Not Sure if I Lost Him...

[Exeter19]

good news for you and dave, rowen. bet from here on out your guys relationship will be stronger. nice pic of you too also.

[Rowen]

My apologies for the late reply; I was at my parents' house for the entire weekend without my laptop. Not to dig up an old thread, but in answer to your question, Woody, what I meant was that I'm hoping to win against the insecurities within me and thus drive them away. I feel as though it's a lot easier with Dave's support, but it's under no circumstance for him.

You're correct that I've deemed myself unworthy of him, though. I was speaking with HIA about this today, in fact. The way you have told me and he has told me, I think I'm starting to grasp ideas on how to keep reminding myself I am worthy of him. Part of it is not putting myself down anymore. But as for why I thought I wasn't worthy of it is probably the fact that he could have chosen any guy who was better looking and smarter and funnier and just more fun all around. When I was younger, I was never really the guy that fit into social situations, and I'm still not. I'd like to be there, and I'm trying as all hell... But all along, I guess I thought that I wasn't kind enough or fun enough or could make someone happy. It all sort of roots from childhood, I think, because my one grandfather always put me down and I just sort of grew to believe it.
As for accepting the fact that I am a lovable guy and deserve to both love and be loved, you're absolutely right. I need to not question it and simply believe it by telling myself everyday that I am. This, I think, will eventually sink in. Thank you.

And thank you, Exeter. I'm certainly hoping so. Tonight, he told me he needs to think about some things as far as what he wants, but I'm going to reassure myself that our love is strong enough for everything to work out.

[toknow]

Rowen, something doesn't seem right to me here, I hope that's not the case.

The problem I see with the way he reacted is that his impatience shows lack of love. His reaction to what you did was way too disproportionate.

[sajib]

I think being strong can really help you because as far as I see, he still loves you but he might need some time alone and figure out what is good for him. Trust me he will come back as long as you stop begging and following him or make any effort to contact him. You need to play a mind game if you want him back.

[Rowen]

Rowen, something doesn't seem right to me here, I hope that's not the case.

The problem I see with the way he reacted is that his impatience shows lack of love. His reaction to what you did was way too disproportionate.

I'm not so sure it was a sudden lack of patience. See, with him, it was a case where he was very patient in the beginning and through the middle with my insecurities. He kept assuring me over and over that I need not be sorry, that it's okay. But he gets a bit irritable when he's sick, and that combined with his patience starting to run thin. I don't really think there's a lack of love- just that he let those two factors mix when he knows they shouldn't have.... Does that make sense?

And sajib, I'm really not into mind games with him. He isn't into them either. But I think that giving him some space will help him work it out, and I'll continue to act as though we're alright. I admit his feelings this week that he needs to think are due to poor actions on my part last week after we made up. But he knows now where I stand and what I want in terms of us. He only wants to be fair to me and know for sure he wants the same. :S