need opinion on a situation.

[gantgui]

m a male(19) She is a girl (18)This girl i know has been crushing on me for the past two years. I wasn't really interested until recently.Problem is i thought she's currently seeing someone. I went up to her an asked her if it that guy was her boyfriend. She answered ''its leading to that''. I than said'' okay nevermind then''. She then asks me why i wanted to know. I answer''I would of asked you out''. She than tells me she is still aloud to do stuff with me since she is only ''seeing him''. I tell her that i am not the type of guy who fights over a girl and that she has to choose to either stop seeing him or else i am not going to compete vs that guy. She disagreed to stop seeing him but said we could still chill though...... What does that really mean..

[michelle23]

Dont waste your time. Shes not fully available. If she talks to you again tell her your not looking for a new friend you want a relationship with a single girl. Shes not single so your not interested

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[gantgui]

Dont waste your time. Shes not fully available. If she talks to you again tell her your not looking for a new friend you want a relationship with a single girl. Shes not single so your not interested

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The thing is s he is still single. They are seeing each other and she said that just because she is seeing him does't mean she cant hang out with me

[michelle23]

What does seeing someone mean? It means something different to everyone. Is she sleeping with this guy? If yes is that ok with you?

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[gantgui]

What does seeing someone mean? It means something different to everyone. Is she sleeping with this guy? If yes is that ok with you?

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Exactly. She might be sleeping with him but they are not in a relationship...Im just wondering if she wants to weigh out her options( which i will definitely not embark on) or that shes scared i will use her..

[michelle23]

Look all you can do is be honest. I personally wouldnt go near someone whos involved with someone else. I wana be all his and he all mine. You need to decide whats acceptable to you and what isnt. For me, too messy, too much drama, too much confusion, too compicated and i dont have time for that bollox. Maybe just be honest with her "i really like you, wana take you out etc but also want to be exclusive" (if thats what you want)

No point pretending your happy to go along with whatever shes offering if your not. You set your standards and expectations and find a woman that matches it. Dont change yourself or your boundaries for someone else.

Plus women like assertive men. It may work in your favour to give her a little ultimatum

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[JinVA]

I definitely would avoid especially if you don't know the other guy's point of view on their situation. She may say or think it is casual between them, but he may have a different idea and that could lead to a BAD situation for all of you.

My opinion and advice, stay clear of it altogether.

[Heart Healer]

Hello gantgui,


Frankly speaking, she is using you. Don't waste time on a girl who is never about you. She just loves to flatter around with boys showing the world how important she is and how desperately you guys are completing to get her.

Also, you don't know how that guy feel for her. It would be heart breaking for him to know that you are also involved with her. Better stay away.

[Ugly_Swan]

lollol you actually told her " i am not the type of guy who fights over a girl and that she has to choose to either stop seeing him or else i am not going to compete vs that guy"??

Who do you think you are to imagine that she would give up a guy that might give her commitment for some schmo that is not even willing to compete for her?

With that attitude, she should ignore you! You're not some King to make demands like that. It also sounds feminine. A man fights/competes. A woman get chased. Not other way around. Turn-off.

Lol ok so I ranted a bit here--but my point is that this might be her reaction--so don't expect her to give him up for you. You don't deserve that from her. That guy was there first--so either compete or walk away.

She is not officially in a relationship so she is allowed to see other guys (rightfully so)--and maybe if it's true that she was crushing on you (as you say), you may have a shot with her. Just don't expect her to put you first right now.

However, if you only wanna do her then leave her -- please walk away instead of accidentally causing problems between her and the guy that might actually make her happy.

[Ugly_Swan]

Hello gantgui,


Frankly speaking, she is using you. Don't waste time on a girl who is never about you. She just loves to flatter around with boys showing the world how important she is and how desperately you guys are completing to get her.

Also, you don't know how that guy feel for her. It would be heart breaking for him to know that you are also involved with her. Better stay away.

How is she using him? He said she had a crush on him. If anything--this guy might easily use HER.

[Heart Healer]

How is she using him? He said she had a crush on him. If anything--this guy might easily use HER.

Hi,

Well consider it like this. She has no problems with him using her. She is just inviting him to be with her, perhaps giving him all the opportunity to do anything with her and later she might emotionally blackmail him to be with her. You never know what's going in her mind. Also, using is not just about using someone physically. Hanging out with two guys, going to night outs, parties, movies having fun, enjoying life while the two of them pay the bill. She can very well use him on financial terms.
She has a crush on him for past 2 years. Now, when the guy is asking her out, it's like her dream coming true. Then, what's the point of hanging out with someone else too? To me, it makes no sense !

[Ugly_Swan]

Hi,

Well consider it like this. She has no problems with him using her. She is just inviting him to be with her, perhaps giving him all the opportunity to do anything with her and later she might emotionally blackmail him to be with her. You never know what's going in her mind. Also, using is not just about using someone physically. Hanging out with two guys, going to night outs, parties, movies having fun, enjoying life while the two of them pay the bill. She can very well use him on financial terms.
She has a crush on him for past 2 years. Now, when the guy is asking her out, it's like her dream coming true. Then, what's the point of hanging out with someone else too? To me, it makes no sense !

lol! Ok, I see what you mean.

I guess the reason I didn't see it that way (and yes, know using can happen in different ways) is because of this:
1. I thought chilling etc. meant that they'll both pay for themselves or not do anything extravagant
2. It's not like this guy really wants much with her (I thought)--he just wanted to ask her out and THEN see if he wants to take it further--so the initial stage is in no way one where either party uses the other, simply because it's a test run, without anyone being led on.

[Heart Healer]

lol! Ok, I see what you mean.

I guess the reason I didn't see it that way (and yes, know using can happen in different ways) is because of this:
1. I thought chilling etc. meant that they'll both pay for themselves or not do anything extravagant
2. It's not like this guy really wants much with her (I thought)--he just wanted to ask her out and THEN see if he wants to take it further--so the initial stage is in no way one where either party uses the other, simply because it's a test run, without anyone being led on.

See, you can put it anyway. How things will develop depends on how the three of them carry forward with their friendship/relationship. Also, we are unknown to the other guy's feelings for her. He might have proposed her and which is why she said, " it's leading to that" when asked if he is her boyfriend. So, that guy might feel really bad when he comes to know what's happening. Here, we are giving the girl a choice to make among two guys and giving the guys an opportunity to try their luck on her by impressing her through various means. This is no funny business. It involves emotions and feelings.

[Ugly_Swan]

See, you can put it anyway. How things will develop depends on how the three of them carry forward with their friendship/relationship. Also, we are unknown to the other guy's feelings for her. He might have proposed her and which is why she said, " it's leading to that" when asked if he is her boyfriend. So, that guy might feel really bad when he comes to know what's happening. Here, we are giving the girl a choice to make among two guys and giving the guys an opportunity to try their luck on her by impressing her through various means. This is no funny business. It involves emotions and feelings.

But he is not yet her boyfriend. she is therefore free. if she is monogamous while they are not officially monogamous....well then she is stupid because she is committing to a guy that doesn't want her exclusively to her own detriment. I don't think he proposed it or anything -- "leading up to it" just implies that she expects him to ask for exclusivity sometime soon.

I guess for me it comes down to the fact that guys can't really be used emotionally. It's girls that get attached. Guys are just "whatever" about girls and discard them easily. She is a girl so she has the right to be fickle etc. to protect her own interests. Maybe it's the part of me that hates men that's coming out lol

But regardless I just don't think she owes anything to the "potential boyfriend" or anyone.

[Heart Healer]

But he is not yet her boyfriend. she is therefore free. if she is monogamous while they are not officially monogamous....well then she is stupid because she is committing to a guy that doesn't want her exclusively to her own detriment. I don't think he proposed it or anything -- "leading up to it" just implies that she expects him to ask for exclusivity sometime soon.

I guess for me it comes down to the fact that guys can't really be used emotionally. It's girls that get attached. Guys are just "whatever" about girls and discard them easily. She is a girl so she has the right to be fickle etc. to protect her own interests. Maybe it's the part of me that hates men that's coming out lol

But regardless I just don't think she owes anything to the "potential boyfriend" or anyone.

I won't question you on your motives and reasons. I just believe, neither all girls nor all guys are good. We cannot generalize things up on the whole. Somewhere girls get attached, somewhere guys do.

For me, I feel, this particular girl is not " stupid". She is clever to have best of both worlds around her and make a choice between which among them is still a better option. I, personally, am a person who believes in having a permanent alliance than a temporary, time-pass one. Here, I am not able to see any seriousness. She is "working" on making the other guy as her boyfriend, while hanging out, dating or whatever with gantgui. She should better keep it clear.

" Leading up to it " clearly shows that somewhere in her mind she is directing things towards making the other guy her boyfriend. If he is not her "potential boyfriend", she could have said a simple "no". It's like, she wants to convey, " Hey look, try on me fast, impress me or there is someone else waiting in the queue and I am already considering his proposal".


Anyways let gantgui decide on things.