I need help

[hollylee71]

My boyfriend of almost 4 years and I had a bad turn last July - he was unfaithful with two other women - we have been working through those issues - and really that was going very well - He had never gotten through the end of his marriage in a healthy way and is in long term counseling-
All of this started in July - I had worked through my issues with his infidelity and he assured me he only wants me and wanted to work through this .
I was just getting my mind back in order in the last two weeks - back to normal - back to me - But his counselor has suggested he not see me for 6 months until he is healthy enough mentally to make a clear commitment to me without obligation but because he knows he is able to commit to me fully as a whole person .
Here is my issue - I totally agree - he needs to get his head clear in order to have a healthy future with me - but at the same time I feel abandoned and hurt all over again because I have been shut out of his life - we still talk on the phone - every day at this point - I know he loves me - but we are not committed because he feels it would be unfair to me at this time. So how am I supposed to feel ? How do I go on everyday ? What if I put my life in limbo again for 6 months and he walks away from me forever? Do I take his calls or cut off all contact till he has come to a decision? This has knocked me back emotionally with all the progress I have made - I am lost and afraid and I dont know what to do - I want to trust and believe- but those voices keep ringing in my head with all the fear and doubt I had overcome in the past 4 months - please help me with what is next - I dont want to drive him away - but I dont want to hold all my feeling in either - can someone please tell me what I can do to constructively deal with my emotions and fears

[smackie9]

............

IMO I find it really fishy that a counselor would make someone end their 4 year relationship for 6 months as part of therapy......I call bull shit.

[basilandthyme]

I also don't believe a counsellor would suggest he put your relationship on hold for six months. I reckon he's making it up.

Your concerns are very legitimate - Insist on seeing the counsellor with him to discuss the issues you've raised here. His reaction will tell you if he's lying or if the counsellor is kooky.

[hollylee71]

I ask to do to the therapist with him on the 18th so we can discuss the game plan an rules - IE can we still talk and how often - can I still see him every once in a while platonically so the separation is easier on both of us - - how do I help him with the codependency issues and not enable him - should he stay in individual sessions and we go for couple sessions as well ?