Postives of being in an abusive relationship?

[nathoonder]

I just got done seeing someone for a short time and everything was so great. She told me I made her the happiest she's been in a long time, told me she was lucky to have me, told me I'm amazing throughout nearly every day we were seeing each other. However after five wonderful dates with this girl. She completely stops talking to me and wants nothing to do with me. It's been really hard for me to deal with this. This is the first time I felt a connection towards someone who seemingly had one towards me, she quickly became all I wanted yet disappeared SO FAST..And after asking her many times what I did wrong she finally tells me "You did nothing wrong dear"? I call bullshit on that(excuse my language). I wasn't good enough in some way shape or form, I think it's because I'm a virgin and there for timid when it comes to putting the moves on her, but who knows.

Which brings me to my point. I wish instead of banishing me from her life she just would of hit me square in the face and told me exactly what it was about me she didn't like and I'd immediately try to behave in a manner more appeasing to her. I think there'd be a lot of positive points in being in an abusive relationship. I'd be less likely to be left heartbroken because her chances of finding someone else willing to take physical abuse is pretty low. Most psychologist agree that most abusers have a "honeymoon" phase after they act violently in which they show remorse and are loving to there partner. The way I see it if a girl is willing to hold my hand and be with me then she has every right to hit me if she gets upset with me. I've told a few people this and they look at me strange and I guess it is taboo but I sincerely hope I'll find it. One of my friends I told this to told me it's basically a matter of time before some girl finds me and walks all over me. I hope he's right. We'd complete each other, she'd have a man she can hit, cheat on, and get money from whenever she wanted and I'D finally get to be committed to someone, someone I can connect with, and someone I can receive affection from every now and then.

That's my rant for the night. Has anyone else ever been in an abusive relationship and been remotely happy?

[searock]

Short answer: no.

[pcmaster]

You were alright but you met a wrong girl. She could be hooked up with other guy what explains sudden distance. Be smart and move on. This is not the only girl who could like you. And no, its not possible to be happy in abusive relationship except if you lived in hell before. Abusive break ups are good but in relationship it brings guilt, pain, sadness and addiction.

[dem862]

A masochist says hurt me please. A sadist says no.

[Syne]

Ha ha... no. I was in an abusive relationship. That thing about the abusers being unable to find anyone else? No. The thing is, at the beginning stages of a relationship, you don't know they're abusers. And chances are they're painting you as the crazy person to anyone new they might date or saying that you somehow did something that turned them into an abuser. You do not EVER want to be with somebody that will hit you. I don't know if you've ever been in an abusive relationship, but it messes with your head. You blame yourself for everything... it's just a mess. Don't ever wish that on yourself. Does your psychologist know you're feeling this way? Because I would talk to them about that ASAP.

[nathoonder]

Ha ha... no. I was in an abusive relationship. That thing about the abusers being unable to find anyone else? No. The thing is, at the beginning stages of a relationship, you don't know they're abusers. And chances are they're painting you as the crazy person to anyone new they might date or saying that you somehow did something that turned them into an abuser. You do not EVER want to be with somebody that will hit you. I don't know if you've ever been in an abusive relationship, but it messes with your head. You blame yourself for everything... it's just a mess. Don't ever wish that on yourself. Does your psychologist know you're feeling this way? Because I would talk to them about that ASAP.

I already blame myself for everything. Also, I don't have a psychologist, nor do I wish to speak to one.

[basilandthyme]

Truth be told, a lot of the stuff you've written on the boards would make a girl run a mile - this post included. I'd say she started to know you better, and found things that she wasn't comfortable with.

From this girl's point of view, a guy who will change himself to be accepted by me isn't the type of guy I want. I want a guy who knows who he is, is happy with who he is and who is compatible with me. Sure, we still need to tweak things and compromise....but if a girl does a major turn around like this, then the problem is either a) she's flaky or b) the differences are more than what a couple of tweaks will fix.

Lastly, I think extolling the virtues of being in an abusive relationship is thoughtless and disrespectful to other posters who've been traumatised by abusive relationships. What you're writing here would be no different to me talking about the advantages of being raped. It's not cool dude.

[HeartIsAching]

You need professional help. Seriously.

[nathoonder]

Truth be told, a lot of the stuff you've written on the boards would make a girl run a mile - this post included. I'd say she started to know you better, and found things that she wasn't comfortable with.

From this girl's point of view, a guy who will change himself to be accepted by me isn't the type of guy I want. I want a guy who knows who he is, is happy with who he is and who is compatible with me. Sure, we still need to tweak things and compromise....but if a girl does a major turn around like this, then the problem is either a) she's flaky or b) the differences are more than what a couple of tweaks will fix.

Lastly, I think extolling the virtues of being in an abusive relationship is thoughtless and disrespectful to other posters who've been traumatised by abusive relationships. What you're writing here would be no different to me talking about the advantages of being raped. It's not cool dude.

I would never tell a girl the things I post in this forum.

Well I hope there is a girl out there who would like to be with a man who's willing to change anything and everything about him. I can't exactly say I'm unhappy with who I am but I feel as if I NEED a relationship to be truly happy.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, I truly feel this way from the bottom of my heart. I go through my daily grind going around as if I'm care free and stress doesn't bother me but it DOES and I get so emotional sometimes when I'm alone and just start crying. I've never had someone to hold hands and go on walks with, I've never had someone I can be 100% open with and abuse isn't a deal breaker for me in a relationship, it just isn't. I don't recommend or condone abusive relationships, people do horrible things to one another in them and if I had a friend who was in one I'd implore him/her to get out but when it comes to me I'm just so tired of being alone. I'm positive there'd be up times in our time together.

[vashti]

You are way too needy and whiny to be attractive to anyone. You should really get some professional help.

As for the positives of being in an abusive relationship - I can see that someone like you doesn't want to take any responsibility for developing himself in an appropriate way... It would be much easier to let someone else be the responsible one: they could tell you what to do, and if they become abusive, you still get to be the "nice" one. It's very pathetic.

[basilandthyme]

I would never tell a girl the things I post in this forum.

It's not just the individual things you've written, it's your attitude which would turn them off. And if you fake the attitude, then she'll know you're a fake and leave you anyway. The only solution is to fix your attitude.

Well I hope there is a girl out there who would like to be with a man who's willing to change anything and everything about him. I can't exactly say I'm unhappy with who I am but I feel as if I NEED a relationship to be truly happy.

While this is your attitude, I guess that the only girl you'll get is a desperate control freak. But beware - when she's done molding you, she'll get bored and move on to someone else she can manipulate.

You will not find real love until you've sorted out your issues.

[violet11]

I would never tell a girl the things I post in this forum.

Well I hope there is a girl out there who would like to be with a man who's willing to change anything and everything about him. I can't exactly say I'm unhappy with who I am but I feel as if I NEED a relationship to be truly happy.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, I truly feel this way from the bottom of my heart. I go through my daily grind going around as if I'm care free and stress doesn't bother me but it DOES and I get so emotional sometimes when I'm alone and just start crying. I've never had someone to hold hands and go on walks with, I've never had someone I can be 100% open with and abuse isn't a deal breaker for me in a relationship, it just isn't. I don't recommend or condone abusive relationships, people do horrible things to one another in them and if I had a friend who was in one I'd implore him/her to get out but when it comes to me I'm just so tired of being alone. I'm positive there'd be up times in our time together.

Okay, bottom line: you're desperate. That's the reason you're saying you'd put up with an abusive relationship: you believe it's the only way you'll end up being with someone.

You need to work on your self esteem or you'll continue to struggle to get a girl friend. Women smell desperation 10 miles off, and no one wants to clung too. I could tell you so many stories of perfectly eligible guys who are desperate and as a result they never hook up with women... in the meantime, lesser men with more confidence score no problem.

Start looking at yourself: your behaviours and emotions, and ask yourself 1) who are you, 2) why you are that way, 3) who you want to be.

[Rowen]

Speaking as someone who was verbally abused at a young age, any form of an abusive relationship (even if it's in a family and not love) is toxic. Because of it, I find sometimes I'm afraid to be alone with some of my trains of thought and am very insecure where I question many things, even with those I trust. Abuse creates monsters inside of you with wounds which sometimes never heal, and in the end, you wind up in therapy and hurting those you never wanted to hurt due to your issues...

Be careful what you wish for, OP. One day, you just might find it... And I really hope you don't...

[Starnique]

There is nothing positive or appealing about being abused in any way, shape or form and you really lack self esteem, respect and dignity if you think so. Grow some balls and get some help. You are in worst shape then I thought. I remember my ex and I (at the end of our relationship) got into it real bad and I was so mad at him and over his lies and indignant ass. I was going really hard on him (I was really aggressive and he, I guess tried to man handle me because I flipped completely out on him) and I tried to flush some of his product (he was a dealer) down the toilet and let me tell you, it was really bad and I ended up with a busted nose and lip, and it was nothing appealing or positive about that. Really? To handle me that way? Bitch.

[pcmaster]

Seem like guy been alone for so long that he dont care with who to be together.

Star, thats what sometimes happens when young girl hangs out with drug seller.