend to elaborate on that).

I'm not a virgin, although I'm not extremely experienced either. I have been in a couple of long-term relationships and was even engaged once. The guy is aware of that.

So... is it possible that he is interested but he's insecure because he's inexperienced and he knows I'm not? And what can I do to persuade him that I don't care about that? Especially since he doesn't know that I know he's inexperienced either because he's never said anything about it to me.

[michelle23]

Something doesnt add up here.. is it possible that he could be gay? Not coz hes a virgin but coz of how nervous and weird hes being

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[equestrienne]

Michelle, I guess anything's a possibility but I have no reason to think so. Plus he supposedly said he was interested in me.

[michelle23]

Maybe you should just ask him face to face if he wants to go out with you. Youve got nothing to lose

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[basilandthyme]

Could it be that he's a virgin and hasn't had relationships because he's not interested at present? Perhaps he has other things going on in his life which are more important to him...such as work or education.

I doubt he's avoiding you because of being nervous - I reckon it's got more to do with not wanting a relationship.

[Ugly_Swan]

But...like...the only source you have of him liking you is a mutual friend....maybe they misinterpreted his feelings and told you he likes you--or he told them he does even though he doesn't.

Also, you asked him out first--so you kinda (yes, gender roles are relevant) took on a more masculine role. And you kept asking questions. Maybe he interpreted it as desperation or aggression or promiscuity (studies show that when a woman is the initiator, the guy sees her as more "easy"), etc. So when you kept being aggressive he eventually lost interest,

Thing is--I don't know how the text exchanges went down, so of course I might be mistaken.

And a question....how old are you two??????? If he is a virgin while you have been engaged already....are you older than him...? Because, yes, age matters.

[4 ratties]

How old is he? If he's older and a Virgin and he's blowing u off.. Then he's probably a serial killer

[basilandthyme]

(studies show that when a woman is the initiator, the guy sees her as more "easy"

What studies would you be referring to?

[TablesandChairs]

Don't rely on second hand information from friends - he was pretty clear in his text messages. I would have dropped it then/there. No point playing guessing games when he's already given you an answer.

[michelle23]

What studies would you be referring to?

Thats not true. Only players think thay way abd they think any girl stupid enough to sleep with them is easy.

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[UKRomantic]

He's a virgin, therefore not the type of guy to just date people and hopefully get in their pants.

He will be low on confidence which won't help when it comes to dating etc. You will be better to just take it slowly with him and see what happens. Do you see each other when out in a group or anything?

[HeartIsAching]

What studies would you be referring to?

Yep... I'd like a source for a peer-reviewed paper.

[Ugly_Swan]

Yep... I'd like a source for a peer-reviewed paper.

Bam!



Though I couldn't give one, eh?

And this isn't even the study I remember, ergo there's more than one.

See? "Sexually active/casual dater."

[basilandthyme]

And yet being assertive when I found a guy I liked has worked well for me in the past. I guess real life is different to judging videos.

Any peer reviewed studies pertaining to real life?

[RobertWQ]

Hehe @ whipping out the peer review study upon request.


Speaking personally, sometimes a forward chick is a good match for a guy who isn't always... but I'm not sure what is going on with this guy.