Why white guys never approach me?

[Sumaia]

Hi guys!

So, I am this Saudi Arabian girl who moved to the US for school. I have been here for about 2 years now. I attend college -graduate school. I just turned 24. I am going to finish school soon, I am doing a law degree right now.

I am attracted to good-looking and smart white guys. He doesn't have to be channing-tatum kind of good looking, but average good looking. You know what I mean, and there are plenty of them.

Anyway, those white guys that I am attracted to never approach me! They just look at me and when I look at them, they turn their heads away very fast. Also, I noticed that when I talk with them for class stuff they don't make eye contact.

I am not ugly, I know I am attractive. I am very fit, tan skin, black hair, black big eyes. I speak perfect English- with a slight foreign accent. I wear brands and take care of my looks. I also wear nice perfumes and very little makeup (maybe I eyeliner and mascara mostly) I am not gorgeous, but I am good looking. The problem is that only black and Hispanic guys flirt with me. Never white guys! White guys only flirt with me when they are drunk at a bar of a nightclub, and I don't go there often because I don't like theses places so much. Hispanic and black guys seem very confident around me and they make eye contact and flirt with me at the library or at the hallways -in school etc. But never white guys. Actually, sometimes I feel like white guys are avoiding me. Like for example, they would keep it very short when they talk to me for something regarding school or something.

What is up with white guys? Do I have to approach them myself?


And if you are thinking that I wear hijab or something, no I don't wear it. I wear western clothing, and people assume I am from Spain all the time.




Any advice? Is there something wrong with me?! Is it a cultural thing? Like would they be afraid of my culture and religion and that sort of thing?

[toby_larone]

Are there other women from gulf states/middle east in your school as well? Do they experience the same problems? Or is it just you? If it is just you then it might have nothing to do with the Saudi thing but something else that you haven't noticed.

Maybe it is just because you are from a completely different culture? Maybe they feel intimidated by the idea that they don't know what to say, when really you just want to talk/flirt like any other girl? Hell, maybe the're all just have an underlying racial dislike towards someone from the middle east?

In conclusion: I guess there are many possibilities! Just keep looking

[Sumaia]

Toby,
There are not many middle eastern women in my school. Maybe very few. I guess I am the only one at my department.
Thanks!
And I am tired of looking

[RobertWQ]

What part of the country are you in?

[Sumaia]

New Jersey! Does that matter? Please advise!

[basilandthyme]

I think a large amount of attraction is based on the amount and type of exposure we have to another culture.

From my own experience; I'm now mid 40's but I grew up went to school in a very white, middle class enclave. And that's the type of man I was attracted to. However, as I've gotten to know people from other cultures, their features become more normalised to me and I start to see attraction where I didn't previously.

I think also the media has a bit to do with it. The more we see people from other cultures on film, the more their looks become normalised. For example, Naveen Andrews is really hot and his looks broadened my mind to appreciate other men who have Middle Eastern looks. Likewise Steven Yuen (The Walking Dead) has really opened my eyes to Asian men.

I think that getting to know the guys would be a great start for you. Let them know you as a person instead of judging you by your appearance.

[HeartIsAching]

What part of the country are you in?

That's a very good question. First one that sprang to my mind as well.

[Sumaia]

basilandthyme:

I agree with your theory. I wasn't attracted to white men before I came to the US. I thought they were less masculine compared to Arabian guys. But I was wrong!! They are very masculine and sexy The more I see of them, the more I am attracted. Well, I try to get to know them, but the problem is that I usually don't approach the guys myself..

[somehelp4me]

Maybe you come off more mature than the guys at your school, or more cultured. Sounds like they are intimidated by you.

[Sumaia]

somehelp4me,

How can I be less intimidating? Thanks

[Starnique]

Maybe you not as hot as you think you are. Maybe they just not interested. If you ran across one that was really into you, he would approach you with no problem.

Real men don't get intimidated, they go after they want. They're born.chasers so now you know. Do you really want a guy to scared to talk to you anyway?

[Sumaia]

Starnique,
You might be partially right, but I doubt that all of them feel this way. I know how I look. If anything, I always underestimate my looks
I started to think that my problem might be the way I bring myself, but that would be hard to evaluate and change.
I don't believe in the term "real men" or "real women".

[RobertWQ]

I would be interested in meeting an attractive Saudi Arabian girl, but I suppose it's possible I might feel like there is a cultural gap ... like she has her own thing going with her own dating circle and so forth. What I would recommend is when you see a guy you like, go ask him some mundane question (like, where is xyz room?). I actually had a middle eastern woman ask me that question at my school and although I think she really wanted to know the answer, it is a good way to break the ice without seeming too forward as I know girls like to avoid that for the most part. Simple!

[Sumaia]

Thanks Robert!
OK. If you met me, what are the things that would make the gap gets minimized between us? What would you like me to do for you to feel less distant? I need to know because I don't know the white male point of view.

You see, with the other races, they seem like they like the fact that I am middle eastern and supposedly mysterious- so silly I know but this is the way they say it, gosh I am so embarrassed right now to have to recall these silly details

[RobertWQ]

Well, it depends on what you're looking for in a guy. I mean, I like other cultures, so your background would be a plus for me, mystery and all. Other "white guys" might be more narrow in their outlook though, and want a more American girl. So it's kind of up to you how to behave. Do you want to find a guy who will find your cultural background intriguing, or do you want a more typical American dude who gets a lot of his understanding of other cultures from Hollywood films? Since you're in college, hopefully there will be guys there who are curious to meet women from other cultures.

In general though, I think chatting with me would suffice to make things feel less distant. Once I felt like we could relate on a conversational level and I became attracted to you, I would probably not be thinking as much about that initial but subtle cultural wall. A little chatting and laughter and perhaps relating over mutual commonalities (which you have since you go to the same school) goes a long way to breaking the ice.