Having trouble accepting it's over:-(

[selfishguy]

S was my best friend for years. We hung out all the time, saw each other once a week at least, and I never felt so connected to anyone in my life, girlfriends aside.

I had a bit of a crush on her, but I have a girlfriend who I care deeply about, and she was my romantic future. I thought she would be one of my best friends though, once my crush faded.

However, a guy messed her and one of my other close friends around. I told him to go **** himself, and although at the time she was happy with it, she actually still liked him and decided a few months later I was a dick.

She then sent me this email.

Hi,

I know you're finding this change in our friendship hard. I'm sorry but I'm going to make it harder and tell you some things that will be tough to hear, but I clearly need to say them. Hopefully they will help you understand a little more about what's happened to us.

I have asked for space. I actually feel quite angry that you have chosen not to respect this or listen to me and you are trying to push me back into your life again because this is what you want. You haven't even attempted to reference the fact that I have asked for space, you have just bounded back into how things have always been because you have decided that you've had enough time apart without caring what I have told you I need. I know you want us to go back to how we were but I'm afraid that's not going to happen.

There have been a number of issues around our friendship which have been playing on my mind for a while and I've finally got to the point where I need space. I've always found you to push me - far far far too hard - to spend as much time with you as possible. I've struggled with this. Whenever I've said no (for whatever reason), you've come back with more suggestions, I've said no and again - more suggestions flood me. It's absolutely suffocating and selfish. I don't want you to think that I've hated spending time with you, you're a lovely guy who's been a great friend to me over the years but you've got to learn not to push people so hard, ironically it actually pushes them away. People will spend time with you because they want to - you're fun guy - not because you've forced them finally accept an invitation to something just to stop the pushing. I'm sorry to say that on occasion (not every time) I've done this and have felt manipulated into doing what you wanted me to do.

It also didn't register at the time (Dave arrived and immediately told me, but I didn't take it in), but I realise now that you purposefully told me a different time to meet you in Richmond to the time you told Dave and Jeff in order to spend time alone with me. This upsets me hugely as it's such a manipulative thing to do. It's got me wondering how many other times and situations have you tried to turn to your advantage in this way. I don't in any way think you've manipulated every situation but I do think you become more desperate to see me when I've not had as much time to see you and I find that exhausting and, honestly, annoying.

The Barry situation was the moment when I realised we really needed time apart. You reacted differently when it was me to when it was Anne and I understood more than ever why you've always been so keen on me spending as much time with you as possible. I know you said that you were just as annoyed and sent him a mail when it was Anne but I'm sorry to say that I don't believe that. I'm not going to get into it because I've only got your word to go on but I think it's important you know that I believe you reacted differently when it was me.

I'm sorry if the above comes across as harsh, but I don't think you have been able to accept this change and so I feel it important you understand in more depth how I feel. It doesn't change the fact that I think you're a great guy who's been a hugely important part of my life for many years. Please respect that I need this space and try to move on. Don't think I've hated spending time with you, I wouldn't have spent time with you if it wasn't fun, it's just come to a point where I need to pull away from this friendship.

S x

It broke my heart. She won’t take my calls or answer my emails. I wish I handled it better and played it cooler. I feel she was my soulmate and I ruined it.

[Wakeup]

Oh fur fk sakes. She told you she needed space and the first thing you do is bombbard her yet again with calls and texts. Get over her for goodness sakes. You can't form a decent relationship of the romantic kind when you have an opposite sex freind in your life that you're obsessing over. You are a fake. You fake being in her life as a platonic friend when you are crushing on her. You fake being in a romantic relatioship with your gf because you actually are obsessed and in love with your friend who does not love you in that same manner.

Sorry to be blunt but get the fk over your obsession. Stop all attempts at contact because now, after her very candid email to you, you STILL are trying to push yourself on her. You have cemented it in her head that she needs to distance herself from your obsession of her.

If you can't get over her on your own, then do get yourself some councelling to help you come to terms with what she's told you. Your fixation of her is unhealthy and it stagnates you from becoming truly vulnerable to a woman that actually wants you romantically. Not too many woman would be happy with you hanging out and doing date like activities one-on-one with this girl so do the mental work you need to do to get to the stage of indifference to your "friend."

There are books and web pages that will help you as well... Just google "how to get over a breakup" because in your mind, this is exactly what has happened to you.

Sorry you're hurting but you're best off not having anything further to do with her so you can get on with your true romantic life without this pink elephand known as your "friend" getting in between you and any new prospective love interest.

[Boisdevie]

Yeah, life is shite. Now what was your question again or did you come here to whinge?

[selfishguy]

Oh sorry, I had no idea I was in the wrong for having one of the best friends send me a shit email like that, rather than talk to me.

Anyway, I will leave her alone. If she is such a callous bitch that she can treat someone who's been a close friend for over 5 years like this and find it easy to do so, then she isn't worth it.

[selfishguy]

Oh sorry, I had no idea I was in the wrong for having one of the best friends send me a shit email like that, rather than talk to me.

Anyway, I will leave her alone. If she is such a callous bitch that she can treat someone who's been a close friend for over 5 years like this and find it easy to do so, then she isn't worth it.

Like i sent her this last week, and she completely ignored it. She won;t even give me a bloody chance to fix things.

'Hello

This email may be a mistake, but I would really like to talk to you about some of the things that have happened between us and try to make amends with you if that is at all possible.


I am not trying to put it back exactly how it was before though, as i acknowledge that is not what you want. However, i really didn't like how we left things. I miss our friendship and would like to try and make things better between us if at all possible.


I've several free evenings over the new few weeks if you want to meet up/talk things through on the phone.'

[basilandthyme]

Oh sorry, I had no idea I was in the wrong for having one of the best friends send me a shit email like that, rather than talk to me.

In her letter she writes about how she did talk with you needing space with you but was continually frustrated because you didn't back off. Mate, it sounds like she's tried repeatedly to communicate with you but you didn't listen. She's now realised that her words are meaningless to you and has felt that stopping all contact is the only way to get space from you.

[basilandthyme]

Like i sent her this last week, and she completely ignored it. She won;t even give me a bloody chance to fix things.

'Hello

This email may be a mistake, but I would really like to talk to you about some of the things that have happened between us and try to make amends with you if that is at all possible.


I am not trying to put it back exactly how it was before though, as i acknowledge that is not what you want. However, i really didn't like how we left things. I miss our friendship and would like to try and make things better between us if at all possible.


I've several free evenings over the new few weeks if you want to meet up/talk things through on the phone.'

following on from what I just wrote, I will say that this email is "too little, too late". She needed to hear you acknowledge her need for space and a much more casual friendship a long time ago. Had you given her a more casual friendship when she started asking for it, she wouldn't have needed to cut you off now.

Her act of ending a friendship with you was nothing short of an act of desperation, driven by you ignoring her previous pleas for space.

[selfishguy]

following on from what I just wrote, I will say that this email is "too little, too late". She needed to hear you acknowledge her need for space and a much more casual friendship a long time ago. Had you given her a more casual friendship when she started asking for it, she wouldn't have needed to cut you off now.

Her act of ending a friendship with you was nothing short of an act of desperation, driven by you ignoring her previous pleas for space.

She asked once for a little bit of space. Her email above was her over-reaction to an email telling her my birthday plans, which she had already agreed to come to.

To describe it as 'previous pleas' is very much an overstatement.

[Constantinesbr]

When they say they need space, it means it is over and they hooked up with another man/men. Do not contact her, it is over, they are all player types.
Dont seek the blame in you.

[selfishguy]

When they say they need space, it means it is over and they hooked up with another man/men. Do not contact her, it is over, they are all player types.
Dont seek the blame in you.

you're right. I have her address from ages ago, i'll post back all her old birthday and X-mas presents, and i'll leave her be from now on.

[vashti]

Stop being such a whiny bitch. She actually sounds like a nice girl who was PUSHED into having to write you that letter. Learn to take some responsibility for the way others perceive you.

[selfishguy]

Stop being such a whiny bitch. She actually sounds like a nice girl who was PUSHED into having to write you that letter. Learn to take some responsibility for the way others perceive you.

She had a choice. She's the one being a whiny bitch. I don't see how an email can push someone to ****ing up a 4+ year friendship.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah dude, you're a whiny, melodramatic pussy.

[UKRomantic]

Don't post anything back to her, that's going to make the situation 100000x worse.

Just leave it, move on. Delete her number, fro many social networking sites and be done with it.

No more calls, no more texts and no more emails. If she want's to talk to you once she's had enough space then she will contact you.

You have a gf, right? Go show her as much attention as you seem to be showing your "Friend".

[Constantinesbr]

Man my ex broke up thru skype, hah . When a person ends it like that , they got something to hide. It is the easy way out.
Sleep with them and dont call them, it is what they deserve.