long distance, possible or no?

[honey79]

I met this guy at a bar a few months back. Hit it off, he seemed really nice and attractive and I felt really comfortable around him.

I gave him my number and he called two nights later, and we went out for a drink. I then discovered he was actually only in town for work and actually lives in a different country (three hour flight). I drank a bit much and threw all caution to wind as I figured I was never going to see him again anyway and you only live once

Well it turned out i was wrong and he did ring after he'd gone home. We kept in rather sporadic contact via Facebook and viber mostly. He kept saying he was coming back soon for work.

Well he did, and then he extended his time here to spend the weekend with me (though unfortunately I had family commitments so was only able to see him in the evenings). We went out and just hung out, went for some walks and to get dinner, drinks etc.

I kinda freaked out at one point, basically when he started kissing me, and said it's not .like it's going to work cos we don't even live in the same country. He said I'm being too rational and pragmatic. I said but it's not exactly convenient, I know there's other guys right here who are interested in me so I assume there's girls over there who like him too, which he said there wasn't anyone and that he had to come all the way here to meet a cool girl.

To be fair there doesn't seem to be anyone else according to his Facebook, of course if there was i wouldn't have caught up with him anyway but I still think surely there would be heaps of girls over there so why would he want me?

I don't know what to think. He said he's coming back again at the end on the month/early next month so do I just wait and see what happens? I'm really confused cos I do really like him, he's so lovely and I find him really attractive but I never intended to get involved with someone in a different country and I just can't see how it could possibly work?

[Boisdevie]

It won't work. One of the other will get frustrated by the distance. Why not date locally instead of making your life more frustrating than it should be?

[smackie9]

It won't work. No one wants to have to wait for someone to hop on plane once a month just to go out to a movie.....it's stupid actually. BTW stop using FB as a guide. Life is unpredictable, and so are people. Anyone can manipulate what they put on the internet and to be honest you know nothing about this guy. You really don't know if there is a girl or not that will be in his life if there isn't one already.

[FAndrews]

Sadly, long distance isn't worth the trouble in my opinion

[Kromat83]

I've been through LDR for 1 month , and it wasn't worth it.
Now i just live my life here and see what happens.
I am more focused now to find a local girl and never get into a long distance relationship, after experiencing what I did and costs and time aren't worth it for one person, unless the other fills the same way.

[honey79]

Yes I guess not, it hasn't cost me financially since he's the one who's come here for work (so was already here on his bosses account each time anyway) but like someone else said I really don't even know him.

And yeah even though I am pretty certain he's not married or anything like that, he could well be seeing someone on a more casual basis and I wouldn't have a clue.

It's almost definitely never going to go anywhere so there's no point getting emotionally attached. Part of me feels like I should tell him so but really that would just be a bit clingy or weird so I'll just leave it and if he comes back again then tell him I can only be friends since I don't want to get all messed up. Besides I might have met someone local by then.

Thank you all xx

[DalM0m]

It can work. One of my childhood friends met a man while they were both in a different state for work. He travels a lot in his sales job & this allows them to get together here where we live several times a year. They both also fly to see each other for long weekends all the time. They have been successfully doing this for over 2 years now.

It's not ideal. Neither of them is willing to give up their respective jobs to move to the other one but they are both happy enough.

[Petit Papillon]

it can, i'm in such situation since 3 years ( 2 more to go), but it's a long story why it works, and why I think in your case it won't work. Don't bother, you'll only get hurt.

[smackie9]

It will only work if both parties don't mind the time apart. Some people have busy lives and this arrangement is suitable BUT for the majority of people it isn't.....as your love grows you get more frustrated because you want to actually BE WITH that person and not see then on skype....it just doesn't cut it anymore. And hey not too many want to uproot themselves, leaving job, friends and family behind.

My friend's sister tried it for about a year or so and had a 7 to 8 year plan to quit her job and move to the states. I kept my mouth shut. I knew that wasn't going to work and it just so happens I found out this weekend they just split up.

[honey79]

I do have a pretty busy life and have been very happy being single for quite some time BUT I dunno. I kinda like to know where I stand too.

There is no way I'm moving anytime in the next five years. Who knows about him, he travels all the time with his work (and his current employer has a branch in my city so it's not inconceivable that he could be transferred), not to mention his kind of work is short term contracts of about 12-18 months and I know he doesn't have any long term ties where he is now. But it is a huge expectation to put on someone and not really that fair.

I dunno. It doesn't really bother me that much except that I don't want to wait for him if he isn't actually serious about me.

[Jessica27]

I believe it is possible, i even think it is easier than live togrther

[Exeter19]

it can work if you each can visit the other every couple of months, you skype and more importantly you are loyal and trust each other.

[smackie9]

I do have a pretty busy life and have been very happy being single for quite some time BUT I dunno. I kinda like to know where I stand too.

There is no way I'm moving anytime in the next five years. Who knows about him, he travels all the time with his work (and his current employer has a branch in my city so it's not inconceivable that he could be transferred), not to mention his kind of work is short term contracts of about 12-18 months and I know he doesn't have any long term ties where he is now. But it is a huge expectation to put on someone and not really that fair.

I dunno. It doesn't really bother me that much except that I don't want to wait for him if he isn't actually serious about me.

It doesn't bother you now, but wait til you are emotionally invested....you will change your tune then.