Called the Police

[HeartIsAching]

Vince - computers don't come with startup disks anymore. They come with the OS pre-installed, and you're supposed to do a system backup immediately after getting it.

[VincenzoG91]

Vince - computers don't come with startup disks anymore. They come with the OS pre-installed, and you're supposed to do a system backup immediately after getting it.

I appreciate that tip. I have learned a lot about computers in the last 24 hours or so.

Say, does anybody here need a 2009 Mac desktop? Mavericks OS, 8 Gb of RAM, 1 Terabyte HD, Office 2011, CS 6, 27" monitor, wireless keyboard and mouse with fresh batteries, all in excellent condition. Boots up in 32 seconds. $1,200 plus shipping. Or if you live within a few hours drive of the Twin Cities, I will deliver it personally.

[VincenzoG91]

She has either lost her mind or is playing a weird game with me. Now she wants me to go window shopping for used macs in local stores. Even though she practically had a meltdown over this really nice Mac that I already bought her. But then she tells me that she really just wants her old computer back, which was a pc laptop and not even remotely similar to a Mac desktop.

Unfortunately for her, I have had enough of her irrational and inconsistent demands for a replacement computer. I'm selling this Mac and then giving her the cash, but only on the condition that she promises to never call me again. It's sad that she is now failing Quantitative Analysis, but then maybe she shouldn't have picked such a challenging university to attend. It doesn't matter anyway, because I can tell that this relationship is over and she can solve her own problems. I owe her a computer and nothing more.

[HeartIsAching]

I'm voting for "weird game".

Actually, it's not all that weird. It's an attempt by a controlling person to gain some sort of leverage now that they've lost the leverage they had. It's common. The whole thing with the meltdown over the computer was the set-up, and now the conciliatory attitude and wish to spend personal time to fix it is the bait. I'd bet quite a bit it's to try and draw you back in so you can complete her Quantitative Analysis course for her.

You're on the right track.

[dickriculous]

You actually pinpointed the reason for this apparent double standard - she is not superior in physical strength compared to her (now ex) partner, whereas a man that acts analogously is (in the vast majority of cases). A man that acts like she did is actually taking advantage of his superior physical strength and of his male privileges. This is what makes him, in general, way less likeable or relatable to than a woman in a similar situation.

This reasoning totally justifies the double standard to most people - especially women and white knights - but it doesn't justify it to me, and I consider the fact that it justifies the double standard to most people to be a problem.

3 reasons why I'm not buying it.

1) Men have to work in order to get laid while women only have to open their legs. That's a female privilege to be taken advantage of, but it doesn't stop slut shaming from being wrong. Although it might somewhat explain the dynamic strictly in terms of your likeability/relatability argument. Still, it's not enough on it's own to justify the double standard.

2) To argue that a man typically being stronger than a woman is the real reason for the double standard is to argue that it is not an issue of gender favoritism, but one of a perceived difference in strength. And if there were any truth to that then I would get the exact same social and legal backlash for hitting a guy who was 50-80 lbs smaller than me and had no idea how to defend himself as I would get for hitting a woman. We all know that this is not the case. We all know that it's not even close.

3) You say the man acting like her in an identical situation is taking advantage of superior physical strength - a male privilege. What about what a woman is taking advantage of? Women who act this way do so knowing damn well that the authorities are likely to take her side should the man attempt to defend himself, and in many cases even if the man makes no effort to defend himself. Had Vincenzo done much of anything to restrain her - let alone be as violent with her as she's been with him at times - he could've ended up going to jail and had the "domestic violence" label attached to his name for life...a tad more dire of a consequence than being slapped in the face by someone stronger than you. So who has the real priviledge here? Who has the real unfair advantage? Average man's muscles vs. an entire culture's white knight fueled legal/social intervention...you don't even need to think about that one. It speaks for itself.

Thus if we use the privilege argument against anyone it makes more sense to use it against women than it does to use it against men - though that's really not saying much as I personally would argue that we simply do not use it and look at these instances on an individual basis for what they are as opposed to who is doing it but for those who are not objective enough to do so and have to play the "gender privilege" card, this is the closest thing there is to a valid play.

[joanna1]

Time to switch your focus and onto what is important now. That would be you and your own life and happiness. Is she trying to make life better or easier for you, like you have been for her, even over this whole computer situation. No, she is obviously still angry at you. You have nothing to feel guilty about if you wipe your hands of all of this now, you tried to make amends and better the situation but only you have tried. Does she not want the computer because it is desktop and she cannot take it to classes like her laptop? Either way, sell and give the money to her but maybe through a third common party. No reason to feel guilty.

[VincenzoG91]

Sold the computer to the first buyer, for $50 less than I paid for it. I just wanted to get rid of it and move on. Now she tells me that she wants a Mac desktop after all, just not that one. It doesn't matter, I'm handing her the money and she can try to find a better deal herself. I wash my hands of this mess.

[searock]

1) Men have to work in order to get laid while women only have to open their legs. That's a female privilege to be taken advantage of, but it doesn't stop slut shaming from being wrong. Although it might somewhat explain the dynamic strictly in terms of your likeability/relatability argument. Still, it's not enough on it's own to justify the double standard.

Comparing apples to oranges here. Promiscuous persons don't harm anyone by the simple fact of being promiscuous. People who slut shame other people have absolutely no reason to do so, apart from the ingrained sexism and in our society. On the other hand, people who are violent, controlling and actually physically and/or mentally harm other people ... well, they do harm other people. So it's perfectly normal to "hate" someone who does that even more, if that someone exploits their privileges to do so.

2) To argue that a man typically being stronger than a woman is the real reason for the double standard is to argue that it is not an issue of gender favoritism, but one of a perceived difference in strength. And if there were any truth to that then I would get the exact same social and legal backlash for hitting a guy who was 50-80 lbs smaller than me and had no idea how to defend himself as I would get for hitting a woman. We all know that this is not the case. We all know that it's not even close.

Again - it's not just in the difference in physical strength (which is present in the vast majority of cases), it's also in the societal privileges that men have for the mere fact of being men - or the societal disadvantages that women have for the simple fact of being women, call it as you wish, it's a disparity.

3) You say the man acting like her in an identical situation is taking advantage of superior physical strength - a male privilege. What about what a woman is taking advantage of? Women who act this way do so knowing damn well that the authorities are likely to take her side should the man attempt to defend himself, and in many cases even if the man makes no effort to defend himself. Had Vincenzo done much of anything to restrain her - let alone be as violent with her as she's been with him at times - he could've ended up going to jail and had the "domestic violence" label attached to his name for life...a tad more dire of a consequence than being slapped in the face by someone stronger than you. So who has the real priviledge here? Who has the real unfair advantage? Average man's muscles vs. an entire culture's white knight fueled legal/social intervention...you don't even need to think about that one. It speaks for itself.

Thus if we use the privilege argument against anyone it makes more sense to use it against women than it does to use it against men - though that's really not saying much as I personally would argue that we simply do not use it and look at these instances on an individual basis for what they are as opposed to who is doing it but for those who are not objective enough to do so and have to play the "gender privilege" card, this is the closest thing there is to a valid play.

Wow... we disagree way too much for it to be useful to continue the discussion. Woman privilege, unfair advantage... *shakes head*.

[searock]

Vince, I'm glad you got rid of that last piece of thread tying you to her. You are on the right track :-).

[Tug]

Vince take it from someone who was in an abusive (emotionally) relationship. Block her from contacting you in any way shape or form. For the first to month I was glad to have her out of my hair. Second month I forgot all the lies she told me and was actually missing her. I'm going on my third month and am actually starting to have a life again. No more crying or wondering if she's thinking about me. All I think about how she's not only a liar and a by keeping some of my things a thief.

I was told by her ex "you outta dump her ass and let some other poor SOB deal with her crap". I can almost guarantee you will be so much happier in the long run. I know I am

[HeartIsAching]

So searock... I'm not sure I'm following you. Are you saying that it should be alright for a woman to be physically abusive towards a man? Are you saying that the double-standard is ok?

[VincenzoG91]

So searock... I'm not sure I'm following you. Are you saying that it should be alright for a woman to be physically abusive towards a man? Are you saying that the double-standard is ok?

Interesting question. And what if the relationship consists of two women or two men? Is it okay for either partner to be physically abusive? I don't think so. Nobody should be physically abusing anybody.

[dickriculous]

1) Comparing apples to oranges here. Promiscuous persons don't harm anyone by the simple fact of being promiscuous. People who slut shame other people have absolutely no reason to do so, apart from the ingrained sexism and in our society. On the other hand, people who are violent, controlling and actually physically and/or mentally harm other people ... well, they do harm other people. So it's perfectly normal to "hate" someone who does that even more, if that someone exploits their privileges to do so.

2) Again - it's not just in the difference in physical strength (which is present in the vast majority of cases), it's also in the societal privileges that men have for the mere fact of being men - or the societal disadvantages that women have for the simple fact of being women, call it as you wish, it's a disparity.

3) Wow... we disagree way too much for it to be useful to continue the discussion. Woman privilege, unfair advantage... *shakes head*.

1) Not true. Promiscuity increases the risk of spreading STD's and unwanted children out of wedlock.

2) No, it's not about those things at all. You can re-read my example in the post above and make the smaller, weaker guy with zero self defense skill a poor black guy and see plain as day that my argument is completely unaffected despite all of your prerequisites that you've mentioned (physical strength and social privileges) to validate the hate machine being present.

3) Don't know what the head shaking is about, I explained my point very clearly and everything you're trying to condescend me over is pretty much fact. How much do you actually know about gender favoritism in my (and Vince's) area of the world?

[Tug]

I have a friend who caught his wife cheating on him. He broke down the guys door and chased both of them down into the basement. She filed domestic violence on him but by the time they went to court they reconciled and she dropped the charge. to make a long story short their still together and because he now has a record of DV she beats the hell out of him and he stands there and takes it. He won't call the cops because he knows she'll divorce him. All this took place 10 years ago, they've been married for at least 30 years

[Exeter19]

read through most of this, lots of great replies you got in this thread. sounds like she had lots of expectations on you and when you didn't deliver how she wanted it delivered she flipped out on you. must have been alot of issues she had in her head prior to that regarding you to make it come to that point.
i agree with leave her alone now, you can find a nice woman with no anger issues who wants to spend time with you for you, not what you can only do for her or using you. you were right to call the police, btw. better days, vince.